My mother and I took Wito on a couple of errands this morning. First up, Target, which launched my first completely insignificant tirade of the day. What is the point of having shopping cart return corrals (“corrals” doesn’t seem right, but very Oklahoman, yes?) if there aren’t any carts left outside in the corrals for people? As a mother of a squirmy toddler, I appreciate parking close to a cart station so I can plop him into the cart immediately, opposed to dragging his uncooperative ass from the parking lot into the store.
Sure, I understand that larger stores might occasionally employ a Type-A Do-Gooder that is ALL ABOUT perfecting his Shopping Cart Retrieval practices, but COME ON. However, as I was going on and on about my First World Problem of the Day, a live cow flew past my face at about 35 miles per hour. Moral of the story – Oklahoma is not only hot, but windier than a Derecho for at least 290 days out of the year. Targets of Oklahoma, I apologize. I understand why you don’t leave carts outside. Because they could violently impale innocent bystanders while rocketing through the parking lot.
After checking all of our errands off the list, we made a quick visit to my father’s company. I don’t usually make a point to stop by his office, and now the reason is abundantly clear.
OH MY GOD. Did any of you have the distinct pleasure of giving these photo cutout stands to a loved one in the late eighties? Oooh! Three dimensional! Like, all Back to the Future and stuff! Apparently, this was a Christmas gift to my father (hint: MY RED AND GREEN CHRISTMAS SOCKS) and hoo boy, what a gift from the heart. Where do I even begin? Look at me.
1. The bangs. I adore my make-the-top-layer-sideswept-while-the-bottom-layer-curls-perfectly-under bangs. Kind of like a rogue wave crashing into a family of small squid.
2. The sweater. Obviously a man’s XXL – cheesy mock turtleneck and huge, slouchy front pocket included. Good day, sir! I might be going through puberty, but you will never know!
3. The pants. Holy shit, THE PANTS. The pleats. The pinch-rolled bottoms. MY EYES, MY EYES!
4. However, good thing I pinch-rolled my pants so everyone could enjoy my holiday-themed socks. Feliz Navidad.
5. Top-Siders, dude. Nothing more needs to be said about that.
6. The casual lean on my sister. Hey sis! You can lean on me. You know, WHEN YOU’RE NOT STROOOONG, I’LL BE YOUR FRIEND, I’LL HELP YOU CARRY ON.
Speaking of my sister, Lala experienced a bit of a hellaciously awkward phase growing up. Of course, I can say this due to the fact that she is now BLINDINGLY GORGEOUS, but really. What exactly is going on with that ensemble? Does her striped sweatshirt depict the four seasons? Are her pants actually tucked INTO those pink graffiti high tops? And what about that stance? People, only a stance like that could imply, “Bitches, my sassy glasses devour my face and I LIKE IT.”
Oh! But it gets so much better!
Hi! I’m going to high school in the fall, but think it’s important to be photographed with my precious white teddy. I love my teddy. Here, watch me squeeze my teddy! Um, do my bangs look okay?
Hahaha! Look at me! I’m doing a handstand! But my hair stays intact! HOW DO I DO IT? Photo Cutout Stands are MAGICAL. It’s like I’m living in 2009 or something!
Ahhh, good times. I think I need a cocktail.
angie
June 18, 2009 at 3:39 amHilarious!!!!! You may have made my day.
Kelley
June 18, 2009 at 5:11 amI heart the pink high tops. I had a pair, too. So Punky Brewster. Love it.
Kelley’s last blog post..Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go RIGHT NOW
Heather B.
June 18, 2009 at 5:35 amSo where do you keep your teddy bear now?
I’m going to have to make fun of you for this for a very, very long time.
Heather B.’s last blog post..Pride
a madhouse wife
June 18, 2009 at 5:45 amWhat you call the pinch roll, we in Kansas called the tight roll and I worked the tight roll in sixth grade but good. My students always laugh so hard on 80s day when I ask why no one tight rolled their pants. They don’t know what that means and then I show them (on flared-bottom jeans) and they think it’s the funniest thing ever. Hard to explain that in the 80s, the jeans were tapered ankle.
jcristg
June 18, 2009 at 6:33 amAbsolutely phenomenal.
jcristg’s last blog post..it might be a crazy life, but it’s our life
lisa
June 18, 2009 at 7:04 amnever encountered the “cut outs” i find it cute that your gramps still has them up in his office:) thanks for the good giggle…I was an ODD mix of YOU and YOUR sister:)
Kristabella
June 18, 2009 at 7:24 amThis is phenomenal! I wore something similar to you many a time in my childhood. And I had your sister’s glasses, only in BLUE. And I wore them with my MC Hammer pants.
Kristabella’s last blog post..CAT!
katharine
June 18, 2009 at 7:26 amHahahah Carter and I have some sweet cutouts at my parents house. Maybe we got a family special or something? Our cutouts are fortunately stored deep in a closet somewhere. I might just have to get them out and bring them to your parents house so you can see. They are AMAZING!
Rebecca (Bearca)
June 18, 2009 at 8:32 amSpeechless. In a good way. You (and Lala) are good sports! Hahaaaaaa!
Rebecca (Bearca)’s last blog post..
little miss mel
June 18, 2009 at 8:48 amah hahahaha. Dude. those cutouts are AWESOME.
The outfits and the hair look way too familiar. Pegged pants, bangs and all. Not sure about the socks, though. :)
little miss mel’s last blog post..bye bye ba ba
Estelle
June 18, 2009 at 9:20 amLove the cutouts. But I really love that your dad kept these for so long. That is the best.
holly
June 18, 2009 at 10:27 am“Bitches, my sassy glasses devour my face and I LIKE IT”
PAHAHAHAHA
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kat
June 18, 2009 at 10:27 amLOVE it. omg. topsiders!!
kat’s last blog post..oh hey internet.
Amy
June 18, 2009 at 11:36 amoh dear god…laughter. those outfits…wowsers. i had the same big huge red glasses as laura. my favorite is those pants you are wearing.
my sisters and i most definitely have a photo cut out with my dad and he still has it displayed in his home. pretty sure i was sporting the red glasses too.
in this case, i blame parental shopping guidance. how could they allow this type of attire?
Crisanne
June 18, 2009 at 12:40 pmMy sister had one of those cutouts and I was always so jealous. I do believe I may have tried a do-it-yourself version…
As for the attire, those look much more like tassled Cole Haan’s to me than topsiders. Perhaps because I spent many a night babysitting to earn enough money for my own pair.
Crisanne’s last blog post..On the mend