From the looks of my recent blog posts, I might be going through a little something or other in regards to Wito. I mean, I think I’ve written about him more in the past few weeks than I have in the past few years combined. I’m just so wistful about him growing up, and I feel like the six years he’s been with us have absolutely flown. If the next six fly as fast (and that’s all I hear these days…”next thing you know, he’ll be leaving for college!”), he’ll suddenly be a young man whose interests probably won’t include cuddling with me, holding my hand, or chatting incessantly about whatever his current obsession happens to be. (Two words for you. Lego Ninjago. Those spinner things have got to be the Cabbage Patch Kids of 2012. Nowhere to be found, I say!)
I read this post by Linda shortly after I wrote about my little absent-minded professor, and well, it just about slayed me to bits. “He is everything I rushed him to be.” Heart ripping out again, stomp stomp, you know the drill.
So! Let’s just say I’ve been watching a lot of old Wito videos lately. I found this one, and I can’t remember if I shared it with you, but it was shot the first week Wita was home with us. I look at teeny tiny Wita and marvel at how much she’s grown, but at 2 years old, she’s still a baby to me. Wito, on the other hand, has changed so much in the past two years. The round, fleshy cheeks are gone. The pudgy fingers? Gone. The staccato giggle is still around, but barely.
Last night, he sat next to me in my bed, and I showed him this video. However, I didn’t watch a second of it. Instead, I watched him watching the video. I studied every feature on his face – the light spattering of freckles on his cheeks, the little curve of his nose, the flick of his eyelashes, all in a desperate attempt to brand them into my memory forever. I know good and well that they will vanish too soon.
As the video played, he looked over at me pensively, and I just knew he was going to say something so profound. Something that would validate this moment, something that would bring all of my recent feelings full circle…I could feel it in my heart of hearts.
Instead, he asked me where the cup sitting on my nightstand in the video had gone because if I threw it away, I must not care about him at all. “MOM. That was my favorite cup, and I haven’t seen it in awhile. We got that cup at Disneyland, don’t you remember? You bought that cup for me! [tears are flowing] Are you sure it isn’t in the kitchen? Maybe you should go look in the kitchen. WHY WOULD YOU THROW MY FAVORITE CUP AWAY? I LOVE THAT CUP, MOM! PAUSE THE VIDEO! PAUSE THE VIDEO! I NEED TO SEE THE CUP CLOSE UP! WHY DID YOU GET RID OF IT? WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.”
It’s cool, time. You can keep moving at a steady pace.
(I would also like to direct you to the contents on my nightstand. Glass of water, prenatal vitamins, Purell, nipple cream, iPhone…if that isn’t the bedside table of a newborn’s mama, I don’t know what is.)
JenSeptember 26, 2012 at 12:44 pm
OMG, I almost can’t handle this, Sarah. Rowan will be almost 4.5 years old when his sibling is born in late April, and I’m just SO EXCITED for him to become a BIG brother, more so than having another child, if that makes sense. Has this age separation been good for your family? Does Wito play with Wita? I’m so worried we waited too long, but seeing this makes me think maybe it’s the exact right age separation. I hope so, anyway …
whoorlSeptember 26, 2012 at 2:48 pm
Yes, yes, yes! I could write paragraphs on it, but the 4-year age difference is a beautiful thing. Wito is old enough to have patience with Wita, and there isn’t a competitiveness that you might find with siblings closer in age. They have their own interests, but like to be around each other.
Every night before bed, Wito can’t wait to get his kiss and hug from Wita, and watching that moment every night is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
It’s going to be great, trust me on that one. xoxo
gorillabunsSeptember 26, 2012 at 12:47 pm
Sister, daily I’m so wistful about the girls growing up and how I’m worried I am not capturing and appreciating these moments enough.
BeckySeptember 26, 2012 at 1:04 pm
This is what I love about being a parent: the profound mixed with the totally absurd. For every tear-filled wistful moment, there is a reality-inducing tantrum or epic meltdown. It’s been so fun watching your kids grow through the years (I have a Kindergartner and 3 year-old, so I’m right there in the motherhood trenches with you). :)
tracy shutterbeanSeptember 26, 2012 at 2:03 pm
Sounds like something Cooper would say!!!!
KJSSeptember 26, 2012 at 5:16 pm
I have been feeling this so much, wistful, longing, (for another one maybe, but sometimes for a chance to experience the past again, did I savor the sleepless nights enough?) watching 6 & 8 year olds make transitions and become busy and driving and then (probably stupidly) thinking back and even asking myself wasn’t it more fun 3 years ago…because we had time….but I guess we still do, but our days had more “moments” or so it felt. I guess I just don’t always want to be looking back, and yet I AM! School really makes it hard and yet homeschooling would be hard too.
this idea of always making an impact and molding etc…expectations and comparisons kind of are profoundly disappointing things at times….
chanSeptember 26, 2012 at 8:15 pm
I’m probably just repeating what’s already obvious to you, but I’d bet Wito’s freak out over the cup was his own way of expressing wistfulness about the past and wishing he could go back, too. Sounds pretty profound and full circle to me! You’ve got a special boy there. :)
whoorlSeptember 26, 2012 at 9:02 pm
You know, I never thought of it that way. You make a really good point, Chan. Thank you!
brianneSeptember 27, 2012 at 8:08 am
yes yes yes to it all. and i’m a puddle. (my boys are five and seven and i’ve been feeling that wistfulness lately too.) thanks for sharing that sweet video!
CourtneySeptember 27, 2012 at 12:01 pm
Yeah, but WHERE is the CUP?!
But seriously, I get it. J is three and even now I’m seeing the freckles sprout, and he’s no longer in diapers so his pants fit him like a big kid, and he’s getting long and lean. I know it’s only going to get worse when our baby girl gets here in January and I start comparing them.
brittSeptember 27, 2012 at 12:10 pm
haha!! this totally cracks me up. and the video is too cute. this may sound weird but i have watched it no less than 10 times because i opened it with my 2 year old sitting next to me. now he just keeps calling out “bebe bebe” until i play it again. i guess it’s time for another baby in our house ;)
RhiSeptember 29, 2012 at 9:35 am
Well, if that video is not a case for having two children, I do not know what is.