My mother and I took Wito on a couple of errands this morning. First up, Target, which launched my first completely insignificant tirade of the day. What is the point of having shopping cart return corrals (“corrals” doesn’t seem right, but very Oklahoman, yes?) if there aren’t any carts left outside in the corrals for people? As a mother of a squirmy toddler, I appreciate parking close to a cart station so I can plop him into the cart immediately, opposed to dragging his uncooperative ass from the parking lot into the store.
Sure, I understand that larger stores might occasionally employ a Type-A Do-Gooder that is ALL ABOUT perfecting his Shopping Cart Retrieval practices, but COME ON. However, as I was going on and on about my First World Problem of the Day, a live cow flew past my face at about 35 miles per hour. Moral of the story – Oklahoma is not only hot, but windier than a Derecho for at least 290 days out of the year. Targets of Oklahoma, I apologize. I understand why you don’t leave carts outside. Because they could violently impale innocent bystanders while rocketing through the parking lot.
After checking all of our errands off the list, we made a quick visit to my father’s company. I don’t usually make a point to stop by his office, and now the reason is abundantly clear.
OH MY GOD. Did any of you have the distinct pleasure of giving these photo cutout stands to a loved one in the late eighties? Oooh! Three dimensional! Like, all Back to the Future and stuff! Apparently, this was a Christmas gift to my father (hint: MY RED AND GREEN CHRISTMAS SOCKS) and hoo boy, what a gift from the heart. Where do I even begin? Look at me.
1. The bangs. I adore my make-the-top-layer-sideswept-while-the-bottom-layer-curls-perfectly-under bangs. Kind of like a rogue wave crashing into a family of small squid.
2. The sweater. Obviously a man’s XXL – cheesy mock turtleneck and huge, slouchy front pocket included. Good day, sir! I might be going through puberty, but you will never know!
3. The pants. Holy shit, THE PANTS. The pleats. The pinch-rolled bottoms. MY EYES, MY EYES!
4. However, good thing I pinch-rolled my pants so everyone could enjoy my holiday-themed socks. Feliz Navidad.
5. Top-Siders, dude. Nothing more needs to be said about that.
6. The casual lean on my sister. Hey sis! You can lean on me. You know, WHEN YOU’RE NOT STROOOONG, I’LL BE YOUR FRIEND, I’LL HELP YOU CARRY ON.
Speaking of my sister, Lala experienced a bit of a hellaciously awkward phase growing up. Of course, I can say this due to the fact that she is now BLINDINGLY GORGEOUS, but really. What exactly is going on with that ensemble? Does her striped sweatshirt depict the four seasons? Are her pants actually tucked INTO those pink graffiti high tops? And what about that stance? People, only a stance like that could imply, “Bitches, my sassy glasses devour my face and I LIKE IT.”
Oh! But it gets so much better!
Hi! I’m going to high school in the fall, but think it’s important to be photographed with my precious white teddy. I love my teddy. Here, watch me squeeze my teddy! Um, do my bangs look okay?
Hahaha! Look at me! I’m doing a handstand! But my hair stays intact! HOW DO I DO IT? Photo Cutout Stands are MAGICAL. It’s like I’m living in 2009 or something!
Ahhh, good times. I think I need a cocktail.
KaleighaJune 17, 2009 at 4:59 pm
Hahahaha. Oh dear, oh dear.
Karen MEGJune 17, 2009 at 5:01 pm
i think I have that bear, and I wore your sister’s glasses … as an adult.
So, it CAN get worse!
(you two are seriously cute, and CUTOUTS? That’s too much ;))
Amanda of Shamelessly SassyJune 17, 2009 at 5:01 pm
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metaliaJune 17, 2009 at 5:03 pm
I’m WEEPING from laughter. WEEPING. I…don’t know where to start. Your pegged jeans? Your casual embrace of the teddy bear? YOUR SISTER’S SALLY JESSY RAPHAEL GLASSES WHICH ARE CLEARLY VISIBLE FROM SPACE? Hahaaaaaaa.
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AmyJune 17, 2009 at 5:06 pm
These are amazing.
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RhiJune 17, 2009 at 5:09 pm
I had the exact glasses as your sister only mine were MAUVE. Mauve. What in the hell?
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Kerri AnneJune 17, 2009 at 5:10 pm
Hi, those pictures (in cut-out stands!) are AWESOME.
I’m not going to lie; I’m a bit sad I never gave my parents a cut-out stand of myself in one of my token bodysuits.
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sizzleJune 17, 2009 at 6:06 pm
I so want to make cut outs of myself RIGHT NOW at the ripe age of 36. But who would I give them to? Those are wicked awesome but not as cool as your outfit.
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KateJune 17, 2009 at 6:36 pm
Oh, the hilarity!
slynnroJune 17, 2009 at 6:55 pm
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sparklytosingleJune 17, 2009 at 7:13 pm
HAHA. I laughed so hard I snorted, perhaps more than once. I think we have Father’s Day gifts all sorted out now.
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AndreaJune 17, 2009 at 8:31 pm
How big are these cutouts? I love that your Dad still has them hanging about his office.
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CrystalJune 17, 2009 at 8:32 pm
hahaha! I’m laughing mostly because I can relate. Except I don’t have a cut-out of myself to commemorate the catastrophe.
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carolineJune 17, 2009 at 10:01 pm
It sentences like “Kind of like a rogue wave crashing into a family of small squid” that remind me of why we’re friends.
Even better than your gifting this to your dad? That he still has them proudly displayed. And this is why adore your father.
Hugs to the fam! xoxo
RoseJune 17, 2009 at 11:19 pm
pahahaha i just peed my pants at those descriptions… i think i had that same outfit your sister was wearing! oh the shame :(
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