Why do questions from strangers about your pregnancy follow the exact same pattern 85% of the time?
The Holy Trilogy of Pregnancy-Related Questions:
1) When are you due?
2) Is it a boy or a girl?
3) Have you picked a name?
These questions are usually followed with a couple of random tidbits about their own pregnancies with a possible hand movement towards the belly- of which I DENY with a quick fake sneeze. Hands off the belly, people.
Obviously, I have no issue with telling people the due date or gender, but the name game makes me a tad uncomfortable.
Here’s the deal. We have the name picked out and we absolutely love it, but are keeping it a secret. Why, you ask? Well, it’s like our own little special unveiling when the whoorlito is born. However, this approach REALLY confuses some people… especially the people I barely know. Isn’t it always the quasi-strangers or pseudo-acquaintances that pull this type of shit? I can’t tell you how many times I have heard, “You KNOW the name, but you’re not TELLING anyone?” And they say these words with such utter confusion in their eyes. Um yes, that would be the situation jacko.
Based on those uncomfortable situations, I have chosen to completely lie regarding the name game. Because lying makes life easier, yes? Whoorlito, don’t say I never taught you anything. Everytime someone asks me if we have a name yet, I shrug my shoulders and tell them “Noooo, my husband and I can’t seem to agree on anything”. Yes, that’s right- I’ve been lying to you and you and you. And everytime, you lay off with the questions. Works like a charm.
Until this past month. The lying isn’t working anymore. Is a higher power trying to teach me an important lying lesson? Maybe because I’m in the home stretch, but strangers keep pressing and pressing, “Well do you have any options?”, “And what would those be?”, “What about family names?”, “You know, (insert name) is such a beautiful name. Don’t you think?”
OH SWEET JEBUS, leave me be! I’m not telling you anything! SHIT. Do you see the pain I’m causing myself with this lying? Long, drawn-out, “problem-solving” conversations to help me name my child who really already has a name, but I’m too much of a wimp to say “Yes, we have a name and we are keeping it a secret”.
Hi, I’m Whoorl, the people-pleaser. Nice to meet you.
So now, I guess I’ll have to tell the truth to keep from lengthy and pointless conversations about what to name my child.
I’m skeered.
amanda
June 28, 2006 at 8:05 pmHow do you ever refrain from smacking these Nosy Nellie’s hands away when they go for the belly? I hate being touched on a regular basis, I’d be super weird about it if I were pregnant. As for the name, how about saying… “Oh, we’re waiting to meet him before we name him. You know, like a puppy.” That’s weird enough to shut people up.
Jurgen Nation
June 28, 2006 at 6:36 pmShit, I think I’ve asked you that about twice now. I totally understand, though. I’d never tell anyone what I was naming until it is born. (Boy: Felix, but this is the only time I’ll say it.) Also, the tummy thing would irritate me.
Stacie
June 29, 2006 at 7:11 amWell, I understand why some people wouldn’t enjoy having perfect strangers touching their belly all the time. However, I have been pregnant four times now and it honestly never bothered me. I always kind of thought it was a sweet gesture… that other people were excited for me and wanted to experience a kick or a movement for themselves. It’s understandable, right? But, yes, it’s your body and if it bothers you it’s your right to say, “I’d rather you not fondle me or my unborn child”.
Natalie
June 29, 2006 at 11:15 amI think it’s more a matter of them just going for it. No ask, just reaching out and feeling das belly. I can totally understand wanting to experience a kick or a movement, but it’s the total stranger reaching out with out any warning.
chantel
June 29, 2006 at 11:31 amMy best friend is doing this. I caught on a while ago. Now I ask her for fun, I like to see what made up name she and her husband are using this week. It totally cracks me up but I respect her privacy because it IS private and it’s HER business. However, she lets me touch the belly because I’m her girl and she still can’t beleive there is another person inside of her so she wants a witness.
Another co-worker of mine literally walked around the office for 9 months and said; “I’m not telling you its private.” Something very admirable about the truth.
carrie
June 30, 2006 at 6:43 amI’m six months pregnant with baby #2, and while I don’t mind FRIENDS or some FAMILY members (the ones I like) touching my belly now, I did mind greatly when a co-worker who suspected I was pregnant (because she saw me eating a donut) touched it! I was only 8 weeks and had to lie and say I wasn’t anyway because my own in-laws didn’t know! That’s actually happened to me twice: people who had no idea if I was even pregnant or not touching me.
As for the names, I’m with you. If my husband and I can ever agree on a name, we aren’t going to tell but maybe one or two people whose opinions I value. If you have one you like, don’t give just anyone the chance to comment on it. If you tell people what it is, they just assume you want their opinion about it, which you probably don’t.
rebecca
June 30, 2006 at 2:09 pmI remember this well. I was free with telling people the names we liked, and definitely learned my lesson for next time! I don’t know why it is, but people feel free to judge anything and everything related to your pregnancy. I always wanted to wear a shirt that said “it’s a boy, his name is evan, he’s due in april” just so I could avoid answering THE SAME ANNOYING questions over and over again.
I also became an expert hand-on-belly dodger. I worked with a girl who drove me crazy because every Monday without fail she would run up to me, touch my belly and say really loudly “Oh my God! You really popped out!” Even typing that sentence out right now gave me the heebs.
Sorry for the uber-long comment, just had to chime in and say I hear you, girl. Can’t wait to see pics of and hear all about Shamacaus Whoorlito Archibald. :)
MsPrufrock
June 30, 2006 at 2:53 pmI cannot get away from this blasted naming question lately. For awhile it was the gender question, now it’s all about the name since we know the sex. When I tell the enquirer that we have a list but don’t want to divulge it, they actually beg me to tell them. Christ on a bike people are strange when it comes to all matters pregnancy.
Sarcastic Journalist
June 30, 2006 at 3:00 pmDo you like the name Bob? It is such a sweet name.
Rachel
June 30, 2006 at 5:43 pmSorry if this posts twice – I’m having network issues.
We don’t know which flavor we’re getting, so we have to be prepared for either one. Since we have a girl’s name picked out that I absolutely ADORE, I’m sure The Speck will turn out to be a boy, and I am stumped on the boy names.
When people ask, we tell them no, we do not know the gender, and it doesn’t matter anyway because we’re naming it Marshmallow Fluff no matter what flavor it is.
That shuts people up pretty good.
Kim
June 30, 2006 at 8:36 pmWe knew from the very beginning we weren’t sharing the name of the baby. Before we knew if it was a boy or girl, we decided to call the baby Dave Grohl. Our family and friends were furious that we wouldn’t share the real name with them and they refused to believe we would name a little girl Dave. But they finally just accepted it and by half way, they were calling her Dave too. We found that it was much easier to tell those nosey strangers we hadn’t decided on a name yet. It sure beat the endless conversation of “Oh you can tell me! I won’t tell anyone.” Please! I don’t get it either… it’s not the most important piece of the situation but I guess it’s the piece everyone thinks they’re entitled to give their unwelcome input.
The Muttering Muse
July 1, 2006 at 10:11 amYea what is up with touching a complete strangers belly? If a woman wasnt pregnant that would be considered harrassment, but someone because she has her unborn child in there now it isnt? You should wear a T-Shirt that says “Touch me and die” across the bellly. Or, “Back away from the Belly.” :)