Zeus? Hera? Where’s the God of Teeth when you need him?

Exactly how long does it take for molars to obtain permanent residence in a toddler’s mouth? I mean, REALLY, folks.

I distinctly remember Dr. Hot noticing how swollen Wito’s gums were at his 12-month checkup. And I distinctly remember Dr. Hot remarking about how swollen Wito’s gums were at his 15-month appointment. And I distinctly remember Dr. Hot’s thick, wavy deep brunette hair brushing his cheekbone, but that’s neither here nor there.

Three of Wito’s first-year molars have officially made their appearance, but they are turning my boy into a raging psychopath. Today, he followed my every movement, whimpering and whining and shuffling, and you know what? It was really tugging at the good ol’ heartstrings for awhile- up until the point when I tried to pick him up and he swatted at my face. Okay, more of a flailing-arm-that-happened-to-hit-my-face, but C’MON!

Oh, I’m so sorry, little fella! I thought that you literally stepping on my heels with your hands up in the air (and looking at me with those desperate, red-rimmed I NEED YOU eyes) meant that you actually wanted me TO PICK YOU UP. Obviously, that wasn’t the case, as you made it extremely clear with your well-placed bitch slap.

Dear God of Teeth, give me my baby back.

In other news, he is officially asleep and I am drinking vodka. No tonic, no soda, just vodka. And some ice. And an olive. Am very happy.

  1. Anne

    November 14, 2007 at 7:00 am

    My darling Isabel (15 mo) is going through the same thing.
    1 molar has come through and I can feel the others on their way.
    I bought the teething tablets after your last tooth post. Not sure
    if they have helped or not.
    Motrin, however is our very BEST friend!
    Good luck!
    ps – Go Jayhawks! (I’m from Kansas)

  2. All Adither

    November 14, 2007 at 7:37 am

    They take forever. It sucks. But then you have them and you’re done and it’s better than croup or the flu. Sort of.

  3. She Likes Purple

    November 14, 2007 at 8:51 am

    I’m going to go ahead and drink some on your behalf. You’re welcome.

    (I hope he feels better soon!)

  4. anne

    November 14, 2007 at 9:08 am

    who needs gods when you have vodka flowing like nectar?

  5. Dani

    November 14, 2007 at 9:28 am

    *reads comments in horror*

    My 7 month old is not allowed to get any older. I can’t handle the nightmares you people speak of!

  6. Kristabella

    November 14, 2007 at 10:03 am

    My mom used to put whiskey on our gums.

    Probably explains a lot.

    But she said it worked.

    Do they make a baby Orajel or something?

  7. Lisa

    November 14, 2007 at 12:15 pm

    We are in the same boat here…..My little babe’s teeth take forever to fully cut through the gums. It’s been fun! I HATE giving Tylenol and/or Motrin, but seriously I have to do it. Teething tablets are a placebo here…they do nothing for him!

  8. Heidi

    November 15, 2007 at 7:45 am

    Thanks for reminding me of those days. I remember the bitch slaps very well. Good times!

  9. Kristie

    November 15, 2007 at 10:13 am

    Give him some vodka. I hear it helped with teeth. Ha!

  10. nicole

    November 15, 2007 at 10:43 am

    Little ‘Ny has been trying to cut her second molars for what seems like months now. I have been giving her Hyland’s Teething Tablets and Tylenol at bedtime to ease her pain and let her sleep through the night. I was doing good until last night. She was up at 1:45am wimpering then again at 5:50am wimpering. Poor thing. After the God of Teeth answers your prayer let them know I am still waiting!

  11. BeachMama

    November 18, 2007 at 6:41 pm

    I hope your teething issues have passed, but just in case they haven’t I wanted to share my tip (many others may have already said this but I didn’t go up and read all the comments). I used a homeopathic product called “Camillia” by a company named Boiron (www.boiron.com). We can get it here at the grocery store and some drug stores. It worked for my guy like a charm.

    Otherwise, may it pass son for you :)