2T

I’ve wanted to post a video of Wito playing with his very favorite toy, the nasal aspirator. Over the past 9 months, we’ve spent approximately 1.9 million dollars on ball-popping, squeaky-singing, colorful toys and all he cares about is licking and chewing the snot sucker. It’s simultaneously endearing and fully disgusting.

However, I’m holding out for two reasons. First of all, he is not wearing any pants AGAIN in the video and frankly, there have to be some people wondering if I ever dress my child from the waist down. And the answer is, no. Not really. Secondly, the whole aspirator-thingy looks remotely phallic and I can’t bring myself to publish the video knowing there are some sicko turdbags out there that would possibly derive pleasure from watching such a thing. What can I say? I watch Dateline.

Back to the pants situation. I do put pants on my child when we make our public appearances, but the minute we return home, the pants are whisked off in a manner of seconds. Have you seen my child’s thighs? Witnessed his Dunlap’s Disease? The kid needs room to breathe. He is barely 9 months old and wearing clothing made for 2 year olds. It physically hurts me to see his belly exploding over the top of his pants when he’s stuck sitting in the car seat or stroller. My only other option would be to buy pants made for three year olds, but I’m pretty sure that would require hemming. Lots of hemming. See figure one.

However, please direct your attention to Wito: Yoga Master.

Namaste.