This week has been rough. I’m feeling a little overextended. A little out of it. A little homesick. A little lost. Definitely not on top of things like my usual self. (Sorry I didn’t realize you had a school schedule change today, Wito! I swear I wrote it down somewhere….)
This always happens when I return home from Oklahoma. In Oklahoma, family takes precedence. Grandparents, parents, sisters, brothers, cousins…time with them is paramount. Swimming, barbecues, sitting around and actually TALKING to one another. I’m pretty good at putting everything else on hold because it’s my family. Family is the trump card.
The minute I step off the plane in California, things change. We have our little family, but not much of an extended one. Careers take precedence. We want to buy our dream house someday. We need to do more, more, more. Work, work, work. Save, save, save. I have so much shit on my plate that even the most mundane requests from my children make me feel like I might explode. I’m lucky, though. We have a nanny that helps three days a week. My kids call me her name, though. It stings.
Our little family takes the hit, it seems.
We don’t have that family anchor to pull us back down and say, “Hey. What matters most?” Basically, to keep us from a complete tailspin. I always joke with D that “I’m an island.” Don’t need anyone! Perfectly fine being the world’s greatest taskmaster! Who needs family and friends around? Pshaw.
It’s just hard, you know?
I want my family to be a constant presence in our life.
But I want to live in California.
I want my kids to feel like I’m there for them every minute of the day.
But I want to work.
I want to be able to put my blog/online endeavors on the back burner once in awhile.
But I want the opportunities and new experiences that this blog is giving to me.
I want to never complain about my life. To be completely cognizant of how lucky/blessed/whatever you call it I am.
But from the looks of this post, I can’t.
I want it all. Can you have it all?
Thanks for visiting Complaints City! We’ll return to posts about lip gloss and accessories very soon. And I promise not to have a nervous breakdown.
MollyJune 15, 2012 at 10:03 am
Wow…what a beautiful, poignant post….and man, do I feel you.
Helen JaneJune 15, 2012 at 10:08 am
(These could be my words.)
I hear you. It takes so much WORK to live here.
So much internal focus, so much discipline.
The opportunities are limitless, but the toll it takes can’t be ignored.
Take care of you on reentry, lady.
agirlandaboyJune 15, 2012 at 10:13 am
So much of this is so familiar. I keep hoping there’s a permanent solution out there, but until I find it, I just have to take it day by day–the work, the family, and the focus on how lucky I am to have what I have, even if I sometimes want to run away from it.
Heather DusekJune 15, 2012 at 10:13 am
I’m confident that your type A/B personality will kick back in soon. Everyone has days like this. You are “Super Sarah”! I’ve actually considered e-mailing you to see how you do it all. I have two kids and work full time and I feel like I fail at doing all that my OCD mind wants. It’s an ongoing struggle but, what I’ve learned is, we do the best we can and that has to be good enough. :)
Hugs from Houston, TX
schmutzieJune 15, 2012 at 10:14 am
I struggle with juggling this fantastic mess of work/home/self, too, and it’s a definite life skill that needs to be learned.
You’ll get there, Sarah, you really will.
And so will I. Right?
justJENNJune 15, 2012 at 10:17 am
Exactly on everything. xo.
AmyJune 15, 2012 at 10:19 am
I don’t have any words of wisdom, other than I get that feeling of being so behind on everything and feeling like you’re going to lose your shit. I hope you’re able to find some time to give yourself a break today. Be nice to yourself.
lisaJune 15, 2012 at 10:20 am
:) Your a trooper! I’m sorry today is a what I call an “off” day. Everyone has them and ya know….manana will be a NEW day and a fresh new start! Sometimes letting yourself feel all of “it” is the best way to go! Thank you for being so open and sharing :) I think your amazing and respect and appreciate your honesty! XXOO
Beth AnneJune 15, 2012 at 10:22 am
I am secretly so happy to see this because you always seem so calm & together!
& that backburner but oh man, the new opportunities? I’m so there.
The kids versus work versus wanting more but wanting to relax & OH DEAR GOD, the mortgage lender is calling again & there’s Donuts for Dad at school & a project due by EOD.
Needless to say, I’m picking up what you’re putting down.
ctmomof3June 15, 2012 at 10:27 am
let me know when you figure out the answers, I’d love to hear. same boat here, 3 kids, working full-time, struggling to stay sane, but immensely thankful for all I have, even tho at times it’s way.too.much.
RebeccaJune 15, 2012 at 10:28 am
No you can’t! For me there is always SOMETHING that is getting neglected, my kids, my house, my husband, my job, or school. I can’t keep up with everything all the time but I can do most things most of the time!
Heather B.June 15, 2012 at 10:40 am
I am right there with you. I’ve been having a reeeeeeeeeeally hard time with balance and wanting to do what makes me happy. I feel like there are things that I want and should do but can’t because of other things and this continues in some vicious cycle until I end up in the fetal position. Doing nothing. It’s hard. I appreciate your candor in talking about trying to do everything and make yourself/your family happy.
MonicaJune 15, 2012 at 10:41 am
Thanks for keeping it real Sarah. We also live in an area without immediate family. It is hard to feel disconnected from your roots. Just love on your babes.
AngellaJune 15, 2012 at 11:03 am
I totally hear you friend. Before I left the firm in May I was about ready to explode from all that I was trying to do.
Hang in there. Love you.
gorillabunsJune 15, 2012 at 11:08 am
dude. living is just hard and painfully stressful. sometimes there are bright spots that occur that make it all worthwhile.