My New Disorder

I have recently diagnosed myself with IADD. Internet Attention Deficit Disorder. The internet has turned my brain into a huge cataclysm of MORE INFORMATION NEED MORE INFORMATION NOW NOW NOW. I can’t just watch television. I can’t just listen to music. I can’t do anything for more than thirty minutes without compulsively lifting my laptop screen to check my email or write a Hair Thursday post or google the nearest self-serve yogurt place or visit my favorite blogs or search YouTube for videos of how to poach an egg or map out my next jogging route or buy cute shoes at Piperlime or check Twitter. What would happen if I suddenly lost all access to the internet? I WOULD SURELY CEASE TO EXIST, YO.

I can barely get through a television program anymore. The only ones that completely capture my attention are Mad Men, So You Think You Dance, Top Chef and Project Runway. All the rest are just so booooring with the talk talk talk and the fast-forwarding of the commercials and OH MY GOD I COULD TOTALLY LOOK UP THE 7-DAY WEATHER FORECAST FOR BOLIVIA RIGHT NOW.


What was I saying again?

Oh yeah, IADD. Thank the lord I have a child that can’t stand being inside during the day. If Wito didn’t keep me on my toes with playdates, errands and Gymboree classes, I swear I would be locked in a dark room subsisting on Trader Joe’s Pita Crisps and the glow of my laptop.

So! I’m trying to cut back my computer usage during the evenings while I’m doing…you know…things that you do when you are not using the computer. Like watching television programs? Is that what the people are doing these days?

Since I now have the attention span of a gnat, I’ve created my own fun game called Create Odd Facial Expressions By Pausing The Television In Order To Keep From Absolute IADD-Induced Boredom. (No, I am not kidding. I joyfully entertain myself with this game on a regular basis.) However, this isn’t a game for novices, people. You have to possess a lightning-fast reaction time. Your neurons need to be FIRING. No dilly-dallying.

Last night, I outdid myself. Look at this facial expression.


Cat Deeley, you have never looked so good. MWAHAAAAAAAAA.


What was I saying again?

  1. Kali

    August 6, 2009 at 4:20 pm

    Mad Men is one of the only TV shoes I don’t multitask while watching. It’s just too good!
    .-= Kali´s last blog ..My Brothers. =-.

  2. Angella

    August 6, 2009 at 4:22 pm

    Methinks you need to create a Flickr group. Oh, HOW FUN WOULD THAT BE?

  3. Backpacking Dad

    August 6, 2009 at 4:25 pm

    I was going to leave a comment but I
    .-= Backpacking Dad´s last blog ..Acoustic Six-String =-.

  4. Kathleen

    August 6, 2009 at 4:29 pm

    I was nodding along with you, but then you got to COFEBPTIOTKFA IADDIB game and I said, “YES!”

    Luckily I’m the only one in the office.

    My son delights in that game and it’s become a competition (after the I Will Beat You If You Don’t Give Me That Flipper game) to see who can get the best face.
    .-= Kathleen´s last blog ..loveshoes:Rupert Sanderson for Karl Lagerfeld.So funny – I… =-.

  5. Kerri Anne

    August 6, 2009 at 4:33 pm

    Since canceling my cable (even more ways to IADD: movies/shows/everything! ONLINE) I totally miss Cat Deeley and her super lanky frame.
    .-= Kerri Anne´s last blog ..Poetry, Speaking To Me =-.

  6. Susie

    August 6, 2009 at 4:48 pm

    IADD is eating my life. At this rate my dissertation has a better shot at writing itself. I haven’t gotten anything done this week, I might have to put myself on iPhone probation.

    Haaaah yeah right.
    .-= Susie´s last blog ..Soft Science =-.

  7. TJ

    August 6, 2009 at 4:50 pm

    Aren’t there meetings for IADD? Just askin’ since I should start attending before my other half checks me into rehab for it.

  8. Carrie

    August 6, 2009 at 5:04 pm

    I agree with the others, we need to start a support group. For me it’s “oh, I just need to check my emailGoogleReaderFacebookworkemailMamaBargainsTwitterCNN
    one more time, then I can turn the computer off.” But then when I get to the end of the loop, it’s been enough time since I started that I have to just do it one more time….
    .-= Carrie´s last blog ..Misc. Monday =-.

  9. Deidre

    August 6, 2009 at 5:06 pm

    This game can also be played with skype. But it’s less fun because its family and who wants to family’s faces contorted into fugly while skype has a minor break down? Who am I kidding, EVERYBODY.
    .-= Deidre´s last blog ..The Hair Gauge: Cute Boys Apatow and Tennis Style, That’s Just How I Roll =-.

  10. Amanda

    August 6, 2009 at 5:08 pm

    I freakin’ love it! Awesome reflexes too.
    I don’t know what I am going to do once school begins in a few weeks.
    .-= Amanda´s last blog ..Back To School Rituals =-.

  11. torrie

    August 6, 2009 at 5:10 pm

    You are a genius.
    .-= torrie´s last blog ..Our oldest =-.

  12. Melissa

    August 6, 2009 at 5:22 pm

    I’m waiting for this disorder to be added to the DSM, making it official, since I think I have it too!

  13. Rachel

    August 6, 2009 at 5:30 pm

    If I cut back on the computer I may go into full blown depression and nobody wants that shit.
    .-= Rachel´s last blog ..Oh the insanity! =-.

  14. Miss Blur

    August 6, 2009 at 5:46 pm

    We love that game at our house!!! So funny!
    And I know what you mean about the internet, it sucks me in everytime. Except now my power cord is going out so I only have a limited time on the computer before it dies so i’ve had to make rotations of things I check before it dies and I have to beg/plead for it to charge again to check the rest.

    ps. I also read on MSN, about a 15 year old dying in china while at a camp for internet addiction…
    .-= Miss Blur´s last blog ..Weekend and A tattoo?? =-.

  15. sizzle

    August 6, 2009 at 6:20 pm

    I suffer from this same affliction. Today while I could not access Twitter at work I actually lost my mind.
    .-= sizzle´s last blog ..More to Hate =-.