Welcome to the inaugural ceremony of the soon-to-be-coveted Whoorlie awards. You all look absolutely ravishing. Please take your seats.
Over the past several years, we’ve seen a plethora of blog-based awards. The Weblog Awards, The BOB Awards, The Bloggies, The Perfect Post Awards and the highly sought-after “Look At Me. I’m So Important That I Won A Blog Award” Blog Awards are just the tip of the iceberg. It seems almost every blog I frequent dons some sort of colorful button screaming “I’m better than you, turdbag. Bite me.”
Well, what about the other special and extremely gifted writers* out there? Are these people* not worthy of such awards? Maybe these people* are holding back, afraid that their* sheer brilliance and talent might alienate readers around the globe…their* words acting as a mask, YES, A MASK! A mask that hides the pure poetic genius festering inside their* souls! Have you considered that? HUH, Darren?! HUH?!
To that, I say TralalalaLAH! I, err I mean we, We LAUGH at your snubbery! We don’t need your precious awards!
Enter Whoorlies, stage right!
To qualify for a Whoorlie, you must have NO previous blog awards in your repertoire. And of course, you must be a genius and all that stuff I wrote up there.
On with the show!
Most Consistent Theme – Gorillabuns. And that theme would be cocktails. She’ll drink you under the table. And then slay you with seriously wicked karaoke performances.
Best Artistic Vision – Chirky. As seen here and here and here.
Best Use of Haiku – Red Red Whine (formerly Guinness Girl). I am partial to this one.
Best Thoughts Of A Deep Variety (Making Whoorl Feel Like A Totally Shallow Asshat) – Sizzle Says. Plus, I’m envious of her rack. See? There I go with the shallow again.
If I Had A 100 Things List, It Would Be Eerily Similar – Metalia. Seriously, avocado? Grass green? Football? Lip gloss? Good speller? The nose thing? I could go on forever.
The Only Top 100 Technorati Blogger That Reads Whoorl – Brian Gardner. Although, really, do you care about the insignificant Whoorlie when you have 4,709 blogs linking to you? Really?
Best Public Service Announcement – No Pasa Nada. She says NO, sucka! But are you saying no to the Whoorlie?
My Favorite Canadian – Kicky Boots. And this is big, ’cause I love me some Canadians. Maybe it’s because Avelyn and Wito are destined for a long-distance romance.
Best Photo Of Sleeping Child – Hola, Isabel. Only one of the many reasons I read Isabel, but C’MON, that photo is HILARIOUS.
Congratulations to the 2007 winners. You may now adorn your sidebars with this beauty.
Please contain your excitement. PLEASE CONTAIN YOUR EXCITEMENT! Let’s act like adults, mmmkay?
I now abruptly conclude the First Annual Whoorlie Awards. My brain has offically melted from all of the linkage.
Coming soon! The Average Post Awards!
*ahem…ahem…AHEM, YOU FOOLS!
Jurgen NationMarch 21, 2007 at 9:03 am
Oh, don’t cry to me, 2005 BOB Winner and recipient of 2006 LAMISITIWABA.
Darren McLikeshimselfMarch 21, 2007 at 9:13 am
Now, if I recall, I gave out my blog awards in January ’06, and I didn’t start reading you until March ’06. I haven’t yet decided if I want to do a second round of “Look at Me” blog awards or not, but it looks like I’m going to have to start a “Sour Grapes” category…
Well, you should have found me EARLIER, DAMN IT.
Brian GardnerMarch 21, 2007 at 8:21 am
Who cares about numbers when you can place a radical green Whoorlie Award on my website??? :) My big dilemma is whether or not to hotlink your image…
Thanks for the recognition. If I was still living in LA I’d drop by and give you a great big hug… But for now, a virtual one is all I can offer. And I’ll still frequent your masterpiece blog even after your ‘Hawks kick SIU’s arse this weekend.
IsabelMarch 21, 2007 at 8:21 am
Oh my goodness, I am so freakin’ excited (that one was for Mormon Joe)! I can’t believe I won.
To be honest, when I took the picture of sleeping Babboo last weekend I *knew* it was destined for greatness.
And by winning this award dose it mean I’m out of the running for The Average Post Awards??
nabbaliciousMarch 21, 2007 at 8:43 am
SNUBBED! I take umbrage! I demand a recount! Even though I never could have been nominated to begin with! It is no matter! Is there a button that reads “Whoorlie 2007 Snubbee”? If so, I’ll take one, please. What? I like to win.
I know, I know. It hurts deep down, Little Miss I HAVE ALREADY WON TWO AWARDS. Power to the little people!
chirkyMarch 21, 2007 at 8:45 am
I can’t decide whether I want to print this and hang it on my cubicle wall, so SOMEONE knows I did SOMETHING. The intrigue!
I’m glad you can appreciate my drawings. I’m partial to them, personally. They even have their own category in my Flickr account, which is the mark of TRUE greatness.
DonovanMarch 21, 2007 at 8:51 am
A shit day is always improved by a new post from Whoorl.
Thanks Whoorl, I needed that.
guinness girlMarch 21, 2007 at 9:12 am
WOOHOOOOOO!!! I am indescribably honored. Thank you, Whoorl!!
SAJMarch 21, 2007 at 9:45 am
I am coveting!
sizzleMarch 21, 2007 at 9:50 am
i can NOT and will NOT contain my excitement. i am honored. i’d like to thank God. . .
you are even more awesome and i sincerely believed that it was impossible for you to top yourself. but you have. :)
alyndabearMarch 21, 2007 at 12:03 pm
KellyMarch 21, 2007 at 12:21 pm
What’s a girl got to do….I gave up hookin a long time ago. Hey, I proudly stand tall that I am in your links. Keeping the flame burning for 2008.
Three cheers for Kicky Boots…enjoy her blog…way to go Amanda!
You love how everyone is pouring on the guilt…you better feel like a schmuck. Your only existence it to put us all on the map and also to make us laugh and I suppose to be a good mom too.
BeachMamaMarch 21, 2007 at 12:03 pm
So here I thought I was the only Canadian you knew but, alas, your awards are way too funny. How did you pick them all?? (need criteria for next year ;) )
gorillabunsMarch 21, 2007 at 12:06 pm
i feel quite honored to be included in the first evah whoorlie awards! i should scream like sally fields because dude, i NEVER win anything, except for $2 on last weeks scratch-off lottery ticket. so, if you will excuse me, i have to go now to figure out where my award will look it’s shiny best and oh, yes, go on the hunt for the best drink specials in town.
JeniferMarch 21, 2007 at 12:12 pm
Damn, I thought I sent you the bribe so I could win? Maybe the check got lost in the mail.