Disaster Pie

Since Wito has officially graced us with his presence for an entire year, I received the go-ahead from my pediatrician to feed him whatever we eat. (Except peanuts, I know. OHMYGAHDON’TLETHIMTOUCHAPEANUTI’MHYPERVENTILATING.)

This new piece of culinary information has literally thrown me into a tailspin. He’s supposed to eat what I eat? Like burritos? And Frankenberry cereal? Huh? This can’t be right- Wito eats Cheerios, cheese, fruit, English muffins and Earth’s Best baby food. End of story.

Well, I guess things must change. Except, we eat dinner after he’s asleep. How is that supposed to work? I’M LOOKING AT YOU FOR SOME ANSWERS, DR. HOT. Am I supposed to be this highly confused about the matter? You would think someone just requested me to explain why Danny didn’t win So You Think You Can Dance.

This is the part where you come in to save the day. What do/did you feed your 1-year olds? (Who go to bed at 6:30-7:00. Long before our dinner commences.)

Well, I’ll tell you what you SHOULD NOT feed toddlers or frankly, any adults on the planet Earth.

Olive Pie.

Darren and I really thought we were onto something with this whole Olive Pie idea. We had been emailing for weeks about our sinful love for green olives, and how our Olive Pie could possibly be the closest thing to God. Olive Pie Lovers Unite! I spent some time searching for recipes on various popular food websites, but couldn’t seem to find much more than a British recipe for an olive and anchovy pie.

(Note to self: If you can’t find a recipe online, it’s probably NOT because you’ve brilliantly come up with the next culinary delight to sweep the nation. Nope, it’s definitely because your idea SUCKS.)

Yet, Darren and I forged ahead, ignoring all of the naysayers and pie-hatas. We decided to use a variety of green olives, red onions, mushrooms, sun-dried tomatoes and feta cheese all mixed together in a flaky pie crust. (See? Sounds downright delish!)

Very special ingredients.

Very special pie crust.

How could this not be wonderful? I KNOW! Darren jumped right in…

I hope you don’t mind, I started chopping already.

Does it look like I mind? Could you hand me that bag of chips over there?

People don’t even know what’s about to hit them. We are the pie masters.

Now, you have to admit. This looks pretty good, right?

Here I am holding the pie and wondering why a faint putrid odor has invaded my nasal membrane. Actually, I’m wondering lots of things.

1. How is this pie going to stay together when we cut into it?
2. Why are the olives shriveled? And smelly?
3. Are sun-dried tomatoes supposed to look like that?
4. Do I really like olives as much as I previously thought?
5. OHMAHGAH, are some of these olives non-pitted?
6. What kind of an asshole would try to make an olive pie?

But wait! We were prepared for this! We saved half of the filling AND an extra pie crust, ready to improve our pie. We decided raw egg could be the glue for our misunderstood pie! YES! We mixed one raw egg with the remaining filling, took one whiff of the stinky cheese/olive/raw egg mixture and…

We all know where this is leading, yes?

Whoorl and Darren’s Olive Pie, Rest in Peace.

I can’t believe I’m related to this woman.

  1. SAJ

    August 19, 2007 at 8:03 pm

    I’m cracking up about the frankenberries added to the pie idea…but hey it made a great story! I think you should illustrate all your stories with pictures like this (and hair shots).

  2. gorillabuns

    August 19, 2007 at 8:26 pm

    the only time olives are good in anything – mixed with cream cheese or in a good stiff drink.

  3. Angella

    August 19, 2007 at 8:48 pm

    You were a brave woman for even trying. Good on you for dumping it though…I can’t imagine the aftermath on your digestive system!

  4. janet

    August 19, 2007 at 9:33 pm

    oh man I just love you. this is hilarious. I can see where you were going with this olive pie thing, it had POTENTIAL. Sad ending though, huh. Maybe you needed to mix some vodka in there or something?

  5. jonb

    August 19, 2007 at 9:54 pm

    That’s a whole lot of really intense ingredients. I probably would have traded in the pie crust for some Trader Joe’s pizza dough and make a pizza using the onion, mushrooms and feta (and maaaybe a few sun-dried tomatoes). Then, what I would do with those green olives is add some really cold gin to them (sapphire or Hendricks should do). Either that, or feed them to my 1-year-old–he’d eat em’.

  6. annie

    August 19, 2007 at 10:26 pm

    um, yeah. that’s gross.

  7. julie

    August 19, 2007 at 10:29 pm

    my son will eat hummus for every meal. he can eat about a quarter of a huge container of red pepper, roasted garlic or plain hummus, at one sitting. he is 11 months old. and a gigantic child. he eats earth’s best baby food too. and hummus. i am grateful for all these ideas here, because i think we need to mix it up a little

    maybe someone will like some of our ideas:

    earth’s best organic cheese crackers in big bird shapes
    plain yogurt
    yobaby yogurt (a lot of sugar, though)
    regular, adult applesauce w/out sugar
    bagels or mini bagels
    little shreddies of organic chicken if we’ve made some
    “organic greens with envy” from trader joe’s in the frozen food section. i microwave some and then put them in a little mini food processor i bought for 8 dollars at the drugstore. then i mix them with hummus. he loves them.
    tater tots
    little bits of string cheese
    pirate’s booty

    all dairy and salt.
    oh, he likes capers and kalamata olives cooked with tomato paste and baby plum tomatoes over lentils.
    maybe he’d like olive pie.

  8. julie

    August 19, 2007 at 10:31 pm

    sorry – wanted to clarify. cascadian farm makes organic tater tots in the frozen food section of whole foods.

    and i forgot: tofu mixed with hummus.

  9. Alissa

    August 20, 2007 at 1:05 am

    Why don’t you save your and hubby’s leftovers (or make extra if there won’t be any leftovers) and give to Wito the next day at dinner. I’m sure you might be eating better things than quick kid dinners. Also 1 less meal to cook. At lunch why dosen’t he eat the same as you are having as well.

    I think the pie idea has potential but maybe not in pie form. How about little flatish tartlets – puff pastry, sliced olives, tomatoes slices or chopped sundried tomatoes, oregano, parmesan. Well anyways something along those lines.

  10. OMSH

    August 20, 2007 at 3:17 am

    Is Darren wearing the “OOPS” apron? B/c I soooooooooo kept mine in spite of all the post BlogHer scrappage over how sexist that was to assume female bloggers COOK.

    And? I’m a huge olive pan, but not a fan of quiche or pies … so, glad to see you tossed it

  11. Emily R

    August 20, 2007 at 3:34 am

    The pie sounds heavenly! You could put it all onto a pizza crust, I guess. I’m so sad it turned out to be The Nast.

  12. bishOp stu tu

    August 20, 2007 at 4:15 am

    dearest whOOrl gOOrl,

    This experiment was entirely too GREEK…just ANOTHER bad GRECIAN idea, as is buttal sex.

    They have had many bad ideas through the centuries…lost an empire.

    Get back to yOUr rOOts…chicken fried steak and Ron Paul for President.

    tankee, da bishOp

  13. bethany actually

    August 20, 2007 at 4:29 am

    I guess others have said this, but I’ll say it again: leftovers from yours & D’s meal the night before, cut up into small pieces for Wito, would probably work for his dinner. Keep in mind that some kids prefer food cold or room-temp, even when it sounds gross to adults (my daughter LOVES cold spaghett). All other suggestions above sound good. Keep feeding him what you know he likes and is good for him, and offer him bites of whatever you’re eating, too. (Honey is another food you shouldn’t give to the under-2 set, btw.)

  14. Kate P

    August 20, 2007 at 5:46 am

    Have you made the Pioneer Woman’s Olive Bread? I beg of you, please try that before moving forward with more Olive Pie. Please!!!

    My son is about 5 weeks older than Wito. He eats anything. Except for broccoli, but I can trick him into eating by mixing it with Mac and Cheese. We eat dinner after he is bed also, so I usually end up making two meals. That works out okay, though, because his diet is much higher in fat than I would prefer to eat everyday. Although, have you tasted mac and cheese made with whole milk? I understand why my boy can’t get it in his mouth fast enough.

    I love the ideas that other readers have shared, since I am looking for some ideas to start sending in his lunch (yes, I have to pack his lunch. Crazy. He is one, not in kindergarten!) By the way, at Chipotle (I noticed your cup) they will make a small cheese quesadilla in the steamer.

  15. kylei

    August 20, 2007 at 6:31 am

    Hey I am at work so I havent read through all the comments…(like you care huh?) :) Someone may have given you this idea already but honest to god my child lives off of left overs and Chef boyardee they have these new little tiny meals in a little tiny bowl my 1 1/2 yr eats about half of those some cheese and fruit. But honestly what ever you eat same some and feed it to him the next night. here is the link:

    PS the pie looked great and you could have totally fooled me on it :)