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The Best and Worst Day of My Life

When I stopped working in January, we decided to keep our nanny, Amy, for one half-day a week. Wito loved her, we loved her, and I especially loved the thought of having four hours to myself every Thursday. Pedicures! Shopping! The Beach!

Well, it turns out that Amy Day usually consists of me visiting the Holy Trinity of Motherhood – Target, Costco and the grocery store. Fun. And y’all, I have a confession to make. I hate Target. To me, it’s just an huge room full of crap. I know! How could I think such a thing?! People LOVE Target! The knick knacks! And fake leather stuff! Cheaply-made frames! Cheesy greeting cards! I’m sorry. HATE.

Luckily, I park right next to the door where the toiletries and kitchen supply stuff are located and it’s a race against the clock from start to finish. Lotion, toothpaste, Q-tips, Ziploc bags, Daisy razors, shaving cream. Check, check and check. If there were a Supermarket Sweep – Target Toiletries Edition, I would be world champion.

Costco gives me mild-to-moderate claustrophobia. The crowds, the gigantic carts, 67-pound jars of jelly beans that I want to dive into, etc. Luckily, I only buy Wito’s formula and baby food and I’m gone.

Technically, these errands shouldn’t take too long, but considering we live in a beach community, I am forced to get on the 405 highway (the collective groan from my Southern California readers is deafening), and drive to 2 separate cities to visit these frightening places. It’s like driving to the DMV every Thursday – the journey is usually just as shitty as the destination.

A couple of days ago, I was traveling down a major street relatively close to my home (405 – not involved, yo), when I noticed tons of construction at an upcoming intersection. I craned my neck to get a look while passing by and saw the words COSTCO – NOW OPEN. Could it be?! A Costco within 15 minutes of my home?

I immediately called D, who was attending a swanky lunch with clients in Los Angeles.

“Honey! Guess what! There’s a new COSTCO! So much closer to us! I don’t have to deal with the shitty 405! YAY! YAY! YAY!”

“Wow. Good for you, hon. I’ve gotta go now. With clients, you know.”

“I know. I’m so sorry to bug, it’s just really exciting! Bye!”

Wito and I had an hour to kill, so we maneuvered a U-turn, and made our way back to the new COSTCO, NOW OPEN! And it was a beauty. No people, no lines, the newness of it all. I knew it wouldn’t last, so we took a collective inhale, browsed the 96-packs of granola bars, and enjoyed the leisurely pace.

As we left with our cardboard box of goodies, I noticed another new building in the same lot at the other end of the new construction. I backed up the cart, squinted my eyes and there it was in big red letters. SUPER TARGET. Is this a dream?! A Target! Next to the Costco! With no highways involved?

And guess what. It didn’t end there. A new Whole Foods was on the other side.

The Holy Trinity of Motherhood was complete. And I was Moses.

I called D again.

(breathless from the mental frenzy) “D! D! OH MY GOD! A WHOLE FOODS, TARGET AND COSTCO ALL HERE! I AM COMPLETE! I AM COMPLEEEEEEEEETE!”

(silence)

“HELLO?”

“Um. Are you listening to yourself? What has happened to you, love? ”

“HUH?”

“Let me get this straight. You are about to pass out from sheer elation because you found a new suburban strip mall complete with stores you hate?”

“YES!”

Sweet Jebus, people. I need help.

UPDATE: In my mentally-frenzied state, I made a mistake. It is a new Target, not Super Target. My bad.

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40 Comments
  • Laurel

    June 22, 2007 at 9:45 am

    That is awesome! I too have a strange addiction to Super Target, Costco, and Whole Foods. It is both fortunate and unfortunate that we only have a Super Target in Lafayette. But we are getting a Fresh Market, which I hear is comparable to Whole Foods. I stalk its construction progress every day.

  • amy

    June 22, 2007 at 9:52 am

    i totally agree with your target-get in-get out. although i would love to have time to browse this lovely big box…i can’t stand lines and poorly merchandised crap. funny to hear someone with the same targey feelings. and costco…who in socal has room in their tiny abodes for mass quantities of food? not me.
    and i need to know where this new shopping strip is with whole foods. NEED to know!

  • Karly

    June 22, 2007 at 9:55 am

    Sounds like heaven to me! I would kill for a Target, Costco, or Whole Foods to go up in my town!

  • EmmaNadine

    June 22, 2007 at 9:38 am

    This is classic. While I must admit that I love Target, Costco induces the same claustrophobia in me as it does in you. But I would much rather deal with Costco than Sam’s Club, which is all we have around here.

  • Heath

    June 22, 2007 at 9:42 am

    Isn’t it weird that such a cavernous store makes you feel so closed in? (Costco, I mean.) ESPECIALLY around the damn free samples. I wager it’s worse than the traffic on the 405!

    Congrats on the reduction of your commute. Maybe now you’ll have time for that pedicure…

  • bishOp stu tu

    June 22, 2007 at 9:45 am

    whOOrl gOOrl,

    My Buy For Less store just stocked Paul Newman salad dressings…I pissed my pants…so exciting!

    Since mois has been doing 100% of our grocery shopping for twenty some odd years…I do understand.

    “Honey, you need to stop hunting for oil in the Ordivician and run by the store and snag some strawberries (which I hate..I only like frozen strawberries soaked in sugar water)…bye” (click)

    Underappreciated we are.

    yo dad

    Dad! Let’s stage a coup!

  • cocodrie

    June 22, 2007 at 10:51 am

    Whole Foods is pricey, but the organic beauty products! The natural, herbal remedies! The vitamin section! I go to that section often to marvel and not even buy.

    Costco and their gigantic vats of ketchup scare me. I only have the square footage in my tiny SoCal studio for travel-sized anything.

  • Janssen

    June 22, 2007 at 9:53 am

    I’m so glad to know that I’m not the only person who doesn’t just think Target is a dream come true. It just seems so. . .not awesome to me. Also, expensive for how not awesome it is. Thirty dollars for an ugly, unoriginal frame? If it’s going to be cheaply made and cheap looking, I want it to be CHEAP!

    Janssen! Thank you!

  • rebecca

    June 22, 2007 at 9:57 am

    What? Where is this new Holy Trinity of retail located? I must know…

    Irvine, mama!

  • Heather B.

    June 22, 2007 at 10:13 am

    Yeah, I would have had the same reaction. Or possibly wouldn’t have been able to call anyone at all, because I would have died at that point.

  • RA

    June 22, 2007 at 10:18 am

    Every time I see a complex go up in the 10-15-minute range of our house, I think, “Could it be a Target this time?” So far, disappointment reigneth.

  • Beth

    June 22, 2007 at 10:31 am

    Yup, I’m a Target-for-basic-crap kind of gal. Though I have bought a couple simple ceramic soap dispensers there of late, for $1.58 each, which, incredibly, is the everyday price.

    After seeing the movie about how evil Wal-Mart is, I convinced my parents to drop their Sam’s Club membership and switch to Costco. As did my brother and his family. No more support for the Evil Empire.

    As for Whole Foods, I wrote to corporate recently to lobby for a store in my area. It’s more than a little insane that I want to make it easy to spend $5.99 on a pound of grapes. But WF carries Karite-Lips lip balm, the best lip balm in the history of lip balm!

    Intrigued by the lip balm…surprise, surprise.

  • sizzle

    June 22, 2007 at 10:42 am

    what HAS happened to you!? ;)

    costco hurts my head.

  • Paisley

    June 22, 2007 at 11:13 am

    I’m just jealous that your Costco sells baby food and not just formula.

    :)

    Well, the new one doesn’t sell the baby food. *sniff, sniff* BUT, I figure I only have a month or two left before bye-bye to baby food.

  • Jen

    June 22, 2007 at 11:13 am

    haha, a mother’s paradise! Although I cannot relate to you, as I live in a small town with every store within a 5 minute drive, I am happy about your new close non-405 strip mall – horay!

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