The Ongoing Quest

Thanks to you, I have in my possession many shorts of the running variety. (I’m definitely intrigued by the running skirts, I just feel the need to do a little more research before purchasing.) I ordered all of the shorts online, stemming from my inability to deal with athletic store dressing rooms due to imminent toe fungi lurking in the carpet fibers. We ARE talking about people of the athletic persuasion. (Did I mention I sold Lamisil for several years? I have witnessed some of the funkiest toes in the history of man, trust me. One elderly lady had a toe nail that formed a yellow “ram’s horn”, which curled in a counter-clockwise manner, piercing the skin on the left side of her big toe. I witnessed this directly after a lunch from Panera, and needless to say, it is no longer a dining option.)

Friday night, I conducted a fashion show of sorts for my husband while drinking a lovely 2003 Malbec. Here are my preliminary findings for a couple of favorites. The Adidas Response Short was a great recommendation, although I ordered the wrong size. They were a little too baggy, but the other size should be here today. I really like the length (4 inches) and the leg room. They feel more like soccer shorts than running shorts, which is a good thing.

The shorts I really want to love are the Nike Tempo Track Shorts. Such fun colors- which, duh, is the pinnacle of importance! I wisely ordered two sizes, but had trouble deciding which one technically fit. Now, these shorts don’t mess around. They have a 3-inch inseam, and look like serious bad ass running shorts. D and I decided the smaller size (what the Nike size chart recommended) are most likely the correct fit, but GOOD LORD, they are short. I find myself blushing and tugging at them while alone in my own home. On a positive note, just wearing them around the house should burn extra calories, seeing that sitting and staring at my entire thigh from knee to hip smashed against a chair is NOT an option.

After my 2nd or 3rd glass of wine, we conducted a performance test specifically targeting the “ride-up” issue, which consisted of me trotting barefoot up and down my sidewalk while holding my wine glass. I’m sure the neighbors enjoyed that show. Interestingly enough, the larger sizes definitely rode up my inner thighs, prompting me to wonder if I’ve been wearing the wrong size shorts all along. It’s almost like the extra fabric bubbles up, causing the crappy ride-up.

For the immediate time-being, I think Adidas will be my staple, but the Nike shorts will be my goal. When I’m feeling the burn and wanting to slow down, I’ll just envision myself in my two-tone pink Nikes with smooth and slender thighs hauling ass around town. That should keep me truckin’.