Welcome to the inaugural ceremony of the soon-to-be-coveted Whoorlie awards. You all look absolutely ravishing. Please take your seats.
Over the past several years, we’ve seen a plethora of blog-based awards. The Weblog Awards, The BOB Awards, The Bloggies, The Perfect Post Awards and the highly sought-after “Look At Me. I’m So Important That I Won A Blog Award” Blog Awards are just the tip of the iceberg. It seems almost every blog I frequent dons some sort of colorful button screaming “I’m better than you, turdbag. Bite me.”
Well, what about the other special and extremely gifted writers* out there? Are these people* not worthy of such awards? Maybe these people* are holding back, afraid that their* sheer brilliance and talent might alienate readers around the globe…their* words acting as a mask, YES, A MASK! A mask that hides the pure poetic genius festering inside their* souls! Have you considered that? HUH, Darren?! HUH?!
To that, I say TralalalaLAH! I, err I mean we, We LAUGH at your snubbery! We don’t need your precious awards!
Enter Whoorlies, stage right!
To qualify for a Whoorlie, you must have NO previous blog awards in your repertoire. And of course, you must be a genius and all that stuff I wrote up there.
On with the show!
Most Consistent Theme – Gorillabuns. And that theme would be cocktails. She’ll drink you under the table. And then slay you with seriously wicked karaoke performances.
Best Artistic Vision – Chirky. As seen here and here and here.
Best Use of Haiku – Red Red Whine (formerly Guinness Girl). I am partial to this one.
Best Thoughts Of A Deep Variety (Making Whoorl Feel Like A Totally Shallow Asshat) – Sizzle Says. Plus, I’m envious of her rack. See? There I go with the shallow again.
If I Had A 100 Things List, It Would Be Eerily Similar – Metalia. Seriously, avocado? Grass green? Football? Lip gloss? Good speller? The nose thing? I could go on forever.
The Only Top 100 Technorati Blogger That Reads Whoorl – Brian Gardner. Although, really, do you care about the insignificant Whoorlie when you have 4,709 blogs linking to you? Really?
Best Public Service Announcement – No Pasa Nada. She says NO, sucka! But are you saying no to the Whoorlie?
My Favorite Canadian – Kicky Boots. And this is big, ’cause I love me some Canadians. Maybe it’s because Avelyn and Wito are destined for a long-distance romance.
Best Photo Of Sleeping Child – Hola, Isabel. Only one of the many reasons I read Isabel, but C’MON, that photo is HILARIOUS.
Congratulations to the 2007 winners. You may now adorn your sidebars with this beauty.
Please contain your excitement. PLEASE CONTAIN YOUR EXCITEMENT! Let’s act like adults, mmmkay?
I now abruptly conclude the First Annual Whoorlie Awards. My brain has offically melted from all of the linkage.
Coming soon! The Average Post Awards!
*ahem…ahem…AHEM, YOU FOOLS!
Heather B.
March 21, 2007 at 12:34 pmI’m pretty sure that the last time I won something was in 1993 during a game of Bingo.
So really, I appreciate this.
Also, do realize that when I see you this summer, I’m going to have to buy you a shot, or seven to show my thanks.
Kaili
March 21, 2007 at 12:37 pmThat is so funny, I was totally thinking of doing awards on my blog. Weird. Great idea!
I know Amanda and Avelyn, so way to go! Little Wito man and Avelyn would look quite smashing together!
Elizabeth
March 21, 2007 at 12:47 pmWhat a fun idea. I think that I might snag it, of course my awards will never be as highly coveted as yours… Glad to know that I have read some of your faves! Have a great day.
Rachel
March 21, 2007 at 1:38 pmAw, man! I even put on CLEAN UNDERWEAR today and I didn’t win a damn thing! Hmmm. Methinks Whoorl needs more catagories!
metalia
March 21, 2007 at 2:13 pmWell, THAT just made my day. Thank you! Can I put this on my résumé?
I knew about the the football and lip gloss love (well, obviously), not to mention the diaper bag coincidence, but I was not aware of the other stuff…I adore you even more now, if possible. We should get together and, um…eat guacamole on freshly cut green grass, whereinafter we should have a spelling bee/end zone dance discussion? While applying lipgloss?
cocodrie
March 21, 2007 at 3:33 pmThat Chirky is good! Between your recommending her work and SAJ’s, I am quite sure you deserve your own award for having a great eye for talent.
(Also, “totally shallow asshat” is a great phrase. And one that I will certainly have the pleasure of using living in L.A.! Copyright Whoorl, of course.)
angela
March 21, 2007 at 4:52 pmI guess I’ll just have to save up my acceptance speech for another time. Which is probably good, because now I can rehearse it in front of the mirror a few thousand times to make sure it is perfectly polished.
Angella
March 21, 2007 at 5:04 pmI’m coveting the awards too. Maybe next year? Or ten years from now? How many Canadians do I have to compete against? I’m super glad that Amanda won, though – she’s even better in real life :)
don't call me ma'am
March 21, 2007 at 6:18 pmSo… when do you think you’ll be having awards again… possibly for people who have only won a SINGLE award?? ;-)
I will add more awards the day I receive an award. Which means, don’t hold your breath.
Maya
March 21, 2007 at 8:01 pmContaining excitement. CONTAINING EXCITEMENT. (barely) Congratulations to all winners.
So…you’re saying you need rack-age for winner status? Hmmm….
kris
March 22, 2007 at 6:36 amHolla, big winners! woot!
I, of course, am feeling just a little like Susan Lucci now, but it’s all good. ;)
Kris, I do believe you were the recipient of the 2006 “Learn Something New Every Day” Award from the Share The Love Blog Awards. I did my research, chica. FURTHERMORE, if ANYONE is Susan Lucci, it’s me! ME! ME! ME!
Oh wait, to be considered a “Susan Lucci”, I would have to be nominated for something….
Gary
March 22, 2007 at 1:28 pmCongrats to Brian. I modified one of his themes for my site I launched officially 6 days ago. How can I get in line for one of those cool awards?
How about an award for blogging about nonprofit stuff, blogging in Texas…I’ll take any of them. I’m at http://www.drivebyconsulting.com
I’ll also take advice on how to make my blog as cool as these winners.
Gary
Amanda
March 22, 2007 at 1:37 pmYou have no clue how this had made my week! Really. Excitement CANNOT BE CONTAINED.
Thanks for the internet lovin’.
You’re my favourite American. :)
kris
March 22, 2007 at 5:07 pmDammit! How did you know I won that one?
You are a sly one, Whoorl. Very, very sly indeed . . .
Jessica
March 22, 2007 at 5:37 pmWhat about a gratuitous award for the blogger/reader for the most children under the age of 2, pushed out in less than 2 years… anybody? Me? Sure…I’ll accept that award. Just an idea of course…Just an idea.