23

To Sir With Love.

in Hair

Emily is 32 and lives in Boston with her funny boyfriend. She is a beauty school dropout who cannot stop cutting her own hair. She can be found obsessing about cheese and her cat at Pretty Crabby or talking about products endlessly at Tallulah Blue. She has not seen her real hair color since 1990.

There’s an unspoken problem in the world. I feel this is tied to our shame, or perhaps we don’t want to really LOOK at this issue. Because this issue? It’s scary. It’s ugly. It’s real.

The issue is older (though not always) gentlemen and their HORRIBLE TERRIBLE dye jobs. Have you seen this?

First there was the issue of hair plugs when guys like Ben Affleck and Steve Carrell (whom I love but have you ever watched season 1 of The Office? Say for three hours straight on a Tuesday? And then you watch Season 3 and WOW MICHAEL HAS SO MUCH MORE HAIR!) suddenly showed up with a way stronger hairline. Which…okay. I don’t know what it is like to be a man with thinning hair. So, I give them that. Plug away, dudes!

But the dye. Oh. The hair dye. My mom and I have a favorite example of this. That example is Paul McCartney. I argue that while most English men somehow end up looking like old English ladies (which I heard somewhere and then I saw Elton John who looks markedly like my grandmother these days) but that doesn’t mean you should also attempt to dye your gray hair brown. It doesn’t work.

See?


Rolling Stone.com

Awful! He should just be gray. EMBRACE THE GRAY, Sir Paul! it looks like a sweater sitting on his head.

Or then there is this guy. You may recognize him. Take a deep breath before you look at this photo…

Ready?


Gawker.com

GAH! Al! What have you done?

I mean there are a lot of HANDSOME men who have gone gray and accepted it. Richard Gere springs to mind or Steve Martin, gray since birth! It is like I have said before, it is very hard to cover up gray. Most ladies know this and instead chose to go blond. Guys for some reason, keep trying for that dark brown. Let this be a lesson to those at home. Doesn’t work. Don’t try it.

You’ll thank me later, when you aren’t going to bed alone. In the meantime, please buy a hat and grow that stuff out. Cheers!

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23 comments

  1. briantologist

    February 9, 2009 at 2:58 pm

    OH MY GOD, SERIOUSLY. I am so glad you wrote about this, as it’s been horrifying me for YEARS. It’s so fucking basic: White/gray hair has a *completely different texture* to it than non-gray/white, which makes any man-dye job PAINFULLY OBVIOUS. Fucking go with it, other men. I say this as a man with thin hair on top. It is what happens when we get old, and dyeing doesn’t make a guy look young, it makes him look like a guy who can’t deal with getting older. JAYsus.

    Oh, P.S. — I would like to add the following addendum to this discussion: As absolutely verboten as it should be for an older guy to dye his hair, it is like sixty times as verboten to dye one’s beard. It’s a one-way ticket to looking like the screaming Oxi Clean guy.

  2. MelissaS

    February 9, 2009 at 8:52 pm

    Gray hair is where it’s at. They should sell “Silver Fox” in mascara style tubes so the young fellows can put it on their heads and woo women.

  3. mom

    February 10, 2009 at 8:55 am

    Thank you Emily for this truly awesome post…if only Paul could see it!! His “people” must be able to see and tell him the truth, n’est pas?? And what about the girlfriend?? Not carrying enough weight yet??
    Please Sir Paul act your age, at least where your hair is concerned!
    Who are you doing this for, half your fans are as grey as you should be..
    xx

  4. Amy

    February 10, 2009 at 2:19 pm

    My biology teacher in 9th grade (who also had a hilarious name: Nevin Longenecker) was always grayish by Friday but back to brown on Monday. Never failed!

  5. Amy

    February 10, 2009 at 2:22 pm

    Hey, his pic is on the interwebz! :D
    http://www.nd.edu/~engineer/publications/signatures/2007/changing/index.html

  6. Jamie

    February 10, 2009 at 2:29 pm

    oh man, JOHN SLATTERY. CALL ME. You are the hottest silver fox since Paul Newman.

  7. kate

    February 17, 2009 at 1:03 pm

    Ok, I know I’m late to comment (I’ve been on vaca) but I loved this post! Every time I see a recent photo of Sir Paul I think he looks more like Camilla Parker Bowls than she does.

    As for Al, here’ my theory: I just read in Vanity Fair that he is “5’5” in heels”….I think this hair is his attempt to gain some height. That said, it is absolutely ridiculous. I think he’s going to Phil Spector’s hair stylist.

  8. Stephen Ownby

    September 25, 2009 at 11:53 am

    This is great! I worked with an old guy who for years wore his hair in a pompadore and dyed it reddish brown (like the Fonz). Between hair-cuts his side-burns and the hair on the back of his neck would turn grey and he’d know it was time for a re-do. My hair has been grey since my late twenties and he’d always tell me I should try a little Grecian Formula. No thanks!