Mama Likes Beards

Go ahead, scrunch up your face in utter disgust. Your fake gagging attempts do not phase me.

I find men with beards insanely sexy and will shout it from the hilltops! BEARDS! BEARDS! BEEEEEARDS!

(For the record, I do not appreciate moustaches, goatees or soul patches/flavor savors.)

(Oh, and the beard needs to be well-groomed with no sort of crazy growth. Kind of like my friend Brandon, a fellow Desperate Blogger.)

Wait. Why am I telling you all this?

Oh, RIGHT. Guess who is hosting this week’s Friday Eye Candy at Mamapop! And guess what all of my picks have in common! Go see for yourself.

(Seriously. Am I the ONLY person who loves beards?)

Lame

I’m pretty sure including a 9-year-old movie in a Mamapop guest post covering my CURRENT pop culture obsessions makes me incredibly lame, but here you go.

Cooper, you’re an amazing dancer and you’re a great choreographer, but as a boyfriend… you kinda suck.

Do You Need a New ‘Do?

Are you going to Chicago for Blogher next month? Don’t you think a new hairstyle would make it the best trip EVER?

If so, check out this contest hosted by Susan, Heather and Danielle. It’s pretty damn awesome, so don’t dilly-dally! Leave your submission in the comments section of one of the above ladies’ posts before midnight on July 3rd.

And what do I have to do with this contest? I’m a Very Important Judge, chicas. From Susan’s post:

All entries will be judged by the lovely ladies of Sparrow and by the super-talented Whoorl of Hair Thursday. Don’t even try sucking up to them; they’re hard core about this hair thing. Seriously.

You see? I’m hard core about this hair thing. And super-talented. BWAHAAAHAAAAA.

(However, I do accept monetary bribes.)

(FINE. I don’t accept bribes. Sheesh.)

I Think I’m in Love: Dauphine T-strap Sandals

$68 (on sale!), J. Crew

This is my sandal of the summer. I bought both silver and gold, and will probably have either pair on my feet the majority of this season. Maxi dresses, Bermuda shorts, flirty skirts, summer-weight chinos…these babies will go with anything!

Palm Springs!

Well, it’s time to re-pack my bags and head out to Palm Springs for sun, swimming and a little relaxation. When I mentioned to Wito that we were leaving for Palm Springs to see his beloved great-grandparents, he dashed out of the room and returned looking like this:

I think he is more excited than his mama.

Have I mentioned that he refuses to stand within 5 feet of a pool without some sort of flotation device cocooned around his body? Unfortunately, he had a falling-into-a-pool accident last summer and “fearless” is not one of the words I would use to describe his poolside approach. (However, put the kid near the ocean and he’s balls to the wall. Go figure.)

In the Past Five Minutes, I Have:

1. Put the salad croutons in the refrigerator and the opened salad dressing in the pantry.

2. Filled a sippy cup per Wito’s request, but handed him a pack of swim diapers instead. The sippy cup could be anywhere at this point.

3. Received an email requesting my Brita FFG post that was due LAST MONDAY.

4. Spent 2,718 wasted breaths on a beach ball that I wasn’t depressing properly while blowing up, thus NO AIR WAS GOING INTO THE BALL.

Am I the only one experiencing massive brain fartage today?

My Muse

I’m not entirely sure how to follow that one up, except to say that I really lucked out in the father department. If he lived in California, we would be a movie-making FORCE. Did I mention I have additional footage from our candy expedition? After we returned from the grocery store, Ron and I had an impromptu interview of sorts. We dove into the specific reasons for each candy choice, which somehow morphed into an analogy using M&M’s to describe the current economic situation. Riveting shit, I tell you.

I would love to show you this footage except for one tiny issue. I’m back in California now, which means I no longer have any family members keeping Wito occupied while I feverishly edit and create videos. Also, I’m sick. Wito’s sick. IT’S REALLY EXCITING OVER HERE.

We’re going to take a nap, but y’all enjoy your day, ya hear?

The Candy Man

I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned my dad’s glorious candy drawer on more than one occasion here at whoorl. Earlier this week, I received the greatest honor imaginable when my father asked me to accompany him on a candy-drawer-stocking expedition to the grocery store. I jumped at the chance to learn proper candy-stocking skills from the master. How does he do it? Are his purchases off the cuff or does he employ a systematic thought process? THE QUESTIONS.

A thought crossed my mind. I bet 6 of my readers would find a documentary completely riveting!

This video is for you, 6 people of the world.

Warning: This is 4 minutes and 54 seconds of your life that you will NEVER get back. Think about it.

The Candy Man from whoorl on Vimeo.

Hot Stuff

My mother and I took Wito on a couple of errands this morning. First up, Target, which launched my first completely insignificant tirade of the day. What is the point of having shopping cart return corrals (”corrals” doesn’t seem right, but very Oklahoman, yes?) if there aren’t any carts left outside in the corrals for people? As a mother of a squirmy toddler, I appreciate parking close to a cart station so I can plop him into the cart immediately, opposed to dragging his uncooperative ass from the parking lot into the store.

Sure, I understand that larger stores might occasionally employ a Type-A Do-Gooder that is ALL ABOUT perfecting his Shopping Cart Retrieval practices, but COME ON. However, as I was going on and on about my First World Problem of the Day, a live cow flew past my face at about 35 miles per hour. Moral of the story - Oklahoma is not only hot, but windier than a Derecho for at least 290 days out of the year. Targets of Oklahoma, I apologize. I understand why you don’t leave carts outside. Because they could violently impale innocent bystanders while rocketing through the parking lot.

After checking all of our errands off the list, we made a quick visit to my father’s company. I don’t usually make a point to stop by his office, and now the reason is abundantly clear.

OH MY GOD. Did any of you have the distinct pleasure of giving these photo cutout stands to a loved one in the late eighties? Oooh! Three dimensional! Like, all Back to the Future and stuff! Apparently, this was a Christmas gift to my father (hint: MY RED AND GREEN CHRISTMAS SOCKS) and hoo boy, what a gift from the heart. Where do I even begin? Look at me.

1. The bangs. I adore my make-the-top-layer-sideswept-while-the-bottom-layer-curls-perfectly-under bangs. Kind of like a rogue wave crashing into a family of small squid.

2. The sweater. Obviously a man’s XXL - cheesy mock turtleneck and huge, slouchy front pocket included. Good day, sir! I might be going through puberty, but you will never know!

3. The pants. Holy shit, THE PANTS. The pleats. The pinch-rolled bottoms. MY EYES, MY EYES!

4. However, good thing I pinch-rolled my pants so everyone could enjoy my holiday-themed socks. Feliz Navidad.

5. Top-Siders, dude. Nothing more needs to be said about that.

6. The casual lean on my sister. Hey sis! You can lean on me. You know, WHEN YOU’RE NOT STROOOONG, I’LL BE YOUR FRIEND, I’LL HELP YOU CARRY ON.

Speaking of my sister, Lala experienced a bit of a hellaciously awkward phase growing up. Of course, I can say this due to the fact that she is now BLINDINGLY GORGEOUS, but really. What exactly is going on with that ensemble? Does her striped sweatshirt depict the four seasons? Are her pants actually tucked INTO those pink graffiti high tops? And what about that stance? People, only a stance like that could imply, “Bitches, my sassy glasses devour my face and I LIKE IT.”

Oh! But it gets so much better!

Hi! I’m going to high school in the fall, but think it’s important to be photographed with my precious white teddy. I love my teddy. Here, watch me squeeze my teddy! Um, do my bangs look okay?

Hahaha! Look at me! I’m doing a handstand! But my hair stays intact! HOW DO I DO IT? Photo Cutout Stands are MAGICAL. It’s like I’m living in 2009 or something!

Ahhh, good times. I think I need a cocktail.

My Family is Weird

Wito and I arrived in the very balmy state of Oklahoma today. Like SEAR MY FACE OFF WITH A BLOW TORCH balmy. How I managed to endure summers here for 18 years is truly boggling.

And what does my family do to combat the heat? We sit around, drinking vodka tonics and wearing holiday reindeer accoutrements. In June. Whatevs.

Tomorrow, we plan to re-stock the candy drawer. It’s business time.

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