Step Away From the Spray Bottle, Sir

Over the past few years, we’ve rarely strayed from Wito’s signature hairstyle. You’ve seen it before…the swoopy, longer bangs in the front…short, but not too short in the back…

It just suits him. Not that the haircut doesn’t have its drawbacks, though. It can get a little hot and sweaty all up in there, and we deal with some pretty raunchy bedhead, to boot.

And I raaaaaan, I ran so far awaaayyy…

A few weeks ago, we decided to shorten it up a bit. We’ve hit the warmest part of the summer, and it was looking a tad bothersome. D (who does a mighty fine job of cutting his own hair, might I add) took the reigns and gave Wito a nice summer cut.

Wito was happy with it, and although we definitely miss the swoop, it was a nice change.

Fast forward a couple of weeks, when I opened his backpack and retrieved the ominous school picture envelope.

This is what I found.

(I’d like to apologize for the abundance of caps lock you are about to witness.)


WHA? WHO? HUH? Who is that child? Is that my child? What the hell happened to the top of his head? Is it, um, wet? Has it been sprayed with water or some oil-like substance? What’s the vertical span of that business on top? WHO MANIPULATED MY CHILD’S HEAD, I ASK OF YOU PLEASE SIR.

It’s just so…wet and spiky and, well, of the douchebag variety.

You guys, I cry-laughed for at least 20 minutes upon finding these photos. I think we will pass on this year’s package, thanks.

UPDATE: After chatting with some moms, it seems many children in Wito’s class had surprising hairstyles in their photos. When called and asked, the photographer shared that “they do not normally restyle kids hair, but this particular class was unfortunately right after recess.” Unfortunate indeed, good sir. UNFORTUNATE, INDEED. Heh.

  1. Michelle

    August 22, 2012 at 8:54 am

    I agree w/GorillaBuns, get a small package just to have…something to show in a slideshow for his high school graduation party. This is too funny. Thanks for sharing!

  2. Sarah

    August 22, 2012 at 9:38 am

    If that appeared in my kid’s backpack, I would immediately assume he did it himself. ;) My boy has had a real boy haircut for a long time now and he’s 4! It makes him looks so old. He has thick heavy hair that we have to keep short because he’s a sweaty beast who hates having his hair washed. He loves the spikey hair look and will totally attempt to style it that way himself.

    I have envied your ability to have a boy with cute hair long past the stage many other kids demand to have their hair cut. But I love seeing Wito’s face in the more recent pics.

    If I were you, I’d buy at least ONE of the photos. And then complain to the school office about their photographer. :)

  3. Amy wright

    August 22, 2012 at 10:03 am

    Oh, this is hilarious!!!! You have to buy at least one picture so it is sure to show up in high school! It could be a great bargaining tool in the future :)

  4. Jenny Post

    August 22, 2012 at 11:10 am

    Wow. Just wow.

    Aside from the ridiculousness of his hair in that photo, why can’t school photo companies get it together?? The backdrops, the deer-in-headlights expressions, the lighting. Every time I see one (and I’m a teacher, so I see A LOT), I can’t tell if it was taken in 1983 or 2012. The pictures we take with our cellphones look better!

  5. Angella

    August 22, 2012 at 11:13 am

    Oh, MY.

    So awesome, though. ;)

  6. Elizabeth A

    August 22, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    But, but… if you don’t buy the school photo package, however will you remember this moment in time? It’s not like you have a blog or anything where you regularly post photos that will remain for all eternity….
    Oh, wait. Never mind.

    • whoorl

      August 22, 2012 at 12:26 pm

      That’s kind of what I was thinking!

  7. Amti'b

    August 22, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    Uhm, might be the funniest most un him photo ever.

  8. ohjennymae

    August 22, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    oh, my. i can’t. i just don’t even know what to say. do i laugh? do i console you?

    this happened to me when my boy was in preschool. someone took a comb to his blond beach hair & it ended up looking like some old-timey greaser. but at least it wasn’t spiked?

    i’m so sorry.

    • whoorl

      August 22, 2012 at 1:55 pm

      Oh, you are so sweet. Laugh…just laugh with us, it’s all we’ve been doing for a couple of days! Dare I say, I love that it happened. Makes for a great story, and you know I love telling stories!

  9. Denae @ New Mom Adventure

    August 22, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    At least he didnt come back with a fake tan too. :sigh:

  10. Jill Browning

    August 22, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    Priceless! This may be my favorite post of yours.

  11. erin from swonderland

    August 22, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    oh my gaaaaaaaa! hahahaha. ha. ha. you must order the smallest package. you must.

  12. Danielle

    August 22, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    I absolutely love that you shared this! Bahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!! My 12 yo son is in possession of a vast amount of silky blonde hair–he gets nagged to cut it all the time. But he won’t because he is totally into his hair!

    And we have the bad school photographs to remind him why he likes his hair long!

  13. Brooke Davis

    August 22, 2012 at 6:57 pm

    Oh. My. Goodness. I laughed with tears. I love the way you write and the build up to the school photo was amazing. Was not expecting it and I thank you. Loved it.

  14. Janssen

    August 22, 2012 at 8:55 pm

    Okay, THIS was the highlight of my day.

  15. Christa

    August 23, 2012 at 8:15 am

    You tell a great story! This is really, really funny!