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The Impending Threes

in Family, Odds and Ends

Terrible twos, my ass. MY ASS. To any and all of you currently struggling with the terrible twos, I invite you to come spend a couple of minutes dealing with the Impending Threes. Remember this photo from exactly a year ago?

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I’m almost two and my life is a heaping pile of dog shit.

I now present to you Wito’s emotional state at 6:45 this morning.

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Such a beautiful day! May I have some blueberry yogurt?

I now present to you Wito’s emotional state at 6:46 this morning.

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I DON’T WANT SIX BLUEBERRIES IN MY YOGURT! I WANT FOOOUUURRRR! THIS KITCHEN FLOOR IS TOO HAAAAARD AND I DON’T LIKE YOU, MOMMY!!

Other notable changes include:

1. Waking up at 5:30 a.m. in his big boy bed, jumping out and running into our room, screaming, “WHAT ARE WE DOING TODAY, MOMMY?”

2. Melodrama. While gleefully playing with his trains on the floor, Wito will suddenly look at me with insta-tears in eyes, pleading with me to get him some raisins from the kitchen. OMG, the drama. Just ASK for a snack, kid. No need to reinact Brad Pitt’s sobbing scene in Legends of the Fall over a damn box of raisins. (Will I ever quote a movie from the current decade? Stay tuned!))

3. Completely asinine requests that are nearly impossible to perform. “Make a blue truck sound, mommy. No, that’s a white truck sound! I SAID A BLUE TRUCK SOUND! BLUE TRUCKS GO BRUUUUUM, WHITE TRUCKS GO BRAAAAAM.” (Once again, dissolving into a puddle of tears on the floor.)

4. Constant repetition. The current favorite around here is, “Where are we going to next?” (TIMES 13,000) Where are we going to next, kid? TO THE ORPHANAGE.

5. Walking up to me, putting his chubby-knuckled hands on my face and saying, “I love you, mommy.”

Uh, forget everything I just said. #5 makes up for everything, doesn’t it? Someone buy this sweet, long-lashed angel a pony!

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59 comments

  1. a madhouse wife

    July 16, 2009 at 5:45 pm

    I’m so with you. My daughter will be three at the end of September and she had no fewer than four major meltdowns today, one of which concerned a toy that she thought needed new batteries because the light did not stay on as long as the song. She threw said toy into the front seat as we were driving down the road. I then threw it out the window.

    OK, kidding. I did not throw it out the window, but I pretended to and she thought I did and that brought on a five-minute long screaming and crying fit, which makes for very pleasant driving!
    .-= a madhouse wife´s last blog ..It’s a Sickness. =-.

  2. Groovymarlin

    July 16, 2009 at 5:53 pm

    This is very comforting to me because I thought it was just MY daughter. I mean I seriously was starting to think either we had spoiled her irreparably, or she had some deep emotional problems already. Turns out…she’s just 3. It sucks while it’s happening but at least I know I’m not alone.

    Her latest schizophrenia is bath time. The kid that used to LOVE to take a bubble bath and wouldn’t get OUT of the tub now won’t get IN the but, and screams and spits all over herself when we force her into it. Lord give me patience…
    .-= Groovymarlin´s last blog ..Daily Outfit – July 16, 2009 =-.

  3. Shannon

    July 16, 2009 at 7:36 pm

    Are you hiding in my closet? Are you sure that’s YOUR 3 yr old boy you are talking about? Because I have one eerily similar (seriously, why can’t they just ASK for a glass of milk instead of screeching for it?? I’ll get you the milk dude! chill out!). Except for me it’s the blue truck SONG at bedtime, you know, that one Mama, the one about the truck…. yeah, good thing “twinkle twinkle little truck” is silly enough to fit the bill.

    But yes, the #5 is a beautiful thing. My little Brady has me wrapped around his chubby little pinky, even if he is suffering from a case of childhood bipolar-ish-ness.
    .-= Shannon´s last blog ..Baby Sitter =-.

  4. Mama in the City

    July 16, 2009 at 7:40 pm

    Man. Hilarious! I love the pajamas too. The boy is so expressive and dramatic. I know it’s not hilarious for you but I do enjoy that you got your camera out while he was ‘expressing’ himself!
    .-= Mama in the City´s last blog ..Baby Blanket Official Winner (Round 2!) =-.

  5. Sarah

    July 16, 2009 at 7:59 pm

    You’re about to make me cry and not from joy. I’ve got a 2 year old, and I can’t imagine it gets worse. Oh, and his new “funny” thing – when I say, “Do you know Mama loves you?” He replies, “I love Daddy.”

    SOB
    .-= Sarah´s last blog ..Smelling the roses =-.

  6. Heather

    July 16, 2009 at 8:16 pm

    Ahhhh, you have no idea how good you made me feel about my own child. My two year old (exactly 25 months) is a monster. MONSTER. He rides the emotional roller coaster on a daily basis. Happy, not happy, livid, hysterically laughing, hysterically crying, fabulous, rabid, inconsolable… IT NEVER ENDS. Throw a little OCD in the mix and sometimes I want to put him in a box and UPS him to Madagascar. UGHHHHH…. But I am sooooo happy to hear my child is not the only one doing this. The sad part is that we also have a new born who is a dream, I thought the new baby would be the difficult child to deal with.

  7. Michelle B.

    July 16, 2009 at 8:18 pm

    I think you have my child… no wait, mine’s still here and just as whiny! But the “I love you very much, mommy” comments win me over EVERY time… we women are such suckers!

  8. sunny

    July 17, 2009 at 2:29 am

    this post had me weeping with tears of laughter. I know exactly what you mean, 3 is so CRAZY. They seem so overwhelmed and stunned by their emotions! This is why I love your blog – you’re keeping it real. Hang in there, I can totally relate!

  9. Beth

    July 17, 2009 at 4:07 am

    Holy hell on a stick, this is funny!

    And I thought I had problems. Sheesh. I control my own blueberries, thankyouverymuch. My life will henceforth be free of strife!
    .-= Beth´s last blog ..The 3-Day: A Glimpse … =-.

  10. sarah

    July 17, 2009 at 4:42 am

    I just telling my friend yesterday, I hate the 3’s, I would like to go back to the 2’s.
    .-= sarah´s last blog ..a great big brother =-.

  11. heidi

    July 17, 2009 at 4:48 am

    This is what I call the Evil Three’s. Personally I loved the two’s. Unfortunately I’m not entering the TEENS… Send wine.

  12. gorillabuns

    July 17, 2009 at 7:33 am

    I simply don’t know what you are talking about. My two girls have been nothing but perfect angels.

    gag.

    i have to admit, i kinda like moira now that she’s four. for the most part.
    .-= gorillabuns´s last blog ..tell me what you want, what you really, really want =-.

  13. Kristabella

    July 17, 2009 at 7:34 am

    Awwww. My niece is three (will be four in a few months) and it gets better. And while she is such a drama queen and is still known for her meltdowns of epic proportions, then she starts singing Hannah Montana and dancing like a crazy person and all is forgotten.

    At least for me. Because I’m her Auntie and I get to leave! :)
    .-= Kristabella´s last blog ..One Of Two Things Happened =-.

  14. Brooke

    July 17, 2009 at 9:41 am

    Totally get it. We’re at three and a half and I may not make it. Our morning Mariah Carey breakdown today was “BUT MOMMY MY POPTART BROKE!”
    .-= Brooke´s last blog ..The sun’ll come out… =-.

  15. martymankins

    July 17, 2009 at 11:06 am

    I can’t wait till he goes on his first date and you break this out for him. That will prove if his date has a sense of humor or not.

    When my daughter was 3, she was pretty easy. it was age 4 that brought some tantrums.