Last week, I got some disappointing news. The latest Lyme test results came back showing the worst numbers yet – this after plowing through the past few months on three simultaneous high-powered antibiotics. I can’t even begin to tell you how this news made me feel. Disappointed, angry, fearful, sad, but most of all, hopeless.
I’ve physically felt crummy this entire week. And why shouldn’t I? We’ve talked about this before – the way our thoughts shape our reality…how our fears and anger and resentment can physically make us feel worse. These are the times when we truly must be willing to look at the bigger picture – to realize that God has our back, and our job is to enjoy the moments we have right this very minute. To be willing to see all of the wonderful right in front of our eyes, even during struggle. That is the practice, you guys. To be willing. To accept the gifts and signs that the universe puts in front of us every minute of the day.
Yesterday, I spoke at a luncheon about the business of blogging and speaking your truth. The weekend leading up to it wasn’t super great – like I said, I was tired and defeated and in pain. I woke up yesterday morning and asked myself how I was going to get up in front of a roomful of women with grace and enthusiasm. I was in the midst of a giant pity party in my bed when D walked in with a package. It was in Saturday’s mail, and when I opened it, everything changed in the moment.
It was a necklace custom-made by Melissa de la Fuente that I had ordered a few weeks prior. A gold triangle with three dots representing the intersection of the mind, body, and spirit, and three arrows (representing my husband and kids) pointing upward to remind me to never give up and forge forward with joy, gratitude, and the willingness to see all the good being offered up to me. It couldn’t have arrived at a more perfect time.
I proudly wore the necklace yesterday during my talk, and I’d like to think I did it with the grace and enthusiasm I had hoped to convey to everyone in the room. Although I’m not sure “graceful” would be the adjective used to describe the photo I chose to use during my introduction.
When speaking to a roomful of people, some might introduce themselves with a professional headshot. I, however, chose a selfie from the morning I woke up with bed head reminiscent of the flying nun. I woke up with that hairstyle, people. TALK ABOUT AN AWESOME MIRACLE.
It was a wonderful day spent with old and new friends, and I enjoyed every minute of it. So I ask you – would you be willing to see the good in today and tomorrow and the next? Because it’s right there waiting for you.
Jen
May 5, 2014 at 10:08 pmLove you, love your necklace, loved your talk, love your attitude. You got this. Keep up the good work!
xoxoxoxoxxoxo
Wendy
May 5, 2014 at 10:16 pmIt’s crushing to read your test results weren’t what you hoped for. Stay the course. I’m thinking of you. P.S. reading that you were in such pain last week prior to the GLO event makes my heart hurt. I know you were worried about committing in fear of not feeling well. I’ll tell you, I would have NEVER guessed you didn’t feel well. You were wonderful. Thank you so much for being (A BIG) part of the day.
whoorl
May 27, 2014 at 7:26 pmThank you, Wendy. It was such an honor!
Jenn
May 6, 2014 at 4:12 amHi Sarah,
I’ve been reading your site for years, since your pregnancy with Wito. It’s funny how you can feel a kinship with a person from reading their blog, and it was clear to me from those early days that we were very similar people: Type A, list-making, control-loving good girls.* I just want to say that I am finding this new journey of yours incredibly inspiring. I’m a perfect stranger (and I don’t even have a blog to offer you a reciprocal window into my world!), but I am wishing you light and peace and healing and quiet in your busy mind and the hard-won but so comforting knowledge that everything will really be okay. Keep up your excellent work and thank you for being so brave and honest.
*With really good hair.
-Jenn, 31, across the country, terrible at savasana, great at organizing…everything
JD @ Honest Mom
June 15, 2014 at 4:52 pmHi Sarah,
My blogging friend told me you were dealing with Lyme – I was just diagnosed and have likely had it for a while. I’ve had vision problems, balance issues, headaches/migraines, had nausea, dizziness, memory issues, am ADD-ish, and have total brain fog. As in, I feel a little drunk all the time. I can’t think straight, and I lose words when I’m talking. I forget what I was about to do or say in mid-conversation all the time.
I never had fever, aches, chills. Nothing typical of Lyme. Doctors have thought my brain fog was due to antidepressants, but maybe it’s been Lyme since last summer/fall!
I am on Doxycycline now and just hoping and praying I am better by mid-week. My primary care doctor doesn’t seem to really believe that my atypical symptoms are Lyme, even though the initial blood work confirmed it. She’s still sending me to neurology specialists this week. I’ll have the confirmation blood work tomorrow. Luckily I live in the Boston area and some of the best Lyme docs are here, so I’m hoping to get an appointment.
This is scary stuff, and I’m so sorry you’re dealing with it too. I hope you are feeling better.