Do you know what’s super fun? Getting denied from health insurance companies. You know, the mysterious three-week waiting period, the non-information from the sugary sweet customer service rep, the all-business letter that arrives in the mail…wait, you don’t know what I’m talking about? You all got insurance right away? With no problems? WHAT? FUCKING WHAT?
It seems that my husband and son are prime candidates for health insurance with their big healthy smiles and shit. Alas, I’m what they consider risqué…stated in a letter that read something like this:
Dear Whoorl:
We would be more than honored to underwrite your husband and son into our wonderful and happy health care family.
Unfortunately, even though you have very shiny hair and darling shoes, we have come to the decision that you are not worth the risk (like, HEY-EL NO). After careful analysis, we are pretty sure you are going to cost us a shitload this year. You are welcome to sign up for one of our guaranteed-issue plans (also known as our “dead man walking” plans) which will cost $13,265 per month.
Thank you for your (really just your husband and son’s) business. May God be with you.
Sincerely,
Mr. Positive Thinking
Oh no, THANK YOU! You’ve made my day so much brighter. No pre-existing conditions, no medications, but hell, you get something removed from your breast 2 years ago and it’s finito with the big dogs. ARF!
In other news, has anyone tried this new gum? It’s pretty damn tasty and according to my strange husband, smells like “sex candy”. Interesting. That was this first thing he uttered when he returned home from work and yes, he was serious. Um, wow. I’m not really sure where in the mental rolodex that one’s going to reside.
UPDATE: Once again, the write-something-on-your-blog-and-the-opposite-happens phenomenon has struck. I just found out I was approved by a another good company. Seriously, what is UP with this phenomenon?!
Lyndsay
February 14, 2007 at 6:19 amThat’s why you don’t tell them about ANY pre-exisiting conditions or previous helath issues. I know that sounds immoral, but they absolutely screw you if you disclose things. When I go on new insurance, I state that I’m not taking any medications and that I’ve never been sick in my life – not even a cold. Even though I’m crippled by anxiety (I exaggerate) and have had a couple of surgeries. They’re crooks anyway – they deserve a taste of their own medicine.
B@B@
February 14, 2007 at 7:34 amHappy Valentines day!!
Love n hugs for you and your pretty family!!!
whoorl
February 14, 2007 at 8:20 amLyndsay-
I asked my agent about that (a little fibbing here and there) and he told me now health insurance companies will terminate you immediately if you become sick and they reference your medical files and find a similar sickness. For instance, if I found another cyst in my breast and was treated, the health insurance company would request and review my past medical files and would then terminate my plan ASAP when they find that I omitted information on my app about the previous cyst.
By the way, I’m friends with my doctor’s office so I called to see if my medical records were requested, and they were. So regardless of what you put on your app, the health insurance companies see everything (illnesses, medications, etc). UGH.
erika
February 14, 2007 at 1:05 pmI’m scared of that “xylitol” stuff. I tried the apple fusion, one sour and one sweet. All I tasted were chemicals seeping into my bloodstream.
Nope, I’m not a health nut, and yes I love the sweets. So this coming from me, not good. *shudder*
Yay for health insurance. Kinda important ;)
Jessie
February 14, 2007 at 12:35 pmGlad to hear the update! I’m sure that’s a weight off your shoulders.