Are the 80’s Making a Comeback?

I have only bought two books about pregnancy, The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy and The Pregnancy Journal. That’s enough for me. Girlfriends Guide is cute, but I get really distracted and bored after about 5 minutes. I’m just the type of person that wants answers to what is plaguing me at the moment; I don’t really care to read about things that aren’t happening to me personally. Mainly, because a) um, they aren’t happening to me and b) sometimes my scary hypochondriac mind starts to think that maybe those things ARE happening to me. And that is not good. Not to mention counter-productive.

So, I have really enjoyed The Pregnancy Journal. Essentially, it is a day-to-day guide and journal for ladies with buns in the oven. I really appreciate the concise daily information about the growth of my baby and what it means to me. For instance, yesterday’s blurb was:

The hard, bony part of the baby’s palate is now completely formed. The bony plate divides the mouth from the nose and makes it possible for your baby to eat and breathe simultaneously. The muscles in the walls of the digestive tract have become functional and are beginning to practice the contractions they will make when they have food to digest. Your baby’s growth rate has slowed somewhat. It has doubled its weight in the last week to almost 1/2 ounce; its length has increased to 2 1/2 inches.

This type of information is perfect for me, plus it’s coupled with interesting food facts and health information. So, yeah, I really like this book.

This morning, I opened it up with a little more excitement than usual because today marks the first day of my second trimester. Woohoo! I had a feeling today’s blurb might be a little special.

Instead, I read something about kidney nephrons and this:

Take care to wear comfortable clothes that don’t restrict movement or inadvertently cut off your circulation. If you are not quite ready to wear maternity clothing yet, select transitional styles, such as loose sweaters and stretch leggings.

STRETCH leggings? Stretch LEGGINGS? Why in the hell would I want to wear stretch leggings? Just those words conjur up visions of big hair, Ray Ban Wayfarers and bright fuschia stirrup pants (with white socks underneath the stirrups and tan huaraches). I’m already feeling poochy and fat considering I’m in the “in-between” phase (or the “ass-ugly” phase, as I prefer to call it). I’m not so sure stretch leggings and an oversized sweater are going to boost my self-confidence right now.

Who is this author? More importantly, when was this book written? I checked the info, and it was published in 1996! And revised in 2005! Were stretch leggings acceptable in 1996? Let’s see, I was graduating from college that year, and the answer is a resounding NO. I was watching movies like Fargo, Jerry Maguire and the English Patient. I was listening to Beck Odelay and Boys for Pele by Tori Amos. And, OK FINE, I was listening to Gangsta’s Paradise by Coolio. Whatever.

My point (and I do have one) is that stretch leggings were not appropriate in 1996 nor in 2006. And especially not appropriate for pregnant women EVER.



Whoorlito Update

I had my follow-up ultrasound this morning, and everything looks great. My hemorrhage has healed and the baby was doing some major whoorlito aerobics.

Here are some ultrasounds from early Saturday morning (notice the time, aargh).

Hey guys! Check out my arm and hand!


But wait, seriously, how cute is my foot?


Um, yeah. Some additional room would be nice.


…and some from this morning…

Chillin’ like a villian.


And my personal fave. Just waving hello to the readers.



Leaving Las Vegas

Hey, how was your weekend? Mine was interesting to say the least…

Whoorl’s Shitty Weekend in List Form:

1. I woke up Friday morning in Las Vegas sooooo ready to fly home at 3:53pm. It’s going to be a great extended weekend!
2. Got ready for my morning meetings when I noticed something strange going on. Remembered that this strange event can be common in early pregnancy, and tried not to stress about it.
3. Attended meetings from 7:45 – 11:30. Had absolutely no idea what in the hell was going on because all I could think about was my baby.
4. Confided in two of my colleagues who both suggested I call my doctor immediately.
5. Called my doctor, explained the situation, and told her about my flight home in less than 4 hours. I was hoping she would tell me to get my ass home pronto. Unfortunately, that was not the case as she told me to go to the nearest ER immediately.
6. Hung up the phone. Slight whoorl meltdown while hiding behind a partition in the Venetian hotel. There were about 400 reps from my company in the area with me and all I wanted to do was find my manager, tell him the situation and get the hell out of dodge without them all seeing me cry. I just REALLY didn’t want to make a scene- which was difficult considering I was a extremely hormonal, scared pregnant lady who had just been told to go to the ER in Las Vegas.
7. Somehow managed to get my manager’s attention, told him the situation, and we took off together in search for a cab.
8. Found the cab line at the front of the Venetian, cut in front of 250 reps while my boss yelled “NEAREST HOSPITAL PLEASE!” So much for not making a scene.
9. We were dropped off at the Sunrise Hospital Emergency Room, aka Shit-My-Pants-Kind-Of-Scary Hospital. The ER was packed, which I expected considering Las Vegas is notorious for extremely long ER waits.
10. The triage nurse checked me in with comments like “Well, you know if you miscarry, there’s nothing you can do about it”. “The baby can’t survive on it’s own.” “I’ve had 5 miscarriages myself and it’s really common and NO BIG DEAL.” I swear I nearly punched her few remaining teeth out. NO SHIT, BITCH! I’M FULLY AWARE OF MY SITUATION, THANKS. I’M SORRY I’M KEEPING YOU FROM YOUR NASCAR EVENT.
11. Called D to inform him that I had made it to the ER. At this point , we decided it would be best for him to make the 4 1/2 hour drive to come get me since it was about 1:00pm and we weren’t sure about making my flight home.
12. For the next three hours, my boss (who, frankly, missed his own flight for me and was AMAZING the entire day) tried to pass the time by making fun of the complete fashion disasters that were surrounding us and closing in fast. People, there were some denim items that I have never seen the likes of in my 31 years on this planet.
13. Yes, we were making fun of people while waiting to make sure my baby was OK. We are horrible people, but how else do you pass the time?
14. 4:30pm. Not ONE person has been called back in over three hours. My boss checks in with the no-teeth beaatch. She informs him that there are 38 people waiting for beds in the back already. She says it will be at least 5 more hours. When I catch wind of the situation, I make the executive decision to Fuck This, despite my doctor’s advice of being evaluated in Las Vegas.
15. Took a cab back to the Venetian, got my bags, and waited for D to pick me up.
16. Made the 4 1/2 hour drive back home. Drove straight to my hospital’s ER. Arrived around 10:30pm. Only had to wait about an hour, and then spent about three hours being evaluated.
17. Happy news! After blood tests, pelvic exams and an ultrasound, the baby seems just fine. I had a small hemorrhage in my uterus, and was ordered on bed rest until this week when hopefully, the hemorrhage will heal itself. And yes, I totally blame my company’s meeting for all if this considering I had to walk an equivalent of 2-3 miles a day while lugging my books to and from the Convention Center.
18. We drove home from the hospital at 2:30am and crashed (after showers, of course. Germs, people. Germs.)
19. Woke up Saturday morning with some sort of hybrid flu/cold thing and have been in bed ever since while coughing my brains out. And coughing hurts. My head is going to explode and I can’t take anything! Wahhhhhhh.

Good times.

But, hey! Guess what? My baby’s fine! AND I got some really cute ultrasound pics on Friday night/Saturday morning! AND I am getting a follow-up ultrasound in about an hour! So, you know what that means? Whoorlito pics in a couple of hours!

Well, at least that’s exciting to me…