This Post Has No Direction Whatsoever

A couple of nights ago, I had a dream about Neil from Citizen of the Month. It was relatively benign- we were at some writer’s retreat and he wouldn’t stop talking to Sophia on the phone. I emailed the next morning to tell him, not that this information was earth-shattering or remotely original, but I just thought he should know that he had invaded a random blogger’s psyche.

Yesterday morning, I noticed on his blog that I appeared in his dream. I only had a cameo appearance, apparently brushing my hair. How fitting.

Well, guess who I had a dream about last night? Neilochka. Again! What is going on? This one was much more bizarre- he lived in a house on a clear lake over an early 20th century town. You could look into the water and see all of the old buildings and railroad tracks covered with algae (obviously the underwater station on Lost had some sort of impact).

We then had a daiquiri-drinking contest and Amanda from Kicky Boots won. She kicked some serious ass.

Anyway, tag-team dreaming is happening over here. Not THAT kind of tag-teaming- will you get your mind out of the gutter, please? I wonder if Neil will have a dream about me tonight – surely, there must be a Guinness World Record category for this.

In other news, So You Think You Can Dance is back for the 3rd season, which makes me clasp my hands and squeeeeee with utter delight. Unfortunately, I missed about 30 minutes of last night’s episode when I was accosted by a sugar-coated spider. Huh?

I am planning on making Ree’s Best Chocolate Sheet Cake Ever today, and was measuring the remaining powdered sugar last night to make sure I had enough. As I poured the powdered sugar into the measuring cup, I thought I noticed something black. I shimmied the sugar around, looked into the cup and didn’t see anything. I figured I was crazy or there was a dead flour bug (GROSS) in there, so I practically STUCK my face in measuring cup, shimmied again, and the fastest fucking spider I’ve ever seen scurried up out of the sugar mound and nearly killed me. It was ANGRY! And provoked by my shimmying! Did I mention ANGRY!? Oh, and it was white, given the sugar and everything. I dropped the measuring cup, it scurried behind the stove, and now I have a freaky white spider living in my kitchen.

I hate spiders. Especially the large ones living in my house behind my stove. Anyway, I couldn’t watch the show because I was blindly spraying non-toxic kitchen cleaner behind the stove, hoping the moisture would adhere to the sugar on the perpetrator’s legs, thus rendering it paralyzed.

I’m pretty sure it did not work, given the strange pain in my lower throat I woke up with this morning, obviously from the sugar spider climbing into my mouth while I was sleeping and vengefully biting the inside of my throat. Hence the weird dreams.

Welcome to my brain.

  1. Kelly

    May 25, 2007 at 10:02 am

    Oh Whoorl….I do hope you got to watch the return of “Sex” on YTYCD. He definitely makes your loins burn….and those luscious locks of his and his sweatshirt tucked into his shorts….YUMMMMMMY! I love when they exploit people. He is too ridiculous for words.

  2. Keri

    May 25, 2007 at 10:23 am

    I Love So You Think You Can Dance!

  3. nabbalicious

    May 25, 2007 at 10:24 am

    I wish I had more dreams about other bloggers, but I don’t. Just Darren, but that’s to be expected. He and my friends seem to have a disturbing number of dreams in which I’m doing really shitty things, though, which is why I’m always talking shit about Dream Heather. She’s a total bitch.

    I can handle most spiders, except the kind that look like they’d make a noise if you crushed them. Then it’s time to vaccuum them up with the Dyson.

    And, finally, I had never seen “So You Think You Can Dance,” until last night and wow…”Sex.” OH MY GOD. I’m hooked!

  4. Donovan

    May 25, 2007 at 10:40 am

    Spiders come straight from the bowels of hell and they must all die.

    I’ve “heard” from Vicki that So You Think You Can Dance kicks complete ass, but I wouldn’t know cause I’ve never watched it, every week, seasons 1 & 2, totally addicted.

  5. Neil

    May 25, 2007 at 11:08 am

    Did you notice how they squeezed in “Do You Think You Can Dance?” one day after “American Idol” ended. Coincidence?

    I like that show, too, but for the life of me, I cannot remember one of the winners.

    Can you “free dance?” If so, I’ll try to work it into a dream.

    I’m the Queen of Free Dance. Let me know if a make an appearance.

  6. Amanda

    May 25, 2007 at 11:18 am

    I feel so special to have seeped into your subconscious.

  7. Tricia

    May 25, 2007 at 12:36 pm

    Yay for Lost! Good finale, eh???

    The spider sounds funny; I hope you find it. Check very carefully on your ceiling before you go to sleep, cuz it’s so camouflaged… don’t want it to drop down on you (heh heh)

  8. metalia

    May 25, 2007 at 1:34 pm

    That spider story? Will haunt me endlessly. If only because I just recently got over my lovely experience (which happened well over 5 years ago), wherein I came home from the supermarket and opened my just-purchased box of…Billsbury Cake Mix. I poured it into the bowl, walked away to get the requisite egg n’ cup of oil, when, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that the mix was…moving.


    I think the spider tale has induced a major setback.

    No baked goods for me ever again.

    That is the most disgusting story I’ve ever read! I opened a packet of hot chocolate mix once with the same results. MAGGOTS! It scarred me for life.

  9. little miss mel

    May 25, 2007 at 2:11 pm

    I dreamed about running into Tara and Katherine last night. I think I did all the talking regarding what I had been doing with my life. Oh brother…..

    That must have been such a shock! Spider are freaky, but Metalia’s worm story just made me quite ill.

    Did you get the sheet cake finished? If so, how good was it??

    The cake is absolutely, positively SINFUL. And so easy to make- DO IT!! J will love you even more (RT too – that is, if you can get him off the ceiling).

  10. Shawnee

    May 25, 2007 at 2:38 pm

    Scrubbing Bubbles works the best to kill spiders & virtually all other crunchy-type bugs. It immobilizes them until the chemicals kill them. That way, when someone (someone that should have been available to kill the bug in the first place, otherwise what is the point of being MARRIED?) finally comes home, you know exactly where the bug is so it can be disposed of. If you are very, very brave, you can also use roughly 960 tissues to pick up the whole sodden mess yourself & flush it. It will be necessary to wash your hands for approximately 20 minutes after this maneuver or perhaps even take a shower. Tip: Keep the Scrubbing Bubbles handy in case the aforementioned spider has friends.

    And you think you have issues?

  11. Kim

    May 25, 2007 at 5:21 pm

    Everyone makes fun of me when I freak out over a bug that goes missing instead of being killed. Like it’s going to crawl into bed with you and into your mouth or ears? Uhhhhhh YEAH!!! I am so glad I’m not the only one.

  12. Rachel

    May 26, 2007 at 1:26 pm

    Ew, spiders. I am not a weak girly type, but spiders are the devil’s spawn and they are out to get me. I make Freddie kill them, and when he acts like it’s no big deal and I should get over it, I whimper and whine until he does it. I never whimper!

    I am also apparently never buying cake mix again. But really, why should you when cake from scratch is easy?

  13. Sarah

    May 26, 2007 at 2:44 pm

    So, apparently it’s a blogging dream revolution or something…you and your blog-friends (blends?) are dreaming about each other, but a few of my favorites and me are all dreaming about having babies…

    The sub-conscious world is being invaded by the blogsophere!

  14. gorillabuns

    May 28, 2007 at 8:11 pm

    i just dream of ex-boyfriends and sex.

  15. Sam

    May 30, 2007 at 7:33 am

    Well, call me crazy, but I dreamed about YOU and Wito and Baby Bug – SAJ was nowhere to be seen! (Which makes me sad, now, because I do love her.) Nothing really interesting happened, except that someone would say “where’s the kids” and we’d find them outside playing on the porch. What can I say? Boring, yes, but fun to see you in my dreams!