68

Can You Have it All?

in Life

This week has been rough. I’m feeling a little overextended. A little out of it. A little homesick. A little lost. Definitely not on top of things like my usual self. (Sorry I didn’t realize you had a school schedule change today, Wito! I swear I wrote it down somewhere….)

This always happens when I return home from Oklahoma. In Oklahoma, family takes precedence. Grandparents, parents, sisters, brothers, cousins…time with them is paramount. Swimming, barbecues, sitting around and actually TALKING to one another. I’m pretty good at putting everything else on hold because it’s my family. Family is the trump card.

The minute I step off the plane in California, things change. We have our little family, but not much of an extended one. Careers take precedence. We want to buy our dream house someday. We need to do more, more, more. Work, work, work. Save, save, save. I have so much shit on my plate that even the most mundane requests from my children make me feel like I might explode. I’m lucky, though. We have a nanny that helps three days a week. My kids call me her name, though. It stings.

Our little family takes the hit, it seems.

We don’t have that family anchor to pull us back down and say, “Hey. What matters most?” Basically, to keep us from a complete tailspin. I always joke with D that “I’m an island.” Don’t need anyone! Perfectly fine being the world’s greatest taskmaster! Who needs family and friends around? Pshaw.

It’s just hard, you know?

I want my family to be a constant presence in our life.

But I want to live in California.

I want my kids to feel like I’m there for them every minute of the day.

But I want to work.

I want to be able to put my blog/online endeavors on the back burner once in awhile.

But I want the opportunities and new experiences that this blog is giving to me.

I want to never complain about my life. To be completely cognizant of how lucky/blessed/whatever you call it I am.

But from the looks of this post, I can’t.

I want it all. Can you have it all?

Thanks for visiting Complaints City! We’ll return to posts about lip gloss and accessories very soon. And I promise not to have a nervous breakdown.

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68 comments

  1. Amanda

    June 15, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    It must be something about today because I am right there with you. I work from home and care for my son. For too-boring-to-get-into reasons, daycare has been nonexistent lately, and I hit my limit this morning after a client pushed a project back by two months. Took the kid to the mall where a teenager absentmindedly threw something at him, and I went ape. (The teen pretended not to have done it, which only incensed me more). I have been on a constant cycle of work, work, work, no social life, no downtime, no relaxing for too long, and I hit a point today where I realized that Changes Must Be Made. So, I start on that tomorrow. Right now, I’m going to have a beer b/c it’s his naptime and it’s five o’clock somewhere.

  2. Dana

    June 15, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    I am right there with you. The older I get the more I realize how much time I’m missing with my family. It’s a bummer, to put it mildly.

  3. Holly

    June 15, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    My advice, not that you are seeking advice really…don’t worry about the dream house, etc. I live in an 100 yr. old farmhouse. I gave up full-time position to be a foster mom and then found out I was soon to be a bio mom as well. Craziness. But our house building plans? Ehh, backburner is where they will stay. Nope my house, my clothes are far from what I would dream of but somehow my friends and family don’t really seem to care. I keep it clean, I declutter regularly for my peace of mind, and maybe I’ll get to that dream house someday but if not, oh well. Love my part-time job, hate that I have to turn down other opportunities but that is what I have to do right now to accomplish my other life goal of living for others. I doubt I’ll be in the nursing home bragging up that gorgeous stone lodge I lived at…I’ll be telling stories about how the kids drove me crazy and they will be visiting me there. Doubt the house will make it in to see me :)

    • whoorl

      June 15, 2012 at 1:08 pm

      You know, Holly, the minute I wrote that, I realized it didn’t convey exactly what I meant. To us, living in Southern California, our “dream home” basically consists of two things. 1. It has more than one bathroom, and 2. It costs less than a million dollars. Those two things combined are very hard to find around here! ;) We would ultimately just like to own a home in this crazy expensive place one day.

      • Holly

        June 16, 2012 at 8:01 am

        Oh geez, I live a very sheltered life. That’s crazy.

  4. Kate P

    June 15, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for this. I don’t know if you can have it all, but this feeling must be going around because I am so with you. Hang in there!

  5. Sara

    June 15, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    I might be in the minority here, but my answer would be no. You can’t have it all.
    For me that means I had to figure out what was most important to me at this stage of my life and have that. Not just have it, but work really hard and put everything else on hold so that I can say that in this one thing I am as successful as I wanted to be. I, personally, cannot spread myself thin and feel good. I cannot sleep well with so many balls up in the air. I know we only live once, but I want to live fully once, not in bits and pieces. It was a tough decision, but it was the right one for me. Also, I am not motivated by money or career, so it makes that part a little easier!

  6. whoorl

    June 15, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    LONG COMMENT ALERT.

    Wow. First off, thank you so much for your comments. You guys never fail to put things into perspective and make me feel 100% supported. You’ve been there! You’ve really been there! You also never fail to make me think, and for that, you rock the casbah.

    I have lots to say about my struggle with trying to make it all work, especially in regards to this space. It’s been on my mind a lot lately, so I would love to address the comments about how this post is refreshing because I’m “keeping it real” and not all polly polished and perfect, if you don’t mind.

    Trust me, you guys, I get it. I GET IT. I know my blog content has definitely shifted over the past few years, and I definitely struggle with wanting to write more stories like the good ol’ days and finding a balance between the two. It’s something that I think about ALL. THE. TIME. I don’t want this website to seem like “it’s always so perfect,” although I totally understand how all the photos and recent videos make the site seem a bit “glossed over,” if you will. It’s just…complicated, I guess. Years ago, I didn’t have as much on the line, career-wise. (Dude. Does this even make sense?)

    What I’m trying to say is that, in regards to blogging, I’m trying to figure this all out as best as I can. I want to write more about the day-to-day because I love the community it creates around here, but it’s just about finding the time to do it amidst the other projects. (Which I really love too!) Not to mention the best and most important “project” of all, my kids.

    Phew! Just know that I truly value all of your thoughts and opinions, and you all have lifted my chin a little bit higher today. Happy weekend, you smart, smart women.

    • Calee

      June 15, 2012 at 2:24 pm

      I know the feeling and the biggest move was to hire help. The 3x week nanny (who also cleans!) is awesome. I brought in an assistant to handle some of the work related things I can delegate. After reading a FANTASTIC book on “having it all” called 168 Hours (I think Brenda currently has my spare copy– I pass this baby to everyone) I learned to focus on core competencies and either let the others slide or hand them off to someone who can do them better. There will be days that are crazy but when you think about time in weekly units, it seems to be easier to find balance. Take care!

    • Torrie @ a place to share...

      June 16, 2012 at 7:56 am

      xoxo (nuff said :))

  7. Christen

    June 15, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    Honestly, this was really refreshing because it has looked like you seemlessly move from work trip to carpool pick up to family vacation and I’m sitting here going, “Why can’t I find the time to vaccuum my damn bedroom?” It’s not that I delight in someone else’s stress, but it’s just comforting to know that EVERYONE struggles a little now and then.

    And for what it’s worth, I think the fact that you acknowledge all the good adn all you have to be grateful for shows that you haven’t gone crazy or haven’t lost sight of what’s important. You’re just saying that “There’s a lot of good, but right now the not-good is kicking my butt.” That’s not selfish; it’s real.

  8. ashley

    June 15, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    I relate to this so much. I just never can put it into words.

  9. Amanda Brown

    June 15, 2012 at 4:30 pm

    Your dad’s comment made me well up, since I am lucky for the same sort of unfailing love and support from a distance from my parents.

    You are human, you are amazing, you are asking all the right questions.

  10. karin

    June 15, 2012 at 8:24 pm

    Thank you for putting into words my feelings.

  11. Kristen Howerton

    June 15, 2012 at 10:32 pm

    Thia post made me well up a bit (and then your dad went and sealed the deal). I am in the same place, for sure. I am either in work mode or vacation mode. It’s hard to find the everyday in-between and to stop and make time when there are things to do. But there are always “things to do”, right? HARD.

    Anyways, you are not alone. In feeling like this, or in general. And if we need to come over to your pool to be the people who distract you into vacation mode, then, well . . . I guess that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make. ;)

  12. Sarah Berry

    June 16, 2012 at 7:29 am

    I think these low and confusing times in our lives are little signs and reminders to wake us up to what’s not quite working. Obviously no one can really answer the question other than you, but I bet deep down a somewhat-better solution is lurking in you – you just need to unearth it.

    The fact that you got smacked in the face with confusion and sadness was just life telling you to alter you life a little bit. Be sure not to blame yourself for this – just see it as a sign, not a weakness, and tweak a few things.

    I’m just like you in the “I’m an island… I need no help, etc” stuff and I’ve been like that forever. But 3/4 of the way through my last pregnancy (last Dec) I was rushed to the ER and then put on full bed rest (with a toddler at home) for the rest of the pregnancy. In the end I felt like it was life forcing me to learn that it’s ok to start asking for help. I didn’t have another option (other than to ask for help) and I never would have learned the lesson if left to my own devices.

    As for opportunities, I would just say this: Take a step back from the hamster wheel and have faith that even if you pass on one or two opportunities now and then, more will come around the corner. You’re talented and hard working – that will always be rewarded. Also, all of the opportunities will feel better if you know that you were happier along the way.

    Much love.

  13. NayNay

    June 16, 2012 at 11:50 am

    We don’t know what tomorrow brings. This reminder might help anyone who wonders what to do next – where to direct ones efforts and love. What is most important?

  14. Kamron Robert

    June 17, 2012 at 4:26 am

    I think, you’re enjoying. So, i wish your dreams will be implement.

  15. Roxanna

    June 17, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    Oh, Sarah. I completely understand — our families are far away too — and work, and just everything. When you said that “I have so much shit on my plate that even the most mundane requests from my children make me feel like I might explode. I’m lucky, though. We have a nanny that helps three days a week.”

    Well, that’s EXACTLY my life. And that feels so wrong, because why can’t I find the time to play Wii with the kids?

    I don’t have the answers — obviously! — but just know that I understand.