25

Sloppy Mornings with Ann

I saw something this morning that made me want to hurl chunks of last night’s tomato basil pasta feast all over the entire house. And for once I can say with 100% confidence that baby whoorlito had no part of this.

Call me crazy, but doesn’t The Today Show have hair and makeup people? They must, considering Katie Couric looks semi-decent most of time. Except for the lip liner. What is up with the lip liner?

Case in Point:

annfront.jpg

Look at that hair! Draped all over her shoulders, all tangled and shit. Is she attempting to form dreadlocks? BRUSH THE HAIR.

Here’s a lovely back view as well.

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I think I actually saw little hair mites crawling around that mess.

ICK.

6

Hook ’em Horns

Normally, I’m not a Texas football fan (Go Sooners!), but I am a huge supporter of two things:

1) The Big 12
2) Putting an end to the ridiculously long winning streak of USC’s football program. Hey, I’m sorry, but I can’t stand being a Big 12er in the land of Cardinal and Gold.

D and I watched the game at my cousin’s house, who happens to be a UT Law School alum. He and his wife have a 7-month-old baby girl who happened to be sleeping soundly in the room right below us. Obviously, the cardinal rule is DON’T WAKE THE BABY UP, FOR CHRIST’S SAKE. And if you do, YOU CAN NEVER COME BACK TO THIS HOUSE, ASSHOLE. Shit, the pressure! So when Vince Young ran in the winning touchdown on 4th down, the four of us looked like we had just won the $500,000,000 lottery at a freakish mime convention. Never have I seen four people produce such energy without making so much as a peep.

Man, we are baby pros already.

14

Pregnancy Brian (brian, brain…whatever)

Are you aware of the term “pregnancy brain” or “baby on the brain”? It’s a term I’ve heard about but really haven’t pursued because frankly, there are much more important issues to educate yourself on regarding pregnancy. For example, what kind of non-alcoholic beer is the tastiest. Prior to getting knocked up, I really wasn’t a subscriber to the theory that such a dramatic increase of pregnancy hormones could cause some sort of cognitive decline (aka crazy stupid pregnant lady syndrome). I mean, C’MON LADIES, QUIT PRETENDING YOU ARE SO DENSE JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE A FETUS IN YOUR UTERUS. Well, once again, I have been proven so very wrong. I should have recognized some sort of cognitive decline unfolding when today’s blog attempt looked something like this:

Hi, I am whoorl. I have a baby in my belly. I like Yoplait whips for breakfast. They are tasty, especially the raspberry mousse flavor. Sometimes my tummy hurts. I think it’s funny when my husband sings out loud. Heehee. Bye for now!

Houston, we have a problem.

It got me thinking (which really isn’t saying much). Did this “pregnancy brain” phenomenon happen overnight? Have I been doing incredibly moronic things for the past 2 months and not putting two-and-two together? Hmmmm. Interesting. So I dove into my cerebral cortex, searching for any evidence*. And guess what? I found some.

PB Exhibit #1 – The glasses incident.

PB Exhibit #2 – The evening after the glasses incident, D and I went grocery shopping. We returned home, unloaded the groceries, watched some tube and hit the sack. The next morning, while trying to leave for work, I realized I misplaced the keys to my car. After thirty minutes of stomping around the house, muttering under my breath, D found them. They had been sitting in the lock on the outside of the door where I had left them the night before after returning from the grocery store. Oh please, scary burglar, please break into our house. I’ve left the keys on the door so you don’t have to use force! Woot!

PB Exhibit #3 – I don’t know why my glasses are such an issue, but several times I have found them sitting with my folded wool sweaters in my closet.

PB Exhibit #4 – Wait, screw this. As I typed this entry, I asked my husband simple questions about verbiage and vocabulary, and he couldn’t come up with one lousy answer to my questions. Can husbands of pregnant women develop pregnancy brain, too?

Now, that’s an interesting theory…

* it took me over 6 minutes, staring blankly at my computer screen, to come up with the word “evidence”