Why do questions from strangers about your pregnancy follow the exact same pattern 85% of the time?
The Holy Trilogy of Pregnancy-Related Questions:
1) When are you due?
2) Is it a boy or a girl?
3) Have you picked a name?
These questions are usually followed with a couple of random tidbits about their own pregnancies with a possible hand movement towards the belly- of which I DENY with a quick fake sneeze. Hands off the belly, people.
Obviously, I have no issue with telling people the due date or gender, but the name game makes me a tad uncomfortable.
Here’s the deal. We have the name picked out and we absolutely love it, but are keeping it a secret. Why, you ask? Well, it’s like our own little special unveiling when the whoorlito is born. However, this approach REALLY confuses some people… especially the people I barely know. Isn’t it always the quasi-strangers or pseudo-acquaintances that pull this type of shit? I can’t tell you how many times I have heard, “You KNOW the name, but you’re not TELLING anyone?” And they say these words with such utter confusion in their eyes. Um yes, that would be the situation jacko.
Based on those uncomfortable situations, I have chosen to completely lie regarding the name game. Because lying makes life easier, yes? Whoorlito, don’t say I never taught you anything. Everytime someone asks me if we have a name yet, I shrug my shoulders and tell them “Noooo, my husband and I can’t seem to agree on anything”. Yes, that’s right- I’ve been lying to you and you and you. And everytime, you lay off with the questions. Works like a charm.
Until this past month. The lying isn’t working anymore. Is a higher power trying to teach me an important lying lesson? Maybe because I’m in the home stretch, but strangers keep pressing and pressing, “Well do you have any options?”, “And what would those be?”, “What about family names?”, “You know, (insert name) is such a beautiful name. Don’t you think?”
OH SWEET JEBUS, leave me be! I’m not telling you anything! SHIT. Do you see the pain I’m causing myself with this lying? Long, drawn-out, “problem-solving” conversations to help me name my child who really already has a name, but I’m too much of a wimp to say “Yes, we have a name and we are keeping it a secret”.
Hi, I’m Whoorl, the people-pleaser. Nice to meet you.
So now, I guess I’ll have to tell the truth to keep from lengthy and pointless conversations about what to name my child.
WendyJune 27, 2006 at 5:55 pm
We did the same thing. No names were revealed until they were born. With my first pregnancy, I waffled around like you–we haven’t decided, we’ve narrowed it down to two choices and we’ll decide when he’s born, and eventually no we have no idea. With the second one, I just said we’re not sharing. My usual line was “We feel like something about the birth should be a surprise and since everyone already knows the gender we decided it will be his name.” That usually seemed to work. I guess it’s a trade-off. You don’t have to deal with everyone’s opinion about the name you’ve chosen, but you do have to deal with their never-ending curiousity.
whoorlJune 27, 2006 at 5:58 pm
Wendy, Wendy- I like your style. I think I will use your line, if you don’t mind. :)
BeachMamaJune 27, 2006 at 7:05 pm
We did the same as Wendy. We didn’t tell anyone the name we had picked out, and when they asked why not, we just said that it was our only surprise to offer.
I really felt that it was great to keep that a secret. It helped us bond with the baby before he arrived and it was special when we finally introduced him to everyone.
His name is very special both in meaning and how it was given to me in a dream, so it was a doubly special day when he was born.
lissaJune 27, 2006 at 7:54 pm
or you could say it’s none of your business bitch. hmm… this might not work so well with family.
don't call me ma'amJune 27, 2006 at 8:36 pm
Yeah, I’d go with lissa’s idea. Or maybe, “None of your beeswax. Piss off!”
When I was pregnant, I was APPALLED how many people, including total strangers, would come up and touch my prego belly. Hello?!? No touchie! Yikes. People are stupid.
Serenity NowJune 27, 2006 at 8:40 pm
Oh God it’s Jebus isn’t it and that’s why you aren’t sharing the name… oh no… :)
I think I would come up with a great name – Shamacaus or something and then when they ask you can say, “Yup. We like Shamacaus.” and then watch their reaction. Then you have to say, “We think it’s important to keep it real.” And walk away. Have them thinking that you and Dapper D are naming this kid Shamacaus.
(Unless you really ARE naming him Shamacaus in which case that’s GREAT.)
NilaJune 27, 2006 at 7:15 pm
I lied too. I would say we just hadn’t decided. I lied because I didn’t want to know what people thought of the name we had picked, which was Tristan. It wasn’t that popular back then and I didn’t want people’s comments messing it up for us. The name suits him perfectly.
AngellaJune 27, 2006 at 8:36 pm
I had one of those conversations today, with an acquaintance. And then they throw out suggestions, which you HATE, and you have to make up excuses why they’re not a good option. You can’t just say, “That name sucks”, so I tend to say, “Oh, I like that one, but Matthew doesn’t”
Funny how your life becomes public property once you’re preggers. And when it’s your third, you get all sorts of nice comments, like “Oh, I’d NEVER have 3” from complete strangers.
Seriously. That happened again today. And then I feel like I have to DEFEND myself. At least we get a sweet baby for all of the grief :)
JessieJune 28, 2006 at 5:41 am
My mom did it slightly differently with me – she didn’t know my sex before I was born, but my name was going to be Jessie whether I was a boy or a girl. This also drove people nuts, especially my grandmother who thought that Jessie wasn’t a proper name for a girl, it ought to be Jessica instead. Well, it isn’t, and I guess no matter what happens people won’t be happy with anything less than full disclosure and it’s totally not about making other people happy. They’ll deal, I’m sure.
Bethany CoffeyJune 28, 2006 at 6:19 am
Dude, how DARE you keep a smidgen of privacy. We are the internet and we need information dammit. You owe us!!!
Does it go something like that? I think that you have every right to do the unvieling exactly how you wish. This is your wonderful expierience an nobody elses!!!
kimmerJune 28, 2006 at 6:59 am
Totally unacceptable for people to behave the way they do. My employees are driving me insane trying to guess my baby’s name, and most of their guesses just make me want to vomit. I can’t believe you are almost a month out.
EmilyJune 28, 2006 at 7:32 am
Same deal here. Dave and I are actually having a difficult time with the name thing, and people can’t stand it. At work, I get hounded. At home, I get hounded. My mom went so far as to buy us that 10,000 baby names book and she went even farther to go through it and pick out the names she liked. Needless to say, not one of them was our style. AT. ALL. Dave almost threw up when he read them.
So whatever we decide, it will also be a secret. Everyone has an opinion, but its harder to express a negative opinion of a name when the baby is right there in front of you all sweet and adorable and smelling good. Don’t you think?
Amanda FranksJune 28, 2006 at 7:56 am
I lurk here from another blog, and I just have to say I love your candid look at the real side of pregnancy. Being preggo for the second time it’s odd how some things never change! I think it’s fabulous you’re able to keep the name a secret, so many people end up spilling and wish they hadn’t. I hope you can find the strength to keep lying for a few more weeks!
SaraJune 28, 2006 at 8:25 am
If there’s a next time, I think we’ll keep the name to ourselves. We didn’t know the gender, and people (especially family) complained about our boy names. Everyone has an opinion and it would be nice not to have people making faces at our choices. And what is is with the belly touching? Even with my very best friend, I didn’t assume I could just fondle her.
rachelJune 28, 2006 at 9:16 am
Just about all the pregnant women I know don’t reveal the baby’s name until he/she is born, even if they DO know the gender. It seems to be a pretty normal thing these days. Wonder why all those people are so shocked? Weirdos.