My husband recently started a new job. One that requires him to leave the house daily. When he told me the news around my eighth month of pregnancy, I nearly had a nervous breakdown. Up until that point, we both worked from home and were together a lot more than your average couple. And I liked it. I had already envisioned and planned our daily life raising Wito- tag team city.
So you can imagine how freaked out I was to hear that I would be home alone all day with the baby. All day and frankly, all evening as well. His new job requires him to spend a decent amount of time at client’s homes hobnobbing, drinking vintage wines and shopping in Los Angeles, so it isn’t surprising if he walks through the door well into the evening.
Last week, he didn’t get home until very late on both Monday and Tuesday. That was hard, especially since the mastitis was kicking in and I was feeling completely overwhelmed. D’s main job with the baby is to put him down at night. Wito isn’t too fussy, but sometimes it takes a couple of tries to ensure his slumber. As a separate entity, putting Wito down isn’t a huge deal. However, putting Wito down after 12 hours of taking care of his every need ALONE becomes a daunting task. A lady needs a break. Can I get a hell yeah, moms?
Long story short, last week sucked. I felt completely drained from taking care of him on my own and dealing with the fever and nuclear boobs. And as mature as I try to be, when the husband comes home after an evening of intelligent adult conversation complete with wine and incredible views of the Pacific Ocean, I can’t help but feel snubbed. Especially when a) I’d like to drink some wine, and b) the extent of my conversations during the day consist of “Ohh,bobobobobo” and “Who’s da beeeg boy, who’s da beeeg boy?”
On the other hand, I completely understand that his job will be the ticket to me staying home with Wito at some point. And as much work as this is, I want to stay home with him so badly. I don’t even allow the thought of returning to work after Thanksgiving to enter my head at this point. Total utter denial. And trust me, my job is a cakewalk compared to what I’m doing on a daily basis now. But my job means nothing to me…Wito means everything. Annnnd, cue the violins.
However, once in a blue moon, D is able work from home. Like today! Woot!
And you know what?
All I want is for him to get the hell out so he’ll quit walking around the damn house, loudly creaking the wood floors with every. single. step. DON’T YOU REALIZE THE BABY’S ASLEEP!? IF HE WAKES UP, THE WRATH OF SATAN WILL EMIT FROM HIS HOWLS!
You just can’t win.
Kim
October 4, 2006 at 12:08 pmIsn’t it funny how we go from “Oh my God! No! You can’t leave me alone all day with this baby. Oh God, Oh God.” to “God – get out already. I’ve got this covered. I’ve got my ROUTINE, dammit!”
You always say what I am thinking so well. And so much more funny than how it looms in my head.
Serenity Now
October 4, 2006 at 12:39 pmExactly.
BeachMama
October 4, 2006 at 12:51 pmMy Hubby stayed home for three weeks when J was born. That was about two weeks too long. He took naps when the baby was napping, he slept in the other room when he was up all night. It wasn’t like it was helping me at all. I finally asked him to go back to work so we could get a routine. Then, the deal was to be home for 5 so I could make dinner and get J to bed by 7.
Three years later, this is still the deal. Once in a while Hubby puts in longer hours, but he tries to do it earlier in the morning so that we still function well at night. I stay home with J and am willing to contribute a lot in order to make that happen. If you can do it, you will love it so much.
Hey, and how is the house thing going?
am'ti b
October 4, 2006 at 1:59 pmsorry!
Amanda
October 4, 2006 at 2:04 pmMy hubby is pulling the long hours these days too and I feel your pain. Sometimes it takes all my energy just to draw Avelyn’s night-time bath. Being a mom is tough and it’s even tougher when you feel like you’re doing it all by yourself. I don’t know how single moms do it; talk about strength!
Jennifer
October 4, 2006 at 4:39 pmMy husband worked from home for the first 2.5 years of our first daughter’s life. When he told me he had to start going to the office I had a coronary. We had such a great system with him home. It only took a week before he was able to be home every now and then and I was the same way about wanting him to go back to work. I too, needed him in the evenings though. Nowadays I have two kids and my husband seems to be working 24/7. I must have had this gig too long already because “single” mom with 2 seems so much easier than it was with 1. I completely understand the annoyance of being home while husband is out having a grand ol’ time. When mine was on business trips I told him never tell me how comfortable the beds were in his rooms and DO NOT tell me what you had for breakfast, lunch or dinner. I couldn’t take that kind of torture.
Mary O
October 4, 2006 at 5:33 pmGosh, I remember those days. Sometimes you just want someone else to simply HOLD the baby for a while to relieve your aching arms and back. That was about as much help I could get out of my husband in those early days. Just remember, it gets so much better as the baby gets older. Just hang in there!
kimmer
October 4, 2006 at 6:29 pmAll I can say is, hell yeah.
Lyndsay
October 4, 2006 at 1:19 pmMy hubby, who is usually gone all week, has been home for three weeks. I appreciate the help he gives, but when it comes to disturbing his sleep, he becomes a monster. I put Bean down – I have the patience and I enjoy the snuggling for up to an hour that it takes to induce sleep. He gets the 1 o’clock feeding and when I wake him up, he acts like it is the biggest inconvenience. I think Bean picks up on this and is fussy. So, hubby feeds him and changes him, soend 20 minutes half-assed soothing the baby and then I have to go in and finish the job. I take the 4 o’clock feeding and don’t even mind it. The 6/7 a.m. feeding sends hubby over the edge. This morning I woke him up with a gentle nudge and a “it’s time for your feeding.” He grunted back, “When is it time for me to fucking get some sleep?”
I just ignored it. Later today, I asked him to please choose to have a positive attitude about middle of the night feedings. He apologized and said he would try to be better. Who is the one needing more sleep here? Me – who is the primary caregiver or him who tinkers on his computer all day and balks at feedings and changing diapers.
Sorry – I’m venting. He is great when Bean is sleepy and wants to sleep on a hairy chest.
Meepers
October 4, 2006 at 8:50 pmWe both work at home (well, a lot of the time) too – another reason I can. not. have. a baby. I’d have to kill him for non-participation…and that just isn’t right, is it? Do you have some friends that can spell you during the day or the early evening?
Mrs. S
October 4, 2006 at 11:49 pmThank you for the smile. And the warning. I will do my best to remember both ;)
Heather
October 5, 2006 at 5:40 amHELL YEAH!!!!! Sorry to hear you are on your own. I know how tiring and frustrating and did I mention tiring it can be. My husband returned to work the day after we brought our daughter home from the hospital, and I’ve been doing it on my own ever since. There have been a few occasions when my dad and stepmom have come up for the day and that was a godsend. I work from home now and it is a struggle to maintain full time hours. Sometimes I feel as if I don’t give my daughter enough attention, but I do my best. And her little smile reminds me that she stills loves her momma. When my husband is home he isn’t much of a help anyway. I have to tell him to do something to make her stop fussing. It seems kin of pointless to me. Also, I’m right there with you on those freakin creakin wood floors. I hate the damn things.
Angella
October 5, 2006 at 6:15 amWe both work from home too, and I love the amount of time we get to see each other. He’s also a fantastic Daddy. I don’t think baby #3 would necessarily be happening right now if he WASN’T at home.
We are renovating, though, and I do have to remind him that swinging a hammer during naptime is not good for his well-being :)
ms. sizzle
October 5, 2006 at 7:35 amyou really can’t win. sigh.
Rachel
October 5, 2006 at 9:35 amHey! Get out of my brain!
I have been home with the Jillian for nearly 10 weeks now, and lemme tell ya – this is hard to do. The upshot is that I don’t and won’t have to go back to a “real” job, dealing with people who are less mature and intelligent than my 10-week old child. For that blessing alone, I can endure anything.
But there are days when The Husband comes home a wee bit late and is all “Oh, I went out for a few beers after work” and I seriously consider disembowling him. Most days are okay, though.
I got extremely lucky in Husband Picking because mine does things like cooking and laundry. In fact, he INSISTS upon doing these things so I can be free to do the Baby Wrangling. Most days this is great, some days it is not. We’re a work in progress.
Yesterday we had our first round of vaccinations so guess who was dealing with a screaming baby from 5PM to 2AM? Oh yes! NINE HOURS OF SCREAMING. No wonder my socks don’t match today.