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Why, Jell-O Pudding Pops? Why?

As I sat down yesterday afternoon, ready to crank out a post, I made the mistake of finding this piece from yesterday’s New York Times. Bye bye, Monday afternoon. Those comments sucked me in and didn’t let me go until late in the evening – evident from my healthy dinner of smokehouse almonds and a Sierra Nevada Pale Ale.

It’s just that, Oh My God, where did all of my favorites go? Jell-O Pudding Pops – no longer. (What up, Mr. Cosby?!) The original Carnation Instant Breakfast Bars. The Motorola StarTac phone. Those little triangular side-vent windows in cars, allowing the perfect amount of breeze to circulate without messing up the hair! Gone! Like the Wind!

If you take the time to read through the thousands of comments, you’ll notice that the Honda CRX is greatly missed. I had no idea it was such a reliable, yet zippy, little car. I do know my high school Honda Prelude (with the cute flip-up headlights) was one of my favorites. Ahh, the good old days.

However, things took a turn for the worse. My sweet nostalgia turned into festering anger. What do you mean no more Tato Skins?! I LOVED those chips! Taco Bell-flavored Doritos? And Alphabits cereal?! HOW AM I GOING TO TEACH WITO THE ALPHABET?!

*googling Alphabits cereal*

Oh, I see. The commenters must have been mistaken. Feeling better.

Then, I saw another comment that shook me to the very core. Planters Cheez Balls. Oh, that can’t be…could it? No more Planters Cheez Balls?! In the round tin? No other puffed cheese product compares!

*googling Planters Cheez Balls*

It’s true. It’s true. You can’t even find them on eBay. (Not that I tried. Um, or anything.)

OHMYGODICAN’TLIVEWITHOUTTHECHEEZBALLGOODNESSICAN’TBREATHENOREALLYPANICKY PANICKYHELPSOSHELPSOS.

It’s a very sad day in the Whoorl household. Now, if we could have a moment of silence for my beloved Planters Cheez Balls.

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62 comments
  1. BabsieD

    August 7, 2007 at 6:52 am

    Okay, a completely outdated comment, but just in case anyone in a menses-enduced rage googles “I NEED JELLO PUDDING POPS NOWNOWNOW”…

    1.) You can, in fact, freeze Jello pudding to make pudding pops. Whole milk is recommended for true 1980’s Jello pudding pop-caliber flavor.
    2.) If you use ice cube trays they can be somewhat guilt-free pudding pops (unless, for example, you eat four of them in one sitting.).
    3.) If you can’t find popsicle sticks at the grocery store, it is not recommended that you use wooden skewers, as while they are longer and thicker than toothpicks, they are basically little razor-tipped javelins that can make trying to get to your pudding pop a somewhat miserable challenge (though the ensuing booby traps you can keep you from eating four in one sitting, see #2 above).

  2. Jess

    August 9, 2007 at 11:39 am

    I hate the fact that they are no longer making Jello pudding pops or cheez balls. I want some cheez balls. I read that there are no cheetos ones either and I used to like those too. Come to think of it, I was looking for them about a year ago. Dang! As for the Pudding Pops. I found some but they are the shape of a regular popsicle and are not the same taste that I remember. Also, I used to like to scrape off the little ice slivers on the side. I see Roseanne doing this in an episode where they find some old marijuana and is in the bathroom eating the old school looking ones. Man I miss the 80’s.