Search Results for: easy does it



hair thursday makeover 4

Sorry for the delay. My laptop experienced a massive stroke this morning and is in the ICU for the next couple of days, which leaves me with my husband’s laptop for a very few hours in the evening.

Never fear! Whoorl is INVESTED in Hair Thursdays. This morning, when I unsuccessfully attempted to turn on my computer and the realization hit me that OH MY GOD, I could possibly lose everything on my hard drive (because YES, I am the asshole who doesn’t back up her computer), do you know what the very first thought that ran through my mind was? That I just lost every photo of my beautiful son from day one to the present?

No.

That all of my precious videos were gone forever?

Um, no.

My very first thought I had was, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY, if I just lost my fuckity fucking Excel spreadsheet of my YEAR’S WORTH of Hair Thursday participants, I will kill someone.

Seriously. That was my first thought. Okay, maybe not a year’s worth, but Hair Thursdays are officially booked through March 2008. Hell yes.

(Also, if anyone cares, I successfully started up my computer in safe mode and backed up my hard drive. Even if my sweet little PowerBook doesn’t make it through, I’ll have my goddamn Excel spreadsheet.)

Enough talk! Let’s get moving!

Say hello to Annie.

annie_front.jpg

annie_back.jpg

Annie’s Hair:

Brown with natural auburn highlights
Starting to go gray at “an alarming rate”, will need color
Thick and straight, but a little wavy at the hairline
Wanting to upgrade her hair products
Wants a dramatic change (8-12 inches off)
10-20 minutes styling time
Uses blow dryer and curling iron

Let me preface this with a statement. I feel rather strongly about a color for Annie. In fact, there will be no voting today for the color. WHOORL HAS SPOKEN.

annie_color.jpg

Annie NEEDS to be a redhead. End of story.

Look at her skin tone! Her eyes! The natural red highlights! I’m telling you, the above colors would look perfect on her. Screw the whoorl democracy – I am a DICTATOR and if you disagree with my color choice, I will ban you (or your IP address) from the site FOREVAH. Don’t try me, people.

Moving along! Hippity hoppity!

According to Annie, she would like to do something “dramatic” with the length. She mentioned 8-12 inches, which means roughly around her jawline. To appease Annie, I will include an option with a shorter cut, but I think a shoulder-skimming style would best suit her face shape. (Am I leading today or what? GAH.) Let’s take a look at the options.

annie_final1.jpg

If Annie wants to go short, I like the bob in option #1. It’s not as texturized as some of the bobs we’ve seen in recent weeks, giving it a fuller look instead of lying flat against the face, which would be very complimentary to Annie’s face shape. I also really like the fringed bangs. Annie wouldn’t need to use much product, maybe just a smoothing serum while blowdrying.

Option #2 is a little more versatile. I like the short, jagged layers throughout- once again, giving it a fullness which would complement Annie’s face structure. It would be very easy to style – a round brush and blow dryer would do the trick. Plus, it would look great on a REDHEAD.

Have I made myself clear?

Which style do you prefer for Annie the REDHEAD?

Next up: Anne.

anne_front.jpg

anne_back.jpg

Anne’s Hair:

Fine and extremely straight
Natural color
Healthy
Lies very flat, very fine and no volume – layers tend to disappear
Needs bangs, her hair grows forward. Very hard to pull back
Wants wash and go
Willing to spend more on the right product
Wants to know about a good hairspray

Okay, let me get this straight. (Get it? STRAIGHT! Bwahahaaa, I crack myself up.) Anne needs bangs, she has very straight hair and it lies relatively flat. I’m thinking a Page Boy bob is the way to go for a shorter hairstyle.

anne_final1.jpg

Option #1 could be an ideal cut for Anne. Not many hair types can pull this look off. The hair must be straight, lie flat and be accepting of bangs, which fits Anne to a tee. Anne also mentioned she has a large head, and this cut (the bangs, especially) will complement a longer face.

However, this style is one of the hardest to cut. You need a stylist who does precision work. With layers, you always have a little wiggle room, but a bob like this takes time. If you look at the back of Anne’s hair, you can see how the ends look a little choppy and uneven (from an unsuccessful run-in with an inexperienced stylist). With a precise cut, the ends will mesh together. (What I’m trying to say here is please don’t attempt this cut at the local strip mall chain for $20.)

Option #2 would be a nice longer style for Anne. The hair length is approximately shoulder level with lots of feathering layers added from the cheek bone down. I do think this particular photo shows the hair straightened to the extreme – I don’t think Anne would be forced to use the flat iron since her hair is already so straight naturally. Maybe some touch-ups here and there. Also, I think this color would warm up Anne’s complexion. Add the fringed bangs and the golden highlights and voila, a beautiful style.

Tell Anne which option you prefer.

Alright, party’s over. I’ve got to figure out how to access all of my email accounts without my lovely Entourage application. Peace out.

hair thursday makeover 3

Polls are back up. If you didn’t get a chance to vote, please scroll down and add your vote in the boxes. (Like hell if I’m going to sort through your comments.)

I have a feeling y’all might know today’s participants. Let’s just call this one Attack of the Pretty Brunettes.

First off, we have the lovely Emily of Not That You Asked fame. (Now in TWO FLAVORS!)

emily.jpg

Emily’s hair:

Natural color
Healthy – no split ends or damage
Thick
Curly
Uses a ceramic flat iron every day
Wants to go shorter

Emily and I have been email pals for quite some time, and recently had the chance to touch each other’s luscious locks in person at Blogher. (And maybe consume lots of sangria, wine, beer, cape cods, and martinis.) What I’m trying to say is, I CAN’T SCREW THIS ONE UP.

Emily had a general idea of her new cut – short, choppy bob with long sideswept bangs and a color change, and I agree wholeheartedly. (Except for the color change…it’s so warm and perfect for her skin tone! Like hot chocolate!) One of the best cuts for a heart-shaped face like Emily’s is a chin-length bob. For instance, Katie Holmes’ new bob, which is razored and choppy and super fun. However, since Emily is already proficient in using a flat iron every day (would you ever have guessed that? It’s so shiny and NON-damaged!), she could also pull off a chin-length, one-length bob. Let’s take a look.

emily_new.jpg

First off, I have to apologize. I try my hardest to find hairstyles of the same color to help visualize the cut, but Jenny McCarthy’s bob was exactly what I was looking for in a one-length bob. So, just imagine it’s brunette.

(Oh, that reminds me. I really appreciate your tips regarding those online “hairstylers”, where you can try styles on your own photo, but I always find the final look in those programs to be unnatural and well, a tad hokey. I think I will stick with this for the time being, but thank you all the same!)

I equally love these two styles for Emily, and in essence, they are very similar. The only main difference is that Option #1 has the long sideswept bangs and some razored layers throughout. Here’s another photo showing her layers more clearly. This option could be great for Emily because she could use the flat iron, but also let a little of her curl come through on other days. And this look is definitely “choppier” than Option #2.

Option #2 is probably less versatile than Option #1 due to the same length all around, but this would look gorgeous on Emily. You have to rock some seriously shiny hair to pull this off. Think about it, if there are no layers to allow more of a messy look, you really have keep it straight and healthy. Obviously, Emily has the perfect hair for this and since she already uses the flat iron regularly, it wouldn’t be difficult for her to style. However, I would definitely recommend a thermal protectant before drying!

What do you all think?

The next participant is the lovely Miguelina (of the blog formerly known as Diary of a Reluctant Housewife).

miguelina.jpg

Miguelina’s Hair:

Natural color
Straight and fine
Thick
Wants to keep it long (for ponytails)
Doesn’t do more than brush it twice a day (Uses a Mason Pearson! YAY!)
Loves products, but most make her hair feel heavy

Miguelina, just pipe down and brush your gorgeous hair. Sheesh.

Okay, okay. I know where you’re coming from. Although your hair is gorgeous (and your baby!), it does lack a “style”. Well, that’s easy to remedy! Feast your eyes on this!

mig_options.jpg

Long layers! Long bangs! Big round brushes! CERAMIC CURLING IRONS!

Both of these options exhibit a similar style – Option #1 is just longer than Option #2. So, the question is should Miguelina add long layers only or should she add long layers and cut off 3 inches? Once she has the layers, she can blow-dry with a big round brush for Option #2’s look or use a certain person’s curling iron technique to duplicate Option #1.

(By the way, Miguelina confesses to being lazy in the hair department. I totally understand, but if you want a style, you need to STYLE it! See Hair Rule #2.)

As for the long face-framing layers, I would suggest blow-drying the top front section of the hair downwards into the face. That way, it will sweep downwards and to the side, instead of up and over, like it wants to do naturally. Just doing that will change the overall look dramatically. I think it could be exactly what Miguelina’s looking for in a style. Also, look into purchasing a light mousse for a little lift. Several hair brands have recently introduced new, lightweight mousses for natural-looking volume. They ain’t your momma’s old mousse, that’s for sure.

What do you all think?

mig.jpg

Voting is closed.

hair thursday makeover 2

What? It’s Thursday again?!

The next two participants couldn’t come at a better time, as they will help me illustrate a few Hair Thursday rules.

1. I will not suggest a dramatically different cut and style in an attempt to spice things up. Nothing bothers me more than watching hair stylists on certain makeover-type shows lop off and mutilate perfectly lovely hair. If you have lovely hair, I’m not going to tell you to hack it off and color it purple. Sometimes, my advice might seem boring or extremely subtle, but sometimes your hair IS JUST THAT GREAT ON ITS OWN. FIND A WAY TO DEAL WITH THIS FACT.

2. I can’t help you find a new style, if you’re not willing to STYLE it. Hair Thursday is not a magic wand – if you want happy hair, you are going to need to put forth a little effort. (And by effort, I mean 10 minutes+.)

Wow, I’m crabby! My son currently has six (YES! SIX!) teeth coming in simultaneously. Excuse me while I chug this wine over here.

Ah, better.

Today’s first parrtithipant is Ellie.

ellie.jpg

Ellie’s hair:

Natural medium brown color
Thick
Wavy
Prefers shoulder-length or longer
Does not use styling tools
Spends 3-5 minutes styling her hair

Ellie, Ellie, Ellie. (I really like saying your name, Ellie.) (Ellie.) Ellie has lovely hair. It’s thick, shiny, and has great wave and body. I know a lot of people who would kill for their hair to look like this with only 120 seconds of effort. But, c’mon Ellie, can you give me like 10 minutes? 20 tops? For then, you could be the SUPER YOU. Tempting, isn’t it…

Looking though her photos, the major thing that jumped at me was hair color. With her skin tone, she could rock an auburn-brown or a deeper golden chestnut. Nothing too dramatic, though. In fact, a semi-permanent rinse would be perfect – low maintenance, washes out, etc. (Email me – we’ll find the perfect shade.) That and some long layers framing the face and VOILA! Perfection!

Both of these photos exhibit a similar hairstyle, but I like the subtle differences in the color.

ellie_hair1.jpg

Styling-wise, grab a round brush and blow dryer to achieve the look in the first photo. (Oh, and of course, my FAVE, Frederic Fekkai Glossing Cream, but only a teensy bit!) As for the second photo, bust out your ceramic curling iron and get ready for the SUPER YOU. What do you all think of the options?

ellie_final1.jpg

Voting is closed.

Gretchen! Coooome on down!

gretchen.jpg

Gretchen’s Hair:

Naturally dark brown, but dyes it a touch darker
Very thick
Natural wave, but not enough to wear wavy
Doesn’t want short hair
Uses a blow dryer and round brush
Open to products, but not sure which ones to use
Is “tempted by long, swoopy bangs”

Gretchen’s hair length is in that in-between stage. You know the one, when it naturally flips out from brushing against your shoulders all day? My advice is to take it up a couple of inches or let it grow- and since SOMEONE does not like shorter hair *cough cough MR. GRETCHEN cough cough*, maybe you only have one available option.

Looking at Gretchen’s beautiful and fair complexion, I do think the current hair color is a little dark. Maybe she could take it one shade lighter? I think a chocolate brown would be just lovely. As for the swoopy bangs, it looks like she has a cowlick that is in line with her part, so she could definitely pull it off.

gretchen_hair.jpg

These options would be very easy to achieve. The cut would sit just past the shoulders, with some layers to achieve a textured finish while still adding movement to the style. The long bangs falling to the side would help to conceal her high hairline. Wash and dry, a quick once-over with a ceramic flat iron and FF glossing cream. Gretchen, do you feel the need to wash your hair every morning while showering? If not, this haircut would be great because you could wear it for two days, thus cutting down on the styling tools. Regardless, you don’t NEED to use to flat iron every day. I’m all for keeping the flat iron in the bathroom drawer when possible.

Both colors are pretty- I love Option #2 for the upcoming fall season. Gretchen did mention previously coloring her hair a reddish-brown before moving very dark. What do you think? Let Gretchen know!

gretch-final.jpg

Voting is closed.

Quick blowdrying tip – To reduce blowdrying in half and protect from the heat, use Paul Mitchell Super Skinny Serum. I wrote about it here.

Enough About Me, What About YOUR Hair?

I must admit, I had a lot of fun creating the last post. I don’t know what is- maybe I was a barber in my former life, but I love everything about hair. You should have seen me watching the first season of Shear Genius, pausing the damn DVR every 3 seconds, studying certain techniques, checking out colors, etc. LAME-O!

I fully enjoy good hair days. And it doesn’t have to be in the traditional sense, either. Just a day where you feel great about yourself, and it puts an extra spring in your step. Don’t you? Well, I was thinking, I bet I have some damn fine readers and I would love to see photos of you.

Here’s what I’m thinking – next to my FAQ tab, I’m going to add a new tab (see! up there!) where I can create a one big mosaic of chicas at their best (dudes, too!). What say you? Let’s get this going! Here’s what I need you to do:

1. Send a photo of your sassy self to hair@whoorl.com.

2. Include your first name and your website’s URL (not mandatory – only if you want people to check out your website).

3. I’ll do the rest!

See, easy peasy. Check out the Flickr set. I can’t wait to see!

No Clamp Curling Iron Technique

Who’s ready to witness a chick in her robe sans makeup dealing with hair appliances in her bathroom at 7 a.m.? Let’s get going!

h1.jpg
The cast of characters: A Mason Pearson brush and a good ceramic curling iron. Ladies (and gents?), there is nothing more important than a good brush. I just recently bought a new one, but the previous Mason Pearson I owned (and STILL used) was given to me when I was 8 years old. Forgive my math, but I do believe it lasted 24 years. They are worth the cashola, is all I’m sayin’. As for the curling iron, I have a Hot Tools Tourmaline Ceramic 1-inch iron. Ceramic is super important for the shine and who the hell knows what the use of tourmaline is supposed to accomplish. (Un)Fortunately, I mentally wandered off to my happy place (the one where you float on chile con queso clouds) while the ULTA sales associate was explaining it to me.

h2.jpg
Frederic Fekkai Glossing Cream and Sheer Shine Mist. I love these products, and they last forever. In fact, I just buy the travel sizes. I don’t think I could ever get through the regular ones. Plus, you can pack them in your carry-on. Am I always thinking or WHAT?

h3.jpg
Now, stop right there. Any person who, up to this point, has been thinking, “Gee, that Whoorl is quite the narcissist”, needs to take a gander at this mug shot. Will you take a look at this sorry soul? This is the face of someone who has already showered at 6:30am because their toddler decided to wake up at 5:15am READY! FOR! THE! DAY! But look at me, diggin’ in and doing it for the team. Holla!

Oh yeah, so step one. Take a shower. Towel-dry hair.

h4.jpg
Put a pea-sized drop of the glossing cream in the palm of your hand. Yes, that’s right- I don’t have man hands. The size of a pea, not a dime, a nickel or a quarter. That cream can get a leeettle on the greasy side. Rub it your palms until it warms and then work it through from the middle to the ends. While working it, look in the mirror, purr and say, “I’m worth it.”

Now, here’s a little fork in the road for everyone. I don’t blow-dry my hair unless forced. However, I know lots of you actually have to BE somewhere looking all hot and sassy in a certain amount of time. So, by all means, please blow-dry your hair at this point. You don’t need to dry it stick straight- just blow-dry while brushing to close the cuticle. (That’s right, I just sassooned you with a little hair terminology). After drying, don’t worry if your hair looks frizzy/lame/heinous/stringy. The curling iron will take care of you.

h5.jpg
Here I am about an hour later, after I completed my morning routine of:

1. Feeding toddler.
2. Cleaning up after toddler.
3. Dressing toddler.
4. Wiping toddler’s bum.
5. Contacting local black market for baby-selling opportunities.
6. Unloading dishwasher.
7. Belittling my husband.
8. Husband belittling me.
9. Drinking 1/2 cup of coffee. (With REAL caffeine! I’m crazy!)
10. Checking Google Reader, Twitter, Flickr and email.
11. Applying a little undereye concealer, mascara and blush.
12. Looking at wavy hair in mirror.

And there you go! Thanks for visiting the Whoorl Hair Photo Essay! See you next time!

Okay, so we’re not done for the purposes of this post, but 85% of the time, this is the end of the road for me. I’m a wash-n-wear kind of gal. Not today, however. Today I’ll be the Super Me. I know what you’re thinking, “What if the super you meets the super her and the super her rejects the super you?” Well, then it’s no problem because it was never you, it was just an act. I live my life like a French movie.

h1.jpg
Bring on the tools!

h6.jpg
Get your sexy brush and work it. Brush with many strokes (so if you have hair like mine, you get the waves to relax a little). Then pin about half of your hair up in a clippy thing.

h7.jpg
At this point, I realize taking photos and using a curling iron at the same time presents a challenge. Enter husband.

“Honey? I know you’re in the middle of drafting, but could I borrow you for a second?”
“Why.”
“I need you to take pictures of me curling my hair.”
“Why.”
“Because I’m doing this photo essay for Whoorl about my hair…you know, how I do it.”
“Why.”
“Because people are always asking about my hair, honey. I thought it would be funny…you know quirky kind of funny…not FUNNY, funny…I don’t think I’m some sort of comedien…comedienne? Comedienne, comedienne…wow, that word sounds kind of funny when you say it repeatedly…comedienne, cah-MEEEE-dienne, cah-meeeee-dieNNE. Heh.”

*silent, judgemental staring*

h8.jpg
Here’s the important part. Up until recently, I wasn’t very familiar with curling irons. I presumed you were supposed to clamp your hair down and then roll upwards like in high school. Stupid, stupid me. Apparently, you don’t use the clampy part at all. (Are you all shaking you heads right now? Like C’MON, everybody knows THAT!)

Basically, hold the iron parallel to your head, and starting a couple of inches from your scalp, wrap a 1-1/2 inch section of hair around the barrel (in the away-from-your-face direction). Continue wrapping up the barrel until you are holding the ends up against the iron and simultaneously trying to keep your fingers from blistering due to the 300 degree heat.

In the above photo, my perfectionist husband is taking his sweet-ass time lining up the shot to his liking, while my defenseless hair cauterizes and falls off.

h9.jpg
“WILL YOU TAKE THE PHOTO ALREADY? IT SMELLS LIKE A DAMN S’MORE IN HERE!”

h10.jpg
*hair breathes a sigh of relief, trembling*

h11.jpg
Repeat. This process shouldn’t take more than 10 minutes. Consider starting a rooster-hair trend. When curling the top layer, use much larger sections of hair to keep from looking too curling-ironish.

Here I am half-way through, thinking the bathroom light makes my skin look peachy-pretty.

h12.jpg
ACK! Natural light! Close the window shade already!

See how curling larger sections on top gives it a less perfectionist look? Because, you know, that’s me, Miss Carefree.

h13.jpg
Spray one spritz of the mist on each side of hair. Let it cool completely.

Look at clock and realize you have 20 minutes until your appointment with you-know-who. Freak out because you’re not dressed and your child is sitting in the living room naked, feasting on an electrical cord.

Yell, “SHIT!” (Just to watch your husband shudder. He does it every single time.)

h14.jpg
Dress yourself, dress your baby, shake your head and put on your new sexpot lip gloss. Take picture of final result. Preview photo, see nothing but blurry. Yell, “SHIT!” again. Take another photo.

h15.jpg
Look at photo. OCD kicks in. Hair is not looking optimal. No time to worry about it. Rush out the door and into the crazy world, spreading the hair joy. Much like a prophet.

Hair Apparent

Y’all know I’ve been working on the FAQ section lately, right? Can you guess the most popular comment/question? Go ahead, guess. Oh stop, I know what you’re thinking…my expansive knowledge of list-making, my razor-sharp wit, my brilliant commentary on environmental policies….

No?

Really? Not any of those things, huh…

Okay FINE, it’s my hair. My shallow (yet SHINY!) hair. And as much as I would like to be recognized for qualities that are admirable in the eyes of others, such is not my calling. My calling is to share the hair wealth. So, I started thinking about putting together a little hair photo essay, very smitten-esque, except instead of gazing at colorful and mouth-watering recipe preparation, you would witness a chick in her robe sans makeup dealing with hair appliances in her bathroom at 7am. Tell me, who doesn’t want to see THAT? It’s genius!

Then the doubt set in, my friends. I’ve been a little on the self-loathing track as of late. Plus, this whole “blogging is lame and narcissistic” movement that I’ve read just about EVERYWHERE. I wavered back and forth between “it would be funny and helpful” and “this might be crossing the blogging self-involvement line”.

And then I realized I don’t give a shit. The End. Let’s get on with the show!

h1.jpg
The cast of characters: A Mason Pearson brush and a good ceramic curling iron. Ladies (and gents?), there is nothing more important than a good brush. I just recently bought a new one, but the previous Mason Pearson I owned (and STILL used) was given to me when I was 8 years old. Forgive my math, but I do believe it lasted 24 years. They are worth the cashola, is all I’m sayin’. As for the curling iron, I have a Hot Tools Tourmaline Ceramic 1-inch iron. Ceramic is super important for the shine, and who the hell knows what the use of tourmaline is supposed to accomplish. (Un)Fortunately, I mentally wandered off to my happy place (the one where you float on chile con queso clouds) while the ULTA sales associate was explaining it to me.

h2.jpg
Frederic Fekkai Glossing Cream and Sheer Shine Mist. These are the only two products I use with the curling iron, and they last forever. In fact, I just buy the travel sizes. I don’t think I could ever get through the regular ones. Plus, you can pack them in your carry-on. Am I always thinking or WHAT?

h3.jpg
Now, stop right there. Any person who, up to this point, has been thinking, “Gee, that Whoorl is quite the narcissist”, needs to take a gander at this mug shot. And then blow me gently. Will you take a look at this sorry soul? This is the face of someone who has already showered at 6:30am because their internet-mascot-of-a-son decided to wake up at 5:15am READY! FOR! THE! DAY! But look at me, diggin’ in and doing it for the team. Holla!

Oh yeah, so step one. Take a shower. Towel-dry hair.

h4.jpg
Put a pea-sized drop of the glossing cream in the palm of your hand. Yes, that’s right- I don’t have man hands. The size of a pea, not a dime, a nickel or a quarter. That cream can get a leeettle on the greasy side. Rub it your palms until it warms and then work it through from the middle to the ends. While working it, look in the mirror, purr and say, “I’m worth it.”

Now, here’s a little fork in the road for everyone. I don’t blow-dry my hair unless forced. However, I know lots of you actually have to BE somewhere looking all hot and sassy in a certain amount of time. So, by all means, please blow-dry your hair at this point. You don’t need to dry it stick straight- just blow-dry while brushing to close the cuticle. (That’s right, I just sassooned you with a little hair terminology). After drying, don’t worry if your hair looks frizzy/lame/heinous/stringy. The curling iron will take care of you.

h5.jpg
Here I am about an hour later, after I completed my morning routine of:

1. Feeding Wito.
2. Cleaning up after Wito.
3. Dressing Wito.
4. Wiping Wito’s bum.
5. Contacting local black market for baby-selling opportunities.
6. Unloading dishwasher.
7. Belittling my husband.
8. Husband belittling me.
9. Drinking 1/2 cup of coffee. (With REAL caffeine! I’m crazy!)
10. Checking Google Reader, Twitter, Flickr and email.
11. Applying a little undereye concealer, mascara and blush.
12. Looking at wavy hair in mirror.

And there you go! Thanks for visiting the Whoorl Hair Photo Essay! See you next time!

Okay, so we’re not done for the purposes of this post, but 85% of the time, this is the end of the road for me. I’m a wash-n-wear kind of gal. Not today, however. Today I’ll be the Super Me. I know what you’re thinking, “What if the super you meets the super her and the super her rejects the super you?” Well, then it’s no problem because it was never you, it was just an act. I live my life like a French movie.

h1.jpg
Bring on the tools!

h6.jpg
Get your sexy brush and work it. Brush with many strokes (so if you have hair like mine, you get the waves to relax a little). Then pin about half of your hair up in a clippy thing.

h7.jpg
At this point, I realize taking photos and using a curling iron at the same time presents a challenge. Enter husband.

“Honey? I know you’re in the middle of drafting, but could I borrow you for a second?”
“Why.”
“I need you to take pictures of me curling my hair.”
“Why.”
“Because I’m doing this photo essay for Whoorl about my hair…you know, how I do it.”
“Why.”
“Because people are always asking about my hair, honey. I thought it would be funny…you know quirky kind of funny…not FUNNY, funny…I don’t think I’m some sort of comedien…comedienne? Comedienne, comedienne…wow, that word sounds kind of funny when you say it repeatedly…comedienne, cah-MEEEE-dienne, cah-meeeee-dieNNE. Heh.”

*silent, judgemental staring*

h8.jpg
Here’s the important part. Up until recently, I wasn’t very familiar with curling irons. I presumed you were supposed to clamp your hair down and then roll upwards like in high school. Stupid, stupid me. Apparently, you don’t use the clampy part at all. (Are you all shaking you heads right now? Like C’MON, everybody knows THAT!)

Basically, hold the iron parallel to your head, and starting a couple of inches from your scalp, wrap a 1-1/2 inch section of hair around the barrel (in the away-from-your-face direction). Continue wrapping up the barrel until you are holding the ends up against the iron and simultaneously trying to keep your fingers from blistering due to the 300 degree heat.

In the above photo, my perfectionist husband is taking his sweet-ass time lining up the shot to his liking, while my defenseless hair cauterizes and falls off.

h9.jpg
“WILL YOU TAKE THE PHOTO ALREADY? IT SMELLS LIKE A DAMN S’MORE IN HERE!”

h10.jpg
*hair breathes a sigh of relief, trembling*

h11.jpg
Repeat. This process shouldn’t take more than 10 minutes. Consider starting a rooster-hair trend. When curling the top layer, use much larger sections of hair to keep from looking too curling-ironish.

Here I am half-way through, thinking the bathroom light makes my skin look peachy-pretty.

h12.jpg
ACK! Natural light! Close the window shade already!

See how curling larger sections on top gives it a less perfectionist look? Because, you know, that’s me, Miss Carefree.

h13.jpg
Spray one spritz of the mist on each side of hair. Let it cool completely.

Look at clock and realize you have 20 minutes until your appointment with you-know-who. Freak out because you’re not dressed and your child is sitting in the living room naked, feasting on an electrical cord.

Yell, “FUCK!” (Just to watch your husband shudder. He does it every single time.)

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Dress yourself, dress your baby, shake your head and put on your new sexpot lip gloss. Take picture of final result. Preview photo, see nothing but blurry. Yell, “FUCK!” again. Take another photo.

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Look at photo. OCD kicks in. Hair is not looking optimal. No time to worry about it. Rush out the door and into the crazy world, spreading the hair joy. Much like a prophet.