The Impending Threes

Terrible twos, my ass. MY ASS. To any and all of you currently struggling with the terrible twos, I invite you to come spend a couple of minutes dealing with the Impending Threes. Remember this photo from exactly a year ago?


I’m almost two and my life is a heaping pile of dog shit.

I now present to you Wito’s emotional state at 6:45 this morning.


Such a beautiful day! May I have some blueberry yogurt?

I now present to you Wito’s emotional state at 6:46 this morning.



Other notable changes include:

1. Waking up at 5:30 a.m. in his big boy bed, jumping out and running into our room, screaming, “WHAT ARE WE DOING TODAY, MOMMY?”

2. Melodrama. While gleefully playing with his trains on the floor, Wito will suddenly look at me with insta-tears in eyes, pleading with me to get him some raisins from the kitchen. OMG, the drama. Just ASK for a snack, kid. No need to reinact Brad Pitt’s sobbing scene in Legends of the Fall over a damn box of raisins. (Will I ever quote a movie from the current decade? Stay tuned!))

3. Completely asinine requests that are nearly impossible to perform. “Make a blue truck sound, mommy. No, that’s a white truck sound! I SAID A BLUE TRUCK SOUND! BLUE TRUCKS GO BRUUUUUM, WHITE TRUCKS GO BRAAAAAM.” (Once again, dissolving into a puddle of tears on the floor.)

4. Constant repetition. The current favorite around here is, “Where are we going to next?” (TIMES 13,000) Where are we going to next, kid? TO THE ORPHANAGE.

5. Walking up to me, putting his chubby-knuckled hands on my face and saying, “I love you, mommy.”

Uh, forget everything I just said. #5 makes up for everything, doesn’t it? Someone buy this sweet, long-lashed angel a pony!

  1. Lyndsay

    July 16, 2009 at 1:38 pm

    My sister-in-law laughed when I bemoaned the “Terrible Twos” and told me to brace myself for the “Slit-my-Wrist Threes.” You just confirmed that. Thanks.

    Hanks has those pjs, too.
    .-= Lyndsay´s last blog ..Now Aint That a Sonofabitch? =-.

  2. justJENN

    July 16, 2009 at 1:40 pm

    I just used #4 yesterday at the dentist’s office.
    .-= justJENN´s last blog ..What up dawg? =-.

  3. sizzle

    July 16, 2009 at 1:47 pm

    Oh yes. I have seen these very things in action with my almost-three-year-old nephew. I have a feeling three is going to be a DOOZIE.
    .-= sizzle´s last blog ..Obligatory Fun =-.

  4. Elizabeth

    July 16, 2009 at 1:58 pm

    Last night my 2.5 year old went from skipping happily to Chernobyl in 0.8 seconds because I was going to use the wrong stroller to take him a walk (that he requested) to the library (his favorite place).

    I didn’t even have a preference on which stroller, I just picked the one I know he likes better.

    Except, apparently, his preference had shifted and I didn’t get the memo. That’s definitely worth of a tantrum on the garage floor, right?

    I feel for the kid, as we’re moving him to a new big bed in a new room, potty-training, changing preschools, AND having a new baby; all in a matter of a few months.

    But seriously, the stroller? Just say it in words, not meltdown.

  5. JennH

    July 16, 2009 at 2:02 pm

    Oh, you give me such hope for the future with my 17 month old. You mean these tantrums don’t just magically disappear??

  6. Crystal

    July 16, 2009 at 2:10 pm

    3’s SUCK. Plain and simple. I’ll be so happy when my son turns 4 in, oh, 9 months. Not that I’m counting or anything. But then, my daughter will be on her way to 3 and OH MY GOD.
    .-= Crystal´s last blog ..Potty Time =-.

  7. Catherine

    July 16, 2009 at 2:12 pm

    I feel you on #4. Where’s Daddy? Where’s Mommy? Where’s Grandpa? Where’s Ezra (the dog)? Where’s Toni? Where’s Jaydn? Where’s Daddy? Daddy work? Daddy right there? SHUT UP KID!!!! He drives me NUTS.

  8. Shelly Schmelzle

    July 16, 2009 at 2:32 pm

    I FEEL your pain, and I have TWO three year olds. Oh the drama that comes! The question of the day here is “what time is it mama?” This too shall pass.

  9. Sarah

    July 16, 2009 at 2:58 pm

    De-lurking to say this cracked me up. My boy just celebrated his 1st birthday two weeks ago but I could swear the terrible’s already live in my house. Flailing legs and wailing happen regularly if we dare to put the beloved swiffer away to rest until tomorrow. I need to start reading up because I am no match for him.

  10. Susannah

    July 16, 2009 at 3:09 pm

    Three is awesome if you like getting kissed and then sucker punched. Which I do, so, yeah, there’s that.
    .-= Susannah´s last blog ..My Bladder for a Baby =-.

  11. Paula

    July 16, 2009 at 3:15 pm

    I don’t want to be Debby Downer here, but I still have some tantrums going on here at SIX. He is a slow learner!

    And oy vey….the never ending TALK TALK TALKING. I sometimes pay him a dollar to stop for a few minutes so Mommy can have a moment.

    I know I will miss this when he is grown and out of the house, right?

  12. Hilary

    July 16, 2009 at 3:22 pm

    Three SUUUUUCKS. It sucks. Last week Rosemary had a fit because she wanted to LEAVE the playground. A screaming, drooling on herself fit because we were at a playground.

    I love your description of the drama, too. Perfect. Must every request be a little mini-Shakespearean drama?

    We’re still mired in three, so I can’t tell you if it gets better. At least they can’t drive.
    .-= Hilary´s last blog ..The curse of motherhood =-.

  13. SAJ

    July 16, 2009 at 4:09 pm

    oh man. it’s like they are all in a secret club. toddlers vs. mamas and they are winning!
    .-= SAJ´s last blog ..7 Days: Day 5 The Hand Talks! =-.

  14. KateP

    July 16, 2009 at 4:21 pm

    My son turned three two weeks ago. The only solace that I get from this post, is that at least we are all in the same irrational, tantrum-y boat.

  15. janella johnson

    July 16, 2009 at 5:11 pm

    There is an end to the tunnel one day. my 16yr old was terrible. I would sit holding the door knob shut to his door at nap time while he yelled and threw things at the door. I would sit there for a hour some days just holding the knob shut while holding on to the last marble I had. He is an angel teenager. Now his brother was not bad as a preschooler so does that mean I get it later from him?