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Can You Have it All?

in Life

This week has been rough. I’m feeling a little overextended. A little out of it. A little homesick. A little lost. Definitely not on top of things like my usual self. (Sorry I didn’t realize you had a school schedule change today, Wito! I swear I wrote it down somewhere….)

This always happens when I return home from Oklahoma. In Oklahoma, family takes precedence. Grandparents, parents, sisters, brothers, cousins…time with them is paramount. Swimming, barbecues, sitting around and actually TALKING to one another. I’m pretty good at putting everything else on hold because it’s my family. Family is the trump card.

The minute I step off the plane in California, things change. We have our little family, but not much of an extended one. Careers take precedence. We want to buy our dream house someday. We need to do more, more, more. Work, work, work. Save, save, save. I have so much shit on my plate that even the most mundane requests from my children make me feel like I might explode. I’m lucky, though. We have a nanny that helps three days a week. My kids call me her name, though. It stings.

Our little family takes the hit, it seems.

We don’t have that family anchor to pull us back down and say, “Hey. What matters most?” Basically, to keep us from a complete tailspin. I always joke with D that “I’m an island.” Don’t need anyone! Perfectly fine being the world’s greatest taskmaster! Who needs family and friends around? Pshaw.

It’s just hard, you know?

I want my family to be a constant presence in our life.

But I want to live in California.

I want my kids to feel like I’m there for them every minute of the day.

But I want to work.

I want to be able to put my blog/online endeavors on the back burner once in awhile.

But I want the opportunities and new experiences that this blog is giving to me.

I want to never complain about my life. To be completely cognizant of how lucky/blessed/whatever you call it I am.

But from the looks of this post, I can’t.

I want it all. Can you have it all?

Thanks for visiting Complaints City! We’ll return to posts about lip gloss and accessories very soon. And I promise not to have a nervous breakdown.

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68 comments

  1. yours truly, melissa

    June 17, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    Like you I’m from Oklahoma and I actually lived in California for three years – just south of you in the San Diego area. And I loved, loved, LOVED California. Still do. What’s not to love? It’s a beautiful state, the ocean, the weather, the lifestyle, the mentality. It’s a fantastic place. But I completely understand the homesick part…I missed my family. I missed my lifelong friends and I never really knew if I’d move back to Oklahoma. I always thought it’d be absolutely perfect if I could transport my nearest and dearest back to California and we’d all live happily ever after.

    Well after a turn of events I found myself back home in Oklahoma. And it is really, really great to be back home near those I love the most. I miss California too. I miss living near a BIG city and all the culture and amenities that only big cites can offer. So I don’t know if you can have it all! But for now there’s always comfort in knowing that my next adventure (or for you, a trip to see your family) is a plane ride away. Sure it’s not the most affordable or weeknight accessible, but it’s there and that’s comforting.

  2. Nor Cal Girl

    June 17, 2012 at 7:02 pm

    Unfortunately, you can’t have it all and do it all well. That is where the problem lies. At the end of the day you need to decide what is really important. Is blogging about hair, lip gloss and accessories more important than your family? You can’t get back the time you don’t spend with your children. They don’t really care that you are working hard to buy a house. They just know that mom is not present, either emotionally or physically. Living in Orange County can be so fake. Many people there have their priorities confused with what is really important. They want “things” and “more things”. Things don’t make us happy. I know this may sound awful but maybe if your work time was actually spent on something more meaningful you might feel better about it. The best gift you will ever receive is when your grown children send you a letter telling you how important it was that you were always there for them. It is not easy being a women. Your generation has been told that you can have it all – work and family – unfortunately, there just aren’t that many hours in a day to do them both well. I choose to live in a place that is not as expensive so that I have the freedom to make choices that are right for me and my family not driven by financial concerns. Hopefully, you will be able to sort out what is really important to you and your family and make it happen. Let’s just hope you don’t waste the precious time you have with your small children. They will grow up in a blink of an eye. Again, just remember you can’t get that time back no matter how hard you try. Good Luck!

  3. Kelli Oliver George

    June 18, 2012 at 5:30 am

    I long determined that I could not have it all.

    But it doesn’t mean that I do not want it.

  4. Stephanie Precourt

    June 18, 2012 at 7:28 am

    I hear you loud and clear, mostly because you are speaking my language. Also, hoping this is not insane but I absolutely dreamed about you last night, I have no idea why, you had a very nice house in my dream, and seemed quite together. If that is some sort of sign I am supposed to send to you!

    Steph

  5. sizzle

    June 18, 2012 at 7:39 am

    I don’t know if we can have it all. I’ve tried and as a Type A person everyone thinks I’ve got it together and then I crack into a blubbering mess under the weight of it all. I’m not a mom yet but I imagine that’s the hardest part to balance.

    Sometimes I have to say no to things so that I can say yes to myself, my sanity, and what really matters (the people I love). You’re not alone in this!

  6. Sarah

    June 18, 2012 at 7:53 am

    I live a very slow life in Kentucky and co-blog with a dear friend who lives in California. I recently visited her and totally connected with your piece. Everything just seemed to require so much more effort but… at the same time there is so much more access. Tough one.

  7. Janssen

    June 18, 2012 at 11:17 am

    We have the same struggle – we live far away from our families, but feel the opportunities are better here. Such a difficult question.

  8. Lisa

    June 18, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    Just chiming in to say, I know how you feel. We actually left California to move closer to family for these very reasons and I have to say…I *really* miss California (no, like, REALLY miss it!), but it’s invaluable (to us)for our kids to have extended family in their daily/weekly lives and I figure, they are so small now (3 and 5) and this time is so fleeting that we had to make that choice right now.
    Just hang in there. xoxo

  9. Emily @ Peck Life

    June 18, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    I feel your pain sister….I wish I had good advice but there are many many days where I just want to move to the middle of nowhere (Oklahoma does sound nice) and be free with no busy/bills/house/mortgage/commuting and city life to stress me out. And I only have one kid so far….sigh…..

  10. Katie J.

    June 18, 2012 at 5:09 pm

    Hugs to you. Makes total sense. Love your honesty.

  11. BeautyFrosting

    June 18, 2012 at 7:27 pm

    Oh, sug, I hear you, I hear you, I hear you!!! I am on the same page – only minus the husband and kiddos but want those someday too – as embarrassing as that is to admit out loud. Love California. But miss my family in Texas. Love opportunities from blogging and entertainment industry. But wish it could be simpler. Want to have it all. But doubt it everyday. All I’m saying (er, venting) is that I completely relate!! And if you ever need a fellow sympathetic soul, LA is not too far! Hope this week is much better for all of us! xoxo, BF

  12. Christina O

    June 19, 2012 at 7:34 am

    I totally feel you on this one. Being pulled in so many directions. I have two kids, we work full time, and I would LOVE to work more on my freelance/creative side but am struggling to find the time. I’m greatful and happy but still craving more – so this post hits close to home. Thanks for the honesty. This post makes me love you/your blog even more.

  13. Jill Browning

    June 20, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    Word!!!!!
    Ditto!!!!
    Amen!!!!

    (but our kids are only little once…)

  14. Sarah

    June 26, 2012 at 12:56 am

    I am so so so late to this post because I have so much much much to do for work work work but Giiiiiirrrrrllll, I hear you!

    I feel the same way about all that you wrote. It’s insane. And fully awesome all at the same time. Since well, you are normal, I am normal and well, our feelings of wanting it all are normal. Yay us!

    My parents are coming to visit net week and I’m taking the week off work and will be in full-time mommy/family zone. Woo! So excited!

  15. Heather

    July 2, 2012 at 11:49 am

    OK, so I am totally late to the party here, but I wanted to chime in because this is totally normal. Thanks for the honesty in this post. It makes me feel like I am not alone. Moms are busier than ever before. For me, I just have different aspirations than my own mom. She made being a SAHM look like a piece of cake – but then again she didn’t have the same goals and desires that I do. Basically it is self inflicted. but I rather enjoy the busy-ness of it all. (totally made that word up).