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The Impending Threes

in Family, Odds and Ends

Terrible twos, my ass. MY ASS. To any and all of you currently struggling with the terrible twos, I invite you to come spend a couple of minutes dealing with the Impending Threes. Remember this photo from exactly a year ago?

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I’m almost two and my life is a heaping pile of dog shit.

I now present to you Wito’s emotional state at 6:45 this morning.

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Such a beautiful day! May I have some blueberry yogurt?

I now present to you Wito’s emotional state at 6:46 this morning.

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I DON’T WANT SIX BLUEBERRIES IN MY YOGURT! I WANT FOOOUUURRRR! THIS KITCHEN FLOOR IS TOO HAAAAARD AND I DON’T LIKE YOU, MOMMY!!

Other notable changes include:

1. Waking up at 5:30 a.m. in his big boy bed, jumping out and running into our room, screaming, “WHAT ARE WE DOING TODAY, MOMMY?”

2. Melodrama. While gleefully playing with his trains on the floor, Wito will suddenly look at me with insta-tears in eyes, pleading with me to get him some raisins from the kitchen. OMG, the drama. Just ASK for a snack, kid. No need to reinact Brad Pitt’s sobbing scene in Legends of the Fall over a damn box of raisins. (Will I ever quote a movie from the current decade? Stay tuned!))

3. Completely asinine requests that are nearly impossible to perform. “Make a blue truck sound, mommy. No, that’s a white truck sound! I SAID A BLUE TRUCK SOUND! BLUE TRUCKS GO BRUUUUUM, WHITE TRUCKS GO BRAAAAAM.” (Once again, dissolving into a puddle of tears on the floor.)

4. Constant repetition. The current favorite around here is, “Where are we going to next?” (TIMES 13,000) Where are we going to next, kid? TO THE ORPHANAGE.

5. Walking up to me, putting his chubby-knuckled hands on my face and saying, “I love you, mommy.”

Uh, forget everything I just said. #5 makes up for everything, doesn’t it? Someone buy this sweet, long-lashed angel a pony!

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59 comments

  1. holly

    July 17, 2009 at 11:10 am

    dont have any kids, but i can read your funny ass commentary anyday of the week. keep it comin!!
    .-= holly´s last blog ..Break out the birthday suit! =-.

  2. Carroll

    July 17, 2009 at 11:14 am

    Well ladies, as the surviving mother of an all-grown-up-now couple of kids, I can assure you that my wise pediatrician was right when he said “By the time they leave for college they will be…” weaned, have all their teeth, sleeping through the night (and half the following day) no longer attached to the side of your leg, not sleeping in the same bed with you. And with any luck at all they will still be giving you sweet kisses and saying “I love you, Mom!” I tell ya, it seems to take forever, yet it’s gone in the blink of an eye. But in the end? All good:-)

    Hang in there, sisters!

  3. Stephanie

    July 17, 2009 at 11:42 am

    Well, at least I know we’re not unique. The “what we doin’ today, mommy” has been happening here for months and continues, unabated, though we’re past the third birthday. And the instant tantrums, the wise-ass remarks (“you misspoke, mommy”), etc. As my smart sister tells me, three is just two with experience. Best of luck to you (and I’m hoping that somehow that will bring me luck, too); surely these children will turn into nice people….right?
    .-= Stephanie´s last blog ..Four Months and Other Random Bits =-.

  4. Mandi

    July 17, 2009 at 11:49 am

    Okay, I’ve never commented before, but I wanted to say THANKS! Because my kid is your kid’s age, and holy. cow. I thought it was just me going through this happy-then-I’m-so-miserable-I-will-SCREAM phase. And the mornings that are suddenly so much earlier than they used to be or should be? Wwwwhhhhhhyyyyyy???

  5. Just Shireen

    July 17, 2009 at 8:25 pm

    I used to teach an entire classroom of 3 year olds. 20 3 year olds.

    It does get better, promise.
    .-= Just Shireen´s last blog ..The One Where I Ignore My Blog Because I’m Boring =-.

  6. annie

    July 17, 2009 at 10:55 pm

    Oh thank you, THANK YOU, for posting this! I felt like you were describing my Christopher in every single statement. My husband just asked me the other day, “Did the terrible twos just take a little while to show up?” (He’ll be 3 in Sept.) But OH MY GOSH the drama is just too much to handle. But the CUTENESS! MAKES UP FOR IT ALL. Well…almost.
    .-= annie´s last blog ..Seven Quick Takes =-.

  7. HALEY

    July 18, 2009 at 8:08 am

    I don’t have kids but he’s just so cute even when he is mad! Sorry, I’m no help!

    How do you get your pictures to do that? Can you teach us?
    .-= HALEY´s last blog ..broncfluitis =-.

  8. Ashley

    July 18, 2009 at 1:58 pm

    OMG!!!!!! My 2.5 year asks “Where are we going next?” about 300 times an hour and even if you tell her exactly where we are actually going she’ll say “No Mommy, that not right. We are going to Grammy’s house.” Even if we are just pulling out of the driveway at Grammy’s house. I tell ya, somedays the only thing saving me from insanity is the fact that she’s cute when she’s sleeping!
    .-= Ashley´s last blog ..Big Girl ‘Tone Live! =-.

  9. MommyTime

    July 18, 2009 at 5:52 pm

    The terrible twos are like a joke year compared with the horrifying threes. No kidding. At least the increased verbal skill means some nice perks in the way of loving messages and knock knock jokes. But seriously, the whining and drama are unbelievable. Hang in there! Four is WAAAAAY better.
    .-= MommyTime´s last blog .."Help, I’m falling and I can’t get up…" =-.

  10. birdgal (another amy)

    July 20, 2009 at 12:51 pm

    As someone who has a three year old, WELCOME! Please take your four (not three!! noooottt threeee!) blueberries and stay awhile! ;)

  11. Rose

    July 20, 2009 at 9:36 pm

    to the orphanage!?!?! hahahaha

    oh that’s so great.

    1 1/2 – 6 is devil age. they are nutso but they do have their fabulous moments :) great blog.
    .-= Rose´s last blog ..Steps =-.

  12. Nina

    July 21, 2009 at 4:48 pm

    Oh my gawd YES!!!!!!!! The threes re HORRIBLE!!! I have ALWAYS said the twos are NOTHING compared to the THREES!! I feel your pain.
    .-= Nina´s last blog ..Potty Raining, Also Know As Hell Around Here =-.

  13. Vicki

    July 22, 2009 at 2:19 pm

    i haven’t commented in a couple years…as 3 kids(and taking in extras on the side) has been kicking my ass. I have to chime in (all the way from Angella’s neck of the woods…literally) and say that I agree. I totally, whole-heartedly 100% agree. It was true with child #1 and child #2…and I’ll let you know about child #3 (who turns 3 at the end of next month). I can also tell you, which might take the sting out a bit, that I have found age 4 to be quite pleasurable.
    .-= Vicki´s last blog ..Proof we know each other… =-.

  14. Lynn

    July 25, 2009 at 10:25 am

    Loved this and shared it with friends! Even though we are only now approaching the 2’s (good lord).
    .-= Lynn´s last blog ..It IS a Summery Saturday Morning here =-.