Since it’s Valentine’s Day, I hope you will allow me to wax poetic on relationships for a bit.
I mentioned that one of my 2012 resolutions was to rid myself of toxic relationships. I wrote about disingenuous and pot-stirring ones, but what about the relationships that always seem to bring you down? The friendships in which you don’t feel comfortable sharing happy news for fear of the negative reaction coming your way? Whether it be blatant negativity or passive aggressive jabs, it seems that we all have people like this in our life. My question to you is, WHY are these people in our life?
My wise parents taught me at a very young age that these kind of interactions are rarely about the recipient. When I would come home from school, upset about a mean-spirited statement, they would always say, “It’s not about you, it’s about them.” There could be a myriad of reasons why a person would want to rain on your parade, but it’s very, very rarely about you. My parents have branded that into my psyche. Hurtful jabs really don’t have that much to do with you.
As I’ve grown up, I’ve always kept that in the back of my mind, but in a way, it has allowed me to make apologies for this behavior. “Oh, he/she didn’t mean it, they are just having a rough time, ” or “They are dealing with some deeply-rooted insecurities regarding the issue” are some things I tell myself when I’m the recipient of such jabs. But you know what? I shouldn’t be making excuses for it. Hurtful, mean-spirited comments from a “friend” are hurtful and mean-spirited. Period, end of story.
One of the most important gifts you could ever give is to “lift your friends higher.” When something wonderful is happening to a friend, I want to be their #1 supporter, and on the flip side, nothing makes me happier than to share good news with a friend who celebrates with me. I can’t get over how many smart, talented and beautiful women (and men!) I have the pleasure to call friends. It’s insane, really. So many people doing such amazing things with their lives, and I feel so grateful when I can be a personal witness.
So! I have a couple of things to ask of you. If you are dealing with this kind of negativity from a friend, ask yourself, “is it worth it?” If you are constantly pumping positivity into a relationship, but only receiving negativity in return, maybe it’s time to reevaluate. You guys, if I’ve learned anything over the past few years, it’s that today could be your last. We’re only here once. This is it. Make every day your best. Lift people higher.
(I truly don’t know where all this motivational speaker biznass is coming from, but let’s roll with it, peeps!)
Here’s the most important part. I think, due to the above-mentioned negative behavior, that many of us tend to keep quiet about our achievements. I can’t even tell you how many times, when asked about a recent accomplishment, I look down at my feet and kick imaginary dirt, muttering something about being lucky or “I don’t know how it happened.” Well, on this lovely Valentine’s day, let’s change that. I want to hear about an accomplishment that YOU are proud of achieving – no self-deprecation, no kicking the dirt, just straight up pride, folks. It could be anything from emptying the dishwasher three nights in a row to winning a Pulitzer. Professional or personal, whatever.
Here, I’ll start. Deep breath.
Hi, I’m Sarah and I am PROUD of the hard work and consistent focus that I have put into writing my blogs for the past seven years. I know that the amazing opportunities coming my way are not luck, but a direct reflection of that commitment and focus.
Damn, that felt good! Now, it’s your turn. Don’t be shy, you guys. Reading these comments will make my week!
Helena
February 14, 2012 at 2:52 pmLoved this post! My name is Helena and I am proud that I manage to cook a healthy meal every day for my family. I am proud that I have not given in to the biscuit jar today. I am proud that I have followed the path that led me to this life, in another country away from my nearest and dearest, eventhough OMG it has been so hard at times. And still is. And I am proud that I have two healthy kids that drive me insane most days.
Next!
whoorl
February 14, 2012 at 5:28 pmOh, I can so relate on almost all levels. (Although not in another country, but halfway across the one I live in from my family.)
I’m thinking you deserve a virtual high five, Helena!
http://www.virtualhigh5.com/
Kristen Howerton
February 14, 2012 at 3:01 pmThis post is FANTASTIC. Such true words. Honestly, at times growing up it was my own family behaving in the ways you have described above, so I sometimes have a hard time developing boundaries as an adult, because it feels so normal.
Anyways. . . uplifting! I am proud of myself for following my intuition and taking my son’s food allergies seriously. It was really inconvenient and hard with three other kids to feed but I can see such good results and I’m proud I stuck with it instead of waving it off.
whoorl
February 14, 2012 at 5:30 pmKristen, you are beyond amazing. Your work ethic, your family ethic, your spirituality, your wit, writing, the LIST GOES ON AND ON AND ON. Proud to call you a friend.
Marcie
February 14, 2012 at 3:12 pmSeveral years ago I had a ‘toxic’ friendship that needed to end. I was a wimp and couldn’t do it. But my very best friend, such a good friend to me, gave me this advice: “Never be afraid to weed the friendship garden.” You have to rid your garden of bad weeds to allow all the good things to grow!
I’m proud that I trained for and ran my first half marathon last year in under my goal time. Then, because of that time I qualified for another half marathon. However the marathon was scheduled for last month when I was just starting my sixth month of pregnancy. Despite everyone telling me I couldn’t run in it, I decided I could do anything I set my mind to. And I ran that half marathon six months pregnant and have never been more proud of myself…
whoorl
February 14, 2012 at 5:33 pmThat is great advice, Marcie. I’ve totally made a mental note on that one.
Holy moly, a half marathon at 6 months pregnant? Um, INCREDIBLE.
Grace
February 14, 2012 at 3:15 pmMy name is Grace and I am DONE apologizing for making more money than my husband. I have an awesome job in computer engineering, am proud to stand out in my field, and am proud of being one of three women in my office that is otherwise comprised of men.
My husband is prouder than proud of me – I am DONE letting others’ ideas of gender stereotypes make me feel awkward.
whoorl
February 14, 2012 at 5:38 pmOh, hell to the no! It’s crazy that there STILL is a gender stereotype in the workplace, but I like to think that it is becoming less prominent with every year that passes. (Thanks to people like you!) Congrats!
Megan
February 14, 2012 at 3:24 pmThis is so, so timely for me. I had this exact thought this weekend, “WHY am I doing this?” It’s horrible to be excited about your accomplishments and then have to shuffle with your head down to avoid upsetting someone.
Sooo…I’m so proud of my relationship with my husband and how I have taken steps to make it a healthy, happy one. I’m proud of what a good mom I’ve become. I’m proud of the full time job I work in order to make a good life for my family. And I’m so proud of the good friend I am.
Thanks for the inspiration, Sarah!
whoorl
February 14, 2012 at 5:44 pmIsn’t it, though? Well, I’m glad you can tell us all about your accomplishments, of which you should be proud!! :)
Home Sweet Sarah
February 14, 2012 at 3:37 pmOkay, fine, FINE. I’m proud that at 27 (I’m 29 now) I got a Director title at work. It wasn’t because my old boss “told them to hire me” (TRUE STATEMENT THAT SOMEONE ONCE SAID TO ME), but because I have consistently worked hard through the years to get to where I am.
Whew, that feels good :-)
whoorl
February 14, 2012 at 5:47 pmAHAAAAA. I love it that you commented. You kick some serious ass, Sarah. Cheers to you! (13 minutes until happy hour, my friend…)
Emily @ Peck Life
February 14, 2012 at 4:45 pmThis is the best post and just what I needed to hear today!
My name is Emily and I’m proud that I breastfed my baby for 22 months, which included a full year of pumping at WORK! I think there is so much pride because it was so NOT EASY. Huge props to any mama that does it for ANY amoout of time and those that try their hardest even when it doesn’t work out. :)
whoorl
February 14, 2012 at 5:50 pmNice, Emily! With Wito, I went back to work and had to pump in MY CAR. It was so challenging, and you are right, big props to mamas who do it for any period of time!
Angella
February 14, 2012 at 4:46 pmI love this, Sarah. You are one of the sweetest, most loving, encouraging people I know. I am so glad that I get to call you Friend – you and yours always bring a smile to my face.
(Related: We just watched the Levi’s video you linked to on FB. Nathan: “I miss Sarah.”)
I, like you, tend to look to the ground and brush things off. But you know what? I’m a damn good Mom, a pretty great friend, and I’ve finally admitted that I HATE my job. I’m making big changes in May and I can’t hardly wait.
Also? I’ve stopped brushing off my photography and writing achievements. Yes, I am an accountant, but I am a photographer and writer as well.
(Love you guys!)
whoorl
February 14, 2012 at 5:56 pmThanks, friend. You have always been there for me, and I appreciate it so much.
(My God, these comments are making me so VERKLEMPT.)
You are an amazing mom, photographer, friend, writer…the list goes on and on.
(And seriously, NATHAN. I love that boy.)
Danielle (elleinadspir)
February 14, 2012 at 5:33 pmI am so proud of your accomplishments. You should sing about them from the rooftops. You work hard and you should enjoy your success!!! I can’t wait to go back and read the comments on this post when I have a minute. As for me…I started karate last month and it is never something I would do. Feels great to step outside of my comfort zone. As for the toxic relationships, there is one I try and distance myself from but I keep getting pulled in. But I’m trying to find compromise and peace and enough distance to keep my sanity. Great post S.
whoorl
February 14, 2012 at 5:57 pmDude, Danielle! Karate rules! Are you doing it with Bonham? That is awesome!
Danielle (elleinadspir)
February 14, 2012 at 6:03 pmAt the same place, but not with him. Mine is in the mornings. I am a white belt…he out ranks me by 2 belts ;) It has been amazing. I never knew how much I would love hitting and kicking things!
Amanda Brown
February 14, 2012 at 5:36 pmI am Amanda (hear me roar) and last year I worked through the Real Estate Course in six months, wrote and passed my exam, all while going on pretty much NO sleep (because I had a newborn). I also started attending a boot camp class regularly and lost all the baby weight, and got strong and fit and have finally formed a healthy attachment to exercise. I don’t know how I made it through the last year, but now that I’m on the other side, it feels like I’ve found pieces of myself I didn’t even realize I had lost.
I am so happy to see all these great opportunities coming your way, Sarah. You are deserving of all your success!
whoorl
February 14, 2012 at 6:03 pmThanks, Amanda!
I’m so glad I finally got the chance to meet you last year and tell you what a lovely, lovely person you are. Man, you PERSEVERED last year. You should be proud, my friend. Crazy proud. xo
Allison
February 14, 2012 at 5:44 pmI am incredibly proud of applying for and getting a promotion that makes me one of the youngest, if not the youngest person in my department to be a Senior Manager. It is sometimes hard to be excited when people are giving you the stink eye, but I try to ignore them.
I think what you’re doing is so positive, even though it’s hard to let go of a friendship. We need our friends to bring out the best in us.
whoorl
February 14, 2012 at 6:04 pm“It is sometimes hard to be excited when people are giving you the stink eye, but I try to ignore them. ” Girl, don’t we all know it. (That gave me a good chuckle, by the way.)
Congrats on the promotion!
Kait
February 14, 2012 at 6:06 pm(I’m coming out of lurking to comment on this because I love it. So so so much.)
I’m proud that after a lifetime (okay, 25 years but it’s my lifetime so…) of running away when things got difficult or looked like they were heading in a direction that might hurt, I am done. I am proud that I have figured out what is toxic and what is just hard. I am proud that I’ve been married for 5.5 years and we’ve been through a load of ugly stuff but we still laugh together every single day because neither of us are giving up. I’m proud that even though it’s been a nightmare we’re almost done adopting our children and we haven’t given up on our family just because it’s been a tough road.
And mainly, I’m proud that when I look at myself in the mirror I like who I see even if I look like a big hot fancy mess.
whoorl
February 15, 2012 at 7:49 amLove the last sentence! Congratulations, Kait. Sounds like you have made huge strides over the past 25 years!
Madeline
February 14, 2012 at 6:13 pmOkay! I’ll play! The thing is, my pride is always always always colored with the knowledge of being enormously lucky by virtue of birth (y’know, first world and all!). AAAAnnnnnyyyway….
I’m proud that I am continuing to lose weight and get healthier, but I’m even more proud that I am willing to actually talk honestly about my struggles publicly. To other people that aren’t inside my head. On a blog. Whoa.
whoorl
February 15, 2012 at 7:59 amCongratulations on the weight loss – that takes tremendous focus and resolve, and you should be proud! Also, it takes so much courage to put yourself out there, so I commend you!
narmalie
February 14, 2012 at 7:09 pmThank you for this… I LOVED reading this post and all of the comments. I would like to have every person who commented over for cocktails.
I’m proud of myself for deciding to go back to work full-time and landing a perfect job for me within a week of making that decision. It was definitely “right place, right time,” but I’d also like to think it was “hey! this girl is awesomely qualified and also fun and we have to hire her ASAP!” It’s ok to be proud of a skill set, and to know that others respect you for it. Thanks, Sarah.
whoorl
February 15, 2012 at 8:01 am“I don’t believe in luck. Luck is when PREPARATION meets OPPORTUNITY.” Oh yeah, that’s right. Oprah said it. (Congrats, mama!!!)
berlin hair baby
February 14, 2012 at 7:28 pmYou’re good people, Sarah & I’m really happy for your success! You put together amazing+fun posts that are informational and tons of fun. I wish you the best of luck and continued happiness (and of course great hair!)
I’m proud of successfully moving my family across the world and for finding a positive, loving & consistent support network :) xoxo BHB
whoorl
February 15, 2012 at 8:03 amThank you, BHB! I feel the same way about your posts – I love each and every one.
I can’t even imagine moving across the world…you are a rockstar, and I hope one day we can actually meet each other!!