Wito started first grade today. Well, he started his true first day of 1st grade in July, but with our impending move, we changed school districts, and now he’s starting his SECOND first day of 1st grade today at the new school. Crikey. As you can imagine, mama didn’t get much sleep last night. That’s the great thing about moms, though – we worry enough so our kids don’t have to.
I don’t think I’ve written about it before, but Wito has never been called his given name. We bestowed a completely random nickname to him while pregnant (not Wito, thank goodness), and although we never expected it, the nickname just stuck. Soon after his birth, we started receiving items monogrammed with the nickname, and we quickly realized it would be around for awhile, even though the nickname itself is not a derivative of Anders nor has any similarities. Fast forward 6 years, and the child has never been called his given name by family members, friends, or teachers. In fact, I don’t think he was aware of his given name until last year.
I have to be honest. I’m not sure how I feel about this. I obviously named him Anders for a reason. I love that name, and it makes me a little bummed to know that it might never be used. So when we found out about the house and knew we would be attending a completely new school district, I brought up the discussion of starting new with his given name. It was the perfect time, really…I mean, he didn’t know anyone at the school and it could be the perfect fresh start, right? Wrong.
As you can imagine, it’s not that easy. My child has been known solely by his nickname his entire life. What kind of mom would I be to pluck my child out of the school with all of his friends and comforts, place him in a new school with complete strangers, AND expect him to change his name? Witness Protection Program, anyone? It’s complicated, peeps.
Wito and I have had discussions about this situation over the past month, and bottom line, he prefers to be called his nickname. I don’t blame him…it’s his identity. It’s him. He will always be able to change it as he matures down the road, as the nickname does have a childish quality, but that should be up to him.
So when his lovely teacher approached this morning to introduce herself to the boy she assumed was “Anders” from the roster, I let her know that he prefers to be called his nickname. And like I always do, I grabbed his slip and put those two increasingly familiar quotation marks next to his name.
What do you think about nicknames? Do you use one for yourself or your children? Do you have any regrets? I would love to hear your thoughts on the matter.
bethany actually
September 6, 2012 at 9:24 pmWhen I was little, I was called Beth by everyone I knew. One of my aunts called me Beth Ann, which is a combination of a nickname and my actual middle name. Over the years, I wearied of explaining to people that my full name wasn’t Elizabeth. So when I changed schools in 4th grade, I introduced myself to everyone as Bethany, and that’s what I’ve been called by most of the world ever since. If you call me Beth, it means you’re either my dad or my brother (pretty much the only people who still call me Beth) or you’re a salesperson trying to sound like my good friend.
We gave both our girls unusual names that had easy, fairly common nicknames. When we named Annalie we thought we might call her Anna or Annie, but she’s always been Annalie. And I never planned to shorten Elliora’s name because I love her full name so much, but Annalie started calling her Ellie V (her middle name is Violet) the day she was born, and now we all call her that occasionally.
I think it’s funny that you say Wito’s nickname isn’t related to his given name at all, because I’ve always thought that it is! Part of the nickname has the same sound as part of his given name. I just assumed you got the nickname partially from that, and that it was just a clever, unique nickname. :-)
Michelle
September 7, 2012 at 5:07 pmI think this is a funny topic, simply because my oldest and I just had this conversation this morning. His legal name is Jackson, we have hardly ever called him that, we call him “Jack”. Our last name is anything but easy when it comes to names, we could not go with “Jack” alone, it needed more. While I LOVE the name Jackson, he is Jack all the way. He decides year after year what he wants to be called at school, this year he went with Jack {he’s in fourth grade}. I was writing his name on a form this morning and he told me he had decided he wanted to be Jack this year, not Jackson and then went into this long discussion about how sometimes he wants to be Jackson and sometimes Jack, this year he felt like Jack. I love that he has the choice and when it suits him he will choose Jackson, but mostly he’s “Jack”. I always fill paperwork out in his given name and usually for sports we use Jackson – especially if there is another Jack or vice versa, that rarely happens to him but it has, and it’s nice to have options. His other nickname is “Bones” – he’s skinny, always has been and this year in sports kids heard us calling him “Bones” and now they call him that while on the field!
My #2, poor kid is named Brady, but since birth we have called him “Bird”. It’s just who he is.. not the best nickname and he doesn’t go by this at school, but this year in sports it has started to stick and mostly with his older brothers friends. We were worried it would be awful for him and that he wouldn’t like it.. we were wrong, he loves it. It’s sort of his special thing and when people are close to him, they know his special name. Our daughter is Olivia – could it be any more popular?! I know, but we liked it and went with it, she is now called Lu-Lu. Nicknames to me are always a term of endearment and I love them. All 3 of my kiddos have them and we use them at home for sure and some day they can choose to cut them out or keep them.. but at home they will always be called by their nickname, because they are special and that’s how we roll!
cc
September 8, 2012 at 4:21 pmSuki is Suki at home and with family and close friends. When we moved to Northern California she wanted to be introduced as Suzan. It gets very confusing when I walk into her classroom and introduce myself as “Suki’s Mom,” because tey have no idea who Suki is.
Her middle name is Hope, which is what we called her during my pregnancy. (We didn’t reveal her first name until she was born.) It took me a few days to stop calling her Hope after she was born, but Suzan just seemed to old for a newborn.
When we go somewhere new I ask her if she wants to be introduced as Suzan or Suki. It’s rarely the one I think she’ll choose.
Wito will know when the time feels right to change to his given name. I like his nickname, I think it suits him.
Mitzi
September 8, 2012 at 5:23 pmAs someone who’s never gone by my “legal” name I can understand why your son would rather keep his nickname. My legal name is Milissa but I’ve always been known as Mitzi. It’s always been a mild source of frustration for me in situations that require disclosure of my legal name (first day of school, dr., new job, etc) because I almost always end up having to explain why I go by Mitzi as it’s not only unusual but also not the expected nickname for Milissa (and yes, I usually have to explain that it’s Milissa with an “I”, not an “e”). In fact, I don’t even consider Mitzi to be my “nickname” as I really don’t identify with the name Milissa at all, merely a legal formality. Long story short, over the course of my 38 years I’ve learned to embrace my “dual identity” and realize that, at the very least, it makes for good conversation when meeting new people!
Corrin
September 11, 2012 at 5:20 amMy given name is Corrin, but my family has called me Corrie my entire life.
When I got to college, it became such a hassle to correct people that I started using my given name.
You can tell who knew me before 1998 by if they call me Corrie or Corrin. My husband called me Corrin and thought Corrie was weird. Friends from HS give me a hard time about switching to my “fancy name.”
Auntie G
September 11, 2012 at 11:57 amMy name is pretty nickname proof, which made me sad when I was a kid. All the cool kids (AND MY SISTER) had nicknames. The “nickname” people try to use is HORRIBLE — you are allowed to address me that way ONCE, and then I will correct you, and after that you are DEAD TO ME. ;)
So I was pretty adamant with my kids that they have names that lent themselves to nicknames that…uh, I liked. :) I have a Theo (Theodore) and a Gus (August) and I adore their names. Oddly, I’m not a huge fan of other possible nicknames like Ted or Teddy, and my husband can’t stand Augie but that one doesn’t bother me so much…so it will be interesting to see what the boys end up going by as teens and adults. The only regret I have is that I don’t really know what to do about monogrammed things for Gus – the A, or the G? But my husband is a Robert who went by Bob or Bobby for his entire childhood, and he doesn’t seem scarred by the monogram issue. :)
Olivia
September 11, 2012 at 1:10 pmI have a cousin who has never been called by his legal name and his nickname, Hunter, has nothing to do with his given names. It’s…weird. Why wasn’t he just given the nickname? Or, at least introduce him by his given name and then say, “But we all call him Hunter.”
My own two children are being called by their full names, even by we parents, until and unless they tell us differently.
Andrea
September 12, 2012 at 12:42 pmWe have always planned to call our daughter, named Nicola, Nico. And sometimes we still do, but mostly we call her Bits (she was teeny, so we called her itty bitty, which became itty bits and pieces, now just bits.). We still introduce her as nico, though.
I also want to say I LOVE the authenticity of your voice in this post. This voice is why I started reading whoorl. More like this, please! (not the topic – write about whatever moves you! – but I love your voice when it’s something that is non-sponsored.