I adore Joslyn’s blog. Whether I’m searching for inspiration or adding a few things to my must-have list, I can always count on her impeccable eye and stellar taste. And if THAT wasn’t enough, many of her posts focusing on parenting make me want to yell “ME TOOOOOOO” at the top of my lungs because it seems Joslyn and I are very similar in one regard. We are Type A Mothers.
As Joslyn stated in a recent blog post,
I think a lot about this idea of “mellow parenting“… I believe with ever fiber of my being that creativity flourishes and the magic happens when you let kids be bored, explore, make messes and just sort of ramble about a bit, and yet, at my core, I am a type A mom. Big time. Art projects inevitably begin with a mental assessment of how hard they’ll be to clean up, I still tend to overschedule (despite my continued attempts at laziness) and, more often than not, I’m far more uptight than I’d like to be.
Sigh.
You are preaching to the choir, Joslyn. I’m a tad bit Type A myself (hahaatadbithahaaa), with one of my major triggers being kitchen messes. Let me take you all on a little journey into my mind.
Friday evening, dinner table.
Sarah: Wito, how was preschool today?
Wito: It was fun! We played with dinosaurs and…(Sarah’s brain: OMG OMG IS THAT PASTA SAUCE ALL OVER HIS FINGERTIPS? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO GET THAT MUCH PASTA SAUCE ON THE HANDS WHEN USING AN EATING UTENSIL? HE IS GOING TO WIPE HIS HANDS ALL OVER THE NEW DINING CHAIRS, ISN’T HE? OH, THERE WENT ANOTHER NOODLE ON THE FLOOR. HOW MANY NOODLES ARE DOWN THERE? WHAT DO YOU THINK THE RATIO OF FOOD-IN-MOUTH TO FOOD-ON-FLOOR IS? 1 IN 5? 1 IN 15? WHERE’S HIS NAPKIN? WHY DOESN’T HE USE HIS NAPKIN? USE YOUR GOD DAMN NAPKIN, KID! YOU ARE ALMOST FIVE YEARS OLD!)…and then we read a funny story and then you picked me up!
Sarah: That sounds like fun! Wito, honey, be sure and wipe your hands on your napkin, okay? Also, sit up straight with your knees under the table. That way, you won’t be spilling so much food on the floor. Okay?
Wito: Okay, mommy.
Wita: Ahahaaaaa baaaaaabaaaaaa maaaamaaaa *fistfuls of bite-sized turkey and cheese flying through the air while the rest of her dinner is smashed into her hair*
Sarah’s brain: MELTDOWN CAN’T COMPUTE ;FGBNWRIO;GRW;IOGHWR
End scene.
You guys, why am I so neurotic about this? I mean, REALLY, it’s just food on the floor. They are LITTLE CHILDREN. I know I’m going to sweep the floor regardless if there are 2 Cheerios on it or 49, so what’s the big deal? I just wish I could tone it down a bit, but MAH BRAAAIIIIN.
And then I start to wonder…is Wito not the slightest bit interested in creating art (painting, drawing, etc) because I shrink-wrapped him in trashbags whenever he got within 2 feet of a paintbrush for the first 4 years of his life for fear of the mess he might create?
Hmmm, food for thought.
Joslyn included this passage from an interview with Anna Quindlen on Momfilter:
“I think having bright lines and boundaries really worked for us, that it made our kids strong and secure because they were clear on expectations and responsibilities. But I wish I had been better able to combine that with letting things go a little bit. Nobody really needs a bath every night. Nobody really needs a balanced meal for every meal. I should have let the freak flag fly a bit more. It’s hard to be a Type A mom. I wish I could have been a bit more B plus, for my sake and their own.”
B plus. I think I’m in love with that idea. Most certainly, the LAST thing I want is for my Type A behavior to stifle my children in any way.
So, this is a call to all of my fellow Type A mothers. Join Joslyn and I in aiming to be Type B+ mothers this summer. Are you in?
Look, I’ve already started.
Those Cheerios have been on the floor for 5+ hours. Baby steps.
Feels quite liberating…
(Nope, just feels messy.)
Amti'b
May 31, 2011 at 5:05 pmI can here you saying that to wito.
Sonja von Franck
May 31, 2011 at 7:17 pmThese past two months have made me feel like the coolest Mom! EATING OUTSIDE rocks!! He knocks his drink over, I practically cheer, “IT’S OK!! Not a problem – we’re OUTSIDE!” Her big forkfull takes a nose dive – “Food for the birds!” But today it was 100 degrees. I’m considering bringing the plastic swimming pool and putting their chairs in that…that’s cool right!??! ;-) As for art, I love Color Wonder and stickers.
Jessica
May 31, 2011 at 8:43 pmI really strive to create my daughter’s environment with a sense of structure and security. And while I am an overachiever at my job, I am very type B at home. There are times when I read your blog and I think “I could stand to be more type A”. And I think, “My house would drive whoorl crazy, what with the dogs, and the clutter…” but the truth is my husband and I just are who we are and we want to be good at parenting, but we are always learning what that looks like. As far as you making your kids crazy by telling them to wipe their hands, etc., I just don’t think it’s possible. I think each human being is just born with a temperament, and it is lottery as to how that is determined.
I think no matter what kind of parent you are, Type A or Type B, you can have a better experience by stuffing a sock in your internal critical voice that tells you to clean up or relax, and just be present in the moment with our kids.
Sharon
June 1, 2011 at 5:10 amI hate myself a little bit each time I ask why so much food is falling on the floor. The kids are 9 and 6 and you would think I would have given up on this by now. But jees, how does all of that food get on the floor? Is any of it reaching their stomachs?? Maybe B+ is the right idea.
Therese
June 1, 2011 at 6:09 amOMG, this is me! I love it. Just the other day I sat and thought “how can I chill out more, they are just little (2 and 2 months). Enjoy this time, don’t stress over the the little things, leave the toys in the floor, it’s not a big deal!” I then promptly had to pick all the toys off the floor put them in their correct spots. I’m so going to go for a B+ now. Thanks for sharing!
Jen
June 1, 2011 at 7:35 amThe 2nd child? Has FORCED me to be a B+ Mom, whether I like it or not. (I DON’T.)
The dinner conversation about school made me laugh because OMG YES. I don’t think I’ve ever completely heard her answer. Which is… kind of sad, I guess. heh
jive turkey
June 1, 2011 at 1:22 pmYes. This is me. I want to relax — I NEED to relax — but dammit! I want to be in controooooooool….
Sunshine Burns
June 1, 2011 at 1:51 pmyes to all the B+ jazz!
now tell me where did you get the fabulous green chairs!!!
Jill V. / TerraSavvy
June 4, 2011 at 9:21 amI’m in and just a side note….looking at the pictures of the Cheerios on the floor made my chest tighten up. Oh I have so far to go!
I wrote about Fingerprints a while ago and it pretty much sums up where I am trying to get to also.
A perfect B+
Thanks for making me feel a little less nuts!
x0
Iowamom
June 7, 2011 at 7:00 amAh, we are who we are! I’m a B+ mom and always have been. It’s a great place to live because my house is neat and clean but not perfect. The kids are happy, healthy, and quite creative! However, there’s a storage room in our basement could really use some TLC from a Type A gal! ;)
wannabe1987
June 12, 2011 at 12:15 amI feel that i’ll be this kind of mom…i’m already this kind of sister/babysitter and with the dog…OMG no…don’t sniff that grass we gotta keep walking WALK ON THIS SIDE not that side WHY ARE YOU NOT LISTENING TO THE VOICES IN MY HEAD type deal
what, i’m not crazy, am i?? :S