This Is Going To Be A Problem

Hello! I came this close to flashing my nether regions to my neighbors this morning!

I also went grocery shopping! Without my wallet! This unfortunate fact became crystal clear while standing in the checkout line. Did I mention it was 5pm? Clearly not the best time to interact with the masses while wrangling a toddler, since most early evening grocery shoppers HATE BABIES.

Let’s drink. And eat candy.

I’m forming a bad habit. A habit that involves Haribo Gummi Bears, which frankly, is surprising, given the lack of candy around our house.

You see, D hates candy. He loves chocolate, but the sugary Willy Wonka-type stuff makes him quite surly. In fact, I have a theory that he’s suppressed some horrible, nightmarish memory involving candy from his childhood. I mean, he’s just so WEIRD about it, all up in my face, “Did you BUY those Lemonheads? Huh? How did THAT happen?


During a parental visit several years ago, we happened upon a fantastic candy shop. Of course, MY family (owners of the infamous candy drawer) started salivating like dogs at the thought of salt water taffy, imported black licorice (blech, but my dad loves it) and old school delights. As we sprinted towards the candy baskets, D stood outside the entrance looking like he had just smelled a vicious fart. I asked him what his deal was, and he responded, “I think I’ll just wait out here. I mean, it’s CANDY.” (insert judgemental snobbery)

LIKE ENTERING THE CANDY SHOP WAS SO BENEATH HIM. He stood outside the entire time. (Probably checking out his reflection in the candy shop window.)

Sometimes, I wonder about my mental faculties on the day I accepted his marriage proposal.

However, I must admit, I think he’s on to something. Whenever I eat candy, I always feel like shit afterwards- my stomach cramps, my head aches, etc. So, we just don’t buy it. The end.

Well, as I was perusing the aisles of Target a couple of weeks ago, I notice some Haribo Gummi Bears beckoning me from afar. I figured what the hell, threw them in the cart, and brought those puppies home with me.

Somehow, these Gummi Bears have become candied encouragement while practicing my guitar. (Did I mention I am taking classical guitar lessons? And that it’s killing me slowly? Yet, I CAN’T QUIT YOU, RAMÓN.) Every time I screw up (which is A LOT OF THE TIME), I pop one in my mouth and carry on like a wayward son.

My whole point is this:


My tummy hurts. Send help.

  1. jonniker

    March 5, 2008 at 9:02 pm

    Oh my God, I get GRIPPING stomach cramps every time I eat too much candy like that, and Gummi bears are the worst. The absolute WORST cramp-inducers. But they are so! good!

    I’m D’s exact opposite: I infinitely prefer candy to chocolate, and Adam is the same way. It’s bad.

    Also, um, did you order those online? Because I once ordered Adam approximately fifteen pounds (no seriously) of these gummy raspberry wheels that he adores. Despite daily consumption, they lasted for WEEKS.

  2. whoorl

    March 5, 2008 at 9:11 pm

    Amazon.com baby!

    Do you know why I bought that stash? Because I’m doing that 30-day Amazon Prime free 2-day shipping trial. I, of course, think I’m pulling the wool over Amazon’s eyes by canceling my membership on the 29th day, when really, who has who by the balls here? Would I have EVER bought a case of Gummi Bears otherwise?


  3. bethany actually

    March 5, 2008 at 9:11 pm

    Annalie’s daily vitamins are gummy bears from Trader Joe’s. They have become my daily vitamin, too. Is that pathetic?

  4. Moose

    March 5, 2008 at 9:15 pm

    Glomming onto your first sentence with a vengeance (and ignoring the small detail that “glomming” exists in few, if any, known dictionaries): I once flashed my boss’s husband! Damn them for being early to dinner! Damn me for forgetting to close my bedroom curtains!

    I have since pondered the question, is it more uncomfortable to flash your boss? Or your boss’s husband? I still haven’t reached a satisfactory conclusion.

    (Tummy problems: Hot water. Straight up. A tip, oddly enough, from my boss, who was always there after my 3 pm donut and subsequent belly ache.)

  5. janet

    March 5, 2008 at 9:16 pm

    those are the only gummi bears worth eating. tho I’m not sure about quite that many….

  6. Angella

    March 5, 2008 at 9:25 pm

    Now I want Gummi bears. I ‘m off to see if I can get those in Canada…

  7. little miss mel

    March 5, 2008 at 9:33 pm

    If those were gummy cherries, I would have come running.

    The bears are in 3rd place in my book, after the fabulous cherry, then the strawberry. And ONLY Haribo will do.

  8. slynnro

    March 5, 2008 at 9:54 pm

    Dude. That box represents all of my life’s dreams. In candy form.

  9. erin rae

    March 6, 2008 at 4:32 am

    All I have to say is World Market. Or Cost Plus. Or whatever it is called in your neck of the woods.

    Not only does World Market have most of the different Haribo candies (Fruity Pasta I love you!), but they have 3lb bags of gummy bears.

    I hear you on the stomach ache, but if I can see them, they are getting eaten.

  10. bishop stu tu

    March 6, 2008 at 5:05 am

    whOOrl gOOrl,

    I’m naught sure, butt I think there’s Vitamin C in those little dudes. Soooo…..gOOd and gOOd fer ya.

    Y, must endorse D’s THOUGHTS on chocolate…it’s legal dOpe.

    rock on Ramon’…keep him singing.

    da bishOp

  11. Beth

    March 6, 2008 at 5:18 am

    Oh, and Haribo gummi bears are the BEST.

    I first came to love them when my brother was in high school and taking German. His teacher, Frau Hodson, is to blame for my love of the gummi.

    But not just any gummi. If I’m going to eat a little bear made out of sugar, it has to be a Haribo.

    I never thought about buying them by the case before. Hmm …

  12. MO

    March 6, 2008 at 5:38 am

    Those are the best gummi bears EVER!!! Once a friend gave me a 10 Lb bag for Christmas. Yum!

  13. Maureen

    March 6, 2008 at 6:25 am

    You can buy them in 5-pound bags at Costco. Just sayin’.

    So, you’re saying my guitar skills are THAT BAD? (I’m afraid the majority of them would get stale…it would take me at least a year to get through that monster.)

  14. Natalie 42

    March 6, 2008 at 6:55 am

    Oh I do love me some Haribo Gummi Bears…the white ones are my favorite. But I have to say, my true love is the Jelly Belly. You pick any one of them out of a variety bag and I can tell you what it is. I have a huge jar of them at my home at all times. It’s a sickness.

    Question: was this candy store the fantastic little candy store in Santa Fe? The one that sits slightly off the Square where you walk down the steps to get inside? Oh man, I looooove that place. If it’s not that place you should go. It’s teeny tiny but awesome. I’ve been going there since I was a child. We would take trips to the family ranch in Colorado and always stopped there on the way. If we didn’t, I would throw down the “but I really neeeeeed it! It’s a long driiiiiive” plea.

    Just make sure to also become obsessed with brushing your teeth and you’re good to go.

  15. Sizzle

    March 6, 2008 at 7:06 am

    Oh dear- this sounds like a 12 step program is just around the corner. ;) I like the look of candy but I prefer chocolate. I hate to side with D on this and go against you but, alas, it’s my way. Besides, this only means more for you and THAT is a good thing.