Disaster Pie

Since Wito has officially graced us with his presence for an entire year, I received the go-ahead from my pediatrician to feed him whatever we eat. (Except peanuts, I know. OHMYGAHDON’TLETHIMTOUCHAPEANUTI’MHYPERVENTILATING.)

This new piece of culinary information has literally thrown me into a tailspin. He’s supposed to eat what I eat? Like burritos? And Frankenberry cereal? Huh? This can’t be right- Wito eats Cheerios, cheese, fruit, English muffins and Earth’s Best baby food. End of story.

Well, I guess things must change. Except, we eat dinner after he’s asleep. How is that supposed to work? I’M LOOKING AT YOU FOR SOME ANSWERS, DR. HOT. Am I supposed to be this highly confused about the matter? You would think someone just requested me to explain why Danny didn’t win So You Think You Can Dance.

This is the part where you come in to save the day. What do/did you feed your 1-year olds? (Who go to bed at 6:30-7:00. Long before our dinner commences.)

Well, I’ll tell you what you SHOULD NOT feed toddlers or frankly, any adults on the planet Earth.

Olive Pie.

Darren and I really thought we were onto something with this whole Olive Pie idea. We had been emailing for weeks about our sinful love for green olives, and how our Olive Pie could possibly be the closest thing to God. Olive Pie Lovers Unite! I spent some time searching for recipes on various popular food websites, but couldn’t seem to find much more than a British recipe for an olive and anchovy pie.

(Note to self: If you can’t find a recipe online, it’s probably NOT because you’ve brilliantly come up with the next culinary delight to sweep the nation. Nope, it’s definitely because your idea SUCKS.)

Yet, Darren and I forged ahead, ignoring all of the naysayers and pie-hatas. We decided to use a variety of green olives, red onions, mushrooms, sun-dried tomatoes and feta cheese all mixed together in a flaky pie crust. (See? Sounds downright delish!)

Very special ingredients.

Very special pie crust.

How could this not be wonderful? I KNOW! Darren jumped right in…

I hope you don’t mind, I started chopping already.

Does it look like I mind? Could you hand me that bag of chips over there?

People don’t even know what’s about to hit them. We are the pie masters.

Now, you have to admit. This looks pretty good, right?

Here I am holding the pie and wondering why a faint putrid odor has invaded my nasal membrane. Actually, I’m wondering lots of things.

1. How is this pie going to stay together when we cut into it?
2. Why are the olives shriveled? And smelly?
3. Are sun-dried tomatoes supposed to look like that?
4. Do I really like olives as much as I previously thought?
5. OHMAHGAH, are some of these olives non-pitted?
6. What kind of an asshole would try to make an olive pie?

But wait! We were prepared for this! We saved half of the filling AND an extra pie crust, ready to improve our pie. We decided raw egg could be the glue for our misunderstood pie! YES! We mixed one raw egg with the remaining filling, took one whiff of the stinky cheese/olive/raw egg mixture and…

We all know where this is leading, yes?

Whoorl and Darren’s Olive Pie, Rest in Peace.

I can’t believe I’m related to this woman.

  1. Kami

    August 19, 2007 at 4:19 pm

    OMG! Can’t. Stop. Laughing.

    I especially like #6 on the list of things you were thinking.

    Personally Olive Pie sounds outright revolting to me but then again that’s pretty much how I feel about olives. If I liked them, I’m sure it would have seemed like a great idea.

    AND, do not, under any circimstances, feed that to Wito. I am sure whatever came out the other end would be much, much worse.

  2. Kim

    August 19, 2007 at 4:29 pm

    I am so going to be coming back to check up on the comments for this one! No, not because you’re olive pie looked really nasty but because I very well may try feeding that to my 1-year old some nights when I’m absolutely desperate. (Okay, that’s a slight exaggeration but you get the point.) Most nights I rely on Gerber for ideas for her dinners and it’s killing me with guilt. Hopefully you’ll get some great suggestions and we can all benefit :) So thanks for having the same dilemmas! Glad I’m not the only one…

  3. LVGurl

    August 19, 2007 at 4:44 pm

    (Precious bitch… I love it!)

    The pie sounded questionable when I read about it on Twitter, but looked good pre-baked. The aftermath sounded horrid.

    We have done the same thing since sprouting children… eating dinner after they go to bed. Unless I can get my buns in gear at 4pm everyday and cook, the chicks are asleep by the time Andrew and I eat. So yes, we too feed the kids different food than we eat.

    Paige (13 mo.) eats soft fruits and steamed veggies, whole wheat toast, small bites of quesadillas, cheese, yogurt, beans, annie’s mac & cheese and various pastas, and the occasional rotisserie chicken or meatball…and she’ll eat leftovers of things I deem healthy enough for her virgin diet. Oh, and I think Andrew fed her egg today. Makenna used to eat the same things, but has evolved and now only eats preschooler fare: mac & cheese, chicken fingers, Trader Joe’s mini pizzas. And every fruit she can get her hands on.

    Wito is so cute…

  4. Angela

    August 19, 2007 at 5:04 pm

    It looks like it has the makings of a *lovely* olive salad though! That has to count for something, right?

  5. Kathy

    August 19, 2007 at 5:27 pm

    I’m sure the garbage man will appreciate the loose olive filling after it’s been simmering in the heat of summer in a black garbage can. Mmmm I love the smell of hot rotten olive pie in the morning.

  6. Schnozz

    August 19, 2007 at 5:28 pm

    Okay, what if you put olives into a BLENDER and mixed it with other stuff? Like cream cheese?

    I have this blended squash soup recipe that involves squash and cream cheese and a few spices, and it’s awesome. I keep thinking you could maybe translate that to a smooth green olive pie somehow.

    Or maybe I should just let it die. BUT I STILL BELIEVE.

  7. jonniker

    August 19, 2007 at 5:31 pm

    Oh dude, I ADOAH olives, but there is no way I would make the leap to an olive pie, no matter how good you told me it could be. No no no.

    But you know, that mixture would be delightful in a ghetto-Italian torte, layered with garlic cream cheese and provolone.

  8. Andrea

    August 19, 2007 at 5:37 pm

    Sorry about the pie, good idea, not so great final product.

    I’ve started feeding Charlie almost anything we have for dinner, although we have the same eating after the baby is in bed issue. In a pinch scrambled eggs, frozen whole wheat waffles with applesauce on top or annie’s mac and cheese are always a pleaser. I made lasagnae tonight and he gobbled it right up. I guess we are lucky to have a very good eater on our hands.

    A question for you. Were you told no peanut butter at one? I was told we could do creamy peanut butter, just no actual peanuts becasue of their choking hazard. I’ve been giving him peanut butter toast for the last few weeks and he loves it. I guess each doctor has a different opinion.

    I heard no peanuts until 3 IF you have a relative with food allergies. Otherwise, starting at 1 is perfectly fine.

  9. Jessica

    August 19, 2007 at 5:39 pm

    Ok do you really want us to answer you on what to feed Wito? B/c I can pull kid food ideas out of thin air… Let me lay a few on ya.
    cream cheese on flat bread (you can also use the fruited cream cheese)
    jelly on flat bread, mac n’ cheese, chicken nuggets, quesadilla w/ a shmear of refried beans, black beans, raisins, veggie pasta swirls, cheese, gnocchi, sweet potato, potato with cheese, grilled cheese, chicken chunks, every fruit known to man, veggies galore (carrots, peas, beans), hamburger, boca burger, ravioli, spaghettios, yogurt, applesauce…
    I could just keep going, and going, and going…The lists for the triplets are endless. Thank goodness the twins will eat ANYTHING at this age, the boys are getting a bit pickier now, but the girls, they’ll still eat ANYTHING!! :) God love ’em…
    And they eat before we do. We put all 5 down for bed between 630/7p and then our dinner is on the table at 715. That’s adult time.
    As for your olive pie, I thought it sounded pretty bad to begin with, but I gave you and Darren props for trying.

  10. sizzle

    August 19, 2007 at 5:58 pm

    maybe it wasn’t meant to be a “pie” but something else because all those ingredients are yummy.

    my nephew, recently one, eats avocados, bananas, oatmeal, french fries (he loooooves them) and can totally suck down a grape juice box like nobody’s business. 100% juice of course.

  11. Danielle

    August 19, 2007 at 6:11 pm

    The transition to totally self-feeding “adult” foods is hard. Emily (14 mos.) eats a bunch of macaroni and cheese, grilled cheese sandwiches, PB&Js, chopped up pieces of chicken (buy a rotisserie chicken and it will feed the beast for a week or more), various bread products (frozen waffles and pancakes are great, sans syrup), whatever veggies I feel like cooking/defrosting for her, cut up hot dog, etc. What’s wacky is that she likes all kinds of stuff we eat that I wouldn’t think of feeding her — edamame, spinach pasta in pesto sauce, etc. My doc told me you have to try to feed something to them 20 times before considering it rejected. Oh, she also loves banana (obviously), blueberries, plums . . . I mean, just whatever you feel like giving him is totally fine now. Throw some shit together and call it a meal!

  12. Annika

    August 19, 2007 at 6:19 pm

    We skipped baby food and have fed Sam table food from the get-go. He eats everything we allow him to eat, which is everything but meat, with limited dairy. For protein I give him lots of tofu, hummus, eggs, and beans. And I defy allergies and let him eat peanuts all the time. He also still nurses – I think I remember that you switched to formula, right? There is no reason to stop giving him a few bottles a day, which pretty much eliminates worry about nutrients and lets him figure out flavors and textures with no pressure.

  13. Rattling the Kettle

    August 19, 2007 at 6:36 pm

    I dunno…I think the pie has potential. Maybe if you scrapped the feta and sundried.

    At one year, our doc gave us the go-ahead to feed the boy sushi. Good thing, since he’d been begging for it at the sushi bar for a while at that point. Note to internet: teaching your toddler to order hamachi will make you very popular with your sushi chef.

  14. chilihead

    August 19, 2007 at 6:45 pm

    Maybe if you added the Frankenberries to the pie? ;)

  15. Gretchen

    August 19, 2007 at 7:44 pm

    I agree, the ingredients for the pie sound fabulous, but maybe they need to be a tiny bit “diluted” by something more than a pie crust…

    My son Scott was fed table food and homemade baby food from the beginning, but now he is a nightmare eater. He mostly lives off milk and graham crackers. But sometimes we get lucky and he will eat the veggies and chicken chunks out of leftover stir frys and curries. As for the different meal times issue, that happened with my daughter and I almost liked it because she ate WAY healthier than we did for a long time. Frozen veggies, precooked chicken, breads/bagels, quesadillas, grilled cheese, leftover noodles, fruit, canned veggies, cheese, fresh tomato chunks, beans, rice/couscous, etc. Good luck!