Terrible Twos

Wito’s 2nd birthday party is this Saturday, and I’m knee-deep in preparation. (You know, if “knee-deep” means watching Paula Deen and her sons make a mighty fine Banana Split Cake while filing my nails.)

Oh, and those Terrible Twos? They have officially made their appearance one week early.

Case in point #1:


What do you MEAN the carousel isn’t open yet? MY LIFE IS A HEAPING PILE OF DOG SHIT.

Case in point #2:


I’m not really fond of this drab wall color. Let me spruce it up a bit.

Send help.

  • sizzle

    July 30, 2008 at 3:44 pm

    The drawing! Oh yes. Finn does this too. I have some pen on my couch thanks to the Two’s.

    I hope those crayons are those washable kinds!

  • heels

    July 30, 2008 at 3:48 pm

    Mine didn’t color at MY house. Oh no… he chose to wait until he was at MY MOTHER’S house to color. With a black pen. On their WHITE couch. I think she still loves us, but I can’t be sure.

  • Lady in a Smalltown

    July 30, 2008 at 3:53 pm

    My best friend’s little boy was perfect until the week he turned 2 and then he threw a tantrum every single day!

    He turned 14 today. It is starting again.

  • the ex

    July 30, 2008 at 3:55 pm

    Oh no! Wito!

    He totally looks like he’s faking the crying in the first pic. What a cutie!

  • Kristabella

    July 30, 2008 at 3:59 pm

    My sister drew all over the walls in MY bedroom with red lipstick when she was a kid.

    I’m still kind of mad at her about that.

  • Jennifer

    July 30, 2008 at 3:59 pm

    TWO kills e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e. I have a 2.5 and 1 year old but I swear their 6 year old sister with all those OPINIONS wears me out more.

  • Nothing But Bonfires

    July 30, 2008 at 4:15 pm

    At least he didn’t draw on the walls with….uh, how to put this politely?….the contents of his diaper. My twin brother and sister did this when they were two. They also added some diaper cream into the mix. And because there were TWO of them, it was TWICE the….um…..art project.

  • Kerri Anne

    July 30, 2008 at 4:22 pm

    I’m pretty sure MY LIFE IS A HEAPING PILE OF DOG SHIT is a great tagline for Terrible Twos. It would also look mighty cute on a toddler t-shirt.

  • Rhi

    July 30, 2008 at 4:22 pm

    This is the best birth control ever.

  • Camels & Chocolate

    July 30, 2008 at 4:31 pm

    Oh gosh. I have a much younger sister, and she went through the terrible twos from 2-4! Um, not to discourage you. When we moved into a new house and my parents bought me all white furniture, she painted it all with yellow finger paint and shredded my sheets with scissors! At 19 now, she’s gotten a tad bit better =)

  • slynnro

    July 30, 2008 at 4:32 pm

    Cute kid….

    But more importantly….

    Do you watch Paula’s Party? Don’t you think she is inappropriately sexual with her guests? Especially for a 60 year old married lady?

  • andrea

    July 30, 2008 at 4:40 pm

    Oh wow, I just got distracted by the banana split cake which is good because I suppose I’ll be looking forward to this in 2.5 years!

  • Mom Ink

    July 30, 2008 at 4:41 pm

    If you still have the presence of mind to photograph the terrible 2’s then you really haven’t hit the worst of it yet. Brace yourself…

  • kris

    July 30, 2008 at 4:53 pm

    Ok. I’ll trade you the cats for ONE WEEK. They promise to clean themselves and require only a few feedings. I will take Wito out on the town for ice cream, pandas at the zoo, and silly street people watching. I *promise* he’ll be safe with me.

    Even at the beginning of his terrible twos he’s adorable. And a much better artist than I!

  • Nicole

    July 30, 2008 at 5:01 pm

    I love how you take a pic in the midst of a tantrum. I usually start laughing (out of sight of course) becuase its just really so hilarious. Hang tight…I heard three is the new two. Good Lord.

  • ali

    July 30, 2008 at 5:17 pm

    i see your crayon walls and raise you a sharpie wall. oh yes, isabella took a sharpie to my bedroom wall….2 is fun!

  • gorillabuns

    July 30, 2008 at 5:23 pm

    just keep your nail polish in the top cabinet. i beg of you please! learn from my mistakes.

  • gorillabuns

    July 30, 2008 at 5:23 pm


  • metalia

    July 30, 2008 at 5:38 pm

    Oh my God. EXACTLY. I just spent the better part of an hour trying to remove Chanel eye pencil (not the Almay one. Of course.) that SOMEONE ground into the rug, and have handled three (3) irrational tantrums this afternoon alone, one involving giving him THE WRONG COLOR SPOON. I feel your pain, sister. If you make any “I’m 2! MY LIFE IS A HEAPING PILE POF DOG SHIT!” t-shirts, please send one my way. :)

  • andrea

    July 30, 2008 at 5:45 pm

    I love that we are not the only ones who take the time to record the behavior before stopping it. Today I caught my child eating butter out of the container and let him continue until I could get a picture or two. I am a stellar mom.

  • Spandrel Studios

    July 30, 2008 at 6:04 pm

    Anytime I see a kid throw him or herself to the ground in a public space, all I worry about is the germs. (Sorry.)

    Wito’s even a cutie when he acts like a two-year-old!

  • Abbie

    July 30, 2008 at 6:28 pm

    My birthday is on friday! Wito and I are practically twins! Twenty-one years and one day apart, but whatever.
    Anyway, rumor (i.e., my mom) says that the terrible twos usually start before a child turns two, and end when they’re two-and-a-half. Never having had my own two-year-old, I can’t promise it’s true, but I’ve certainly noticed it to be the case with all the small children I know. So you’ve only got six months left of this!
    Happy birthday to Wito!

  • always home and uncool

    July 30, 2008 at 7:21 pm

    And I thought the first photo caption was gonna to say your child was LYING in a pile of dog stuff. Woulda served him right … but then you’d need to wash the shirt. Eeeew.

  • Brad

    July 30, 2008 at 7:29 pm

    We’re having our daughter’s b-day party this Saturday too. Luckily, they get easier. She’s 5. My 2 1/2 year old will coloring the walls in the next room.

  • Angella

    July 30, 2008 at 7:33 pm

    Emily just drew on our floors with chalk, and she’s three months behind, age-wise.

    If we ever got the two of them together? SHAZAM! We’d be toast.

  • Michelle

    July 30, 2008 at 7:53 pm

    Endust will take the crayons off the wall – for reals, it seriously works! Happy birthday to Wito!!! Is it me or is Pawwwla Deeeen adorable – hunky sons aint so bad either :o) PS – Haven’t done anything with my hair yet from my HT. I did color it, and it turned out good…I PROMISE to send pics with a new style – I know, I know, you check your email every hour on the hour looking for my pictoral update, you know, b/c it’s…Just. That. Important.

    Hang in there with your twosie :o)

  • Jora

    July 30, 2008 at 8:55 pm

    Oh dear. Poor Wito. Poor you! I don’t know if you saw this post of mine, but this is what you (may) have in store: http://domesticreflections.blogspot.com/2008/07/trouble.html.

  • Sleepynita

    July 30, 2008 at 9:29 pm

    Be happy that you have avoided the terrible two’s until now. The Dictator started them at 19 months, all I can do is hope that it means I will be done by 2/5 years old…..

    Now I have heard three is worse then two. Gah! Hold me.

  • Kaili

    July 30, 2008 at 10:06 pm

    Terrible twos look hilarious in pictures. But SO mot fun in real life!
    Aww Paula dean and her sons, so cute! Have you seen the boys’ travel show? It’s good.

  • Assertagirl

    July 30, 2008 at 10:10 pm

    hahaha that first one made me laugh…not the fact there was a tantrum but the caption you wrote. Life’s really tough, sometimes, isn’t it?

  • Camille

    July 30, 2008 at 11:24 pm

    I wish all I had to do to spruce up my drab house was bust out the Crayolas™! That’s way cheaper than all my trips to the Home Depot™.

  • Sheryl

    July 31, 2008 at 5:34 am

    Wito needs a one year blog, and MY LIFE IS A HEAPING PILE OF DOG SHIT needs to be the tag line.

  • Amanda

    July 31, 2008 at 5:49 am

    Oh dude. Can I just say how impressed I am that you stopped to take pictures of the tantrum and the wall coloring as they were happening? Rather than scrambling to contain the chaos? Because you usually don’t come by that kind of composure (well, actually, it’s the “oh fck it, where is my camera?” attitude) until you become a mom of two kiddos. Nice.

    And also? PLEASE PLEAAASE BLOG YOUR BIRTHDAY PREPARATIONS! PUHLEAAASE. Because my dude is turning two NEXT weekend and holy shit…. I got nuthin.

  • Katia / Crazy For Trying

    July 31, 2008 at 6:32 am

    I can only help by saying that the tantrums will end. My daughter started her terrible twos @ 15mo. and that lasted until 1 week before her 3rd birthday, when the tantrums miraculously and practically overnight vanished.
    Now that my 2nd child is past the 1 year mark I’m digging in my heels for round two of the tantrums.

  • Sabrina

    July 31, 2008 at 7:00 am

    You mean it gets worse? Oh god.

  • Laurie

    July 31, 2008 at 7:32 am

    Oh! I’ve been through it once and I am not looking forward to it with child # 2, luckily I have a bit of time left.

    And Hey! I didn’t realize my R and Wito share birthdays. Lucky us! :)

  • LVGurl

    July 31, 2008 at 8:01 am

    TerribleTwos is a big lie. It starts at 18 months, and keeps going until, oh I don’t know… the four-year-old is still a it ;)

  • rebecca

    July 31, 2008 at 8:24 am

    Uh, yeah… two can be a nightmare. However, I’m finding that THREE might be even worse because they are more articulate and no less angry! I get things like “You are such a MEAN MOMMY!” and “Don’t be rude to me!” which then dissolve into a screaming tantrum if I forget to let him turn the water on for his bath. Sheesh.

  • martymankins

    July 31, 2008 at 9:54 am

    Up until my step daughter had a child, it had been years since I had to deal with a 2 yr old. I was 30 with my daughter. Being 42 and dealing with it again was a bit of a challenge.

    It does get better, though.

  • Jennifer

    July 31, 2008 at 10:48 am

    I didn’t read the ALL THESE comments (sorry, hello I have a life, ahem) and I’m sure this was already said, but I keep hearing three is WORSE. I’m not sure if that’s supposed to make you feel better or worse.

    By the way my son is a smidge shy of three and holy terror, Batman!

    Good luck.

  • Allison

    July 31, 2008 at 12:18 pm

    4 Words: Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. Removes EVERYTHING from EVERYWHERE (Including crayon from walls. If I could make out with it, I would.)

  • Mrs. Schmitty

    July 31, 2008 at 12:48 pm

    You gotta buy the kid an aquadoodle. When they start coloring on walls, it’s time they start coloring with water!

  • Bumbling

    July 31, 2008 at 1:38 pm

    Ah welcome, welcome. Step this way….On your right you will see the “Hall of Endless Opposites”: “Noooo Mami – I dont want that” (2 seconds later) “WAHHHHHH I WANT THAT”.
    To your right – “The Art Gallery”- WHO GRAFFITIED ON THE BABY?

    My recommendations:
    1) Lots of wine for you and your husband
    2) Washable crayons/markers and many Aquadoodles.
    3) DON”T BUY PLAYDOH. Just don’t.

  • amy

    July 31, 2008 at 2:31 pm

    looks like you need some of that mr.clean eraser!

    he is too cute though.

  • Amanda Brown

    July 31, 2008 at 2:54 pm

    We are living parallel lives. Really. Avelyn hurls her angry body on the pavement at least three times a day, and she recently took a ballpoint pen to our beige sofa. A raging Picasso in the making.
    It’s so nice to know I’m not alone in these dealings, but seriously, what’s with our kids?! Good thing they’re cute.

  • Sarah

    July 31, 2008 at 5:20 pm

    I’m just saying I was kind of into the cheesy meat thing the Deen boys made before the banana cake…but could Bobby have compared it to “goulash” ONE MORE time or was it just me?
    I know…random…

  • Kristen

    July 31, 2008 at 6:00 pm

    Wait for the threes.

    I mean, I feel ya on the twos. But seriously. Wait for the threes.

  • Lissa

    July 31, 2008 at 7:34 pm

    Vodka is on the way!

  • Kristen

    August 1, 2008 at 5:24 am

    It was way too easy to draw on the paper. In front of him. On his tray. I feel your pain.

  • Csquaredplus3

    August 1, 2008 at 6:33 am

    Just found your site – it’s so well designed! Anxious to learn more about you and your tribe. I have 3 boys – the youngest is 2. Oy vey!

  • Filtering Life

    August 1, 2008 at 11:48 am

    I marvel at your composure to let the drawing continue long enough to get a decent shot. I would have crapped a brick at that point. Although I am impressed that Wito separated his colors on the wall. A little OCD? The tantrum photo…hilarious! Not at the time I am sure, but that photo is awesome. And I agree, my life is a heaping pile of dog shit would be a hilarious t-shirt. Cafe Press????

  • Elisa

    August 1, 2008 at 1:12 pm

    Maybe we should pit him and Stella (my 2-year old) together in a room and see who can make a bigger mess. I bet they’d have fun. In fact, how about using that as a theme for his birthday party? You’ll definitely be knee-deep then ;-)

  • veep veep

    August 3, 2008 at 6:30 pm

    two words. washable crayons.

  • jax

    August 4, 2008 at 2:31 pm

    hate to say it, but his abstract on the wall looks a lot like John Lennon’s self-portrait. Maybe I’m just putting an uber-postiive spin on things! ;)

  • Mariah

    August 6, 2008 at 11:28 am

    I think by far the best part of that post is the fact you took the TIME to take those pictures of his behavior. Classic!

  • fidget

    August 7, 2008 at 8:47 am

    i’m thinking you wont appreciate hearing how 2 is evil and 3 is worse.

  • Jerri Ann

    August 7, 2008 at 4:48 pm

    I don’t mean to be a downer, but the two’s? Nothing compared to the three’s…the three’s have been far worse!

  • Sarah

    August 8, 2008 at 10:16 pm

    I can relate to the pictures with Wito and the crayons. Griffin took triple paste diaper cream (the thickest you can buy) and rubbed it all over our sage colored furniture…….oh and while I took a 30 second break to use the restroom. I thought I could get a break but he proved me wrong once again! That crap is hard to get off…..I’ve tried for weeks nows! Any suggestions?
    Happy Birthday to little Wito!

  • sara brosch

    August 18, 2008 at 1:35 pm

    two hmmmmmmmm where to start my lil tyler is a horrible two year old and with him not yet talking doesnt make thigs any better .just the other day he got black perminet marker on my white sofa