12

Seven Things

in Odds and Ends

Hey, Sarcomical! Remember when you tagged me with this meme in 1989? Oh, you forgot? Yeah, I kind of forgot, too. Until TODAY, my friend.

Seven Things To Do Before I Die:
1. Spend at least one month in Italy.
2. Live closer to my family.
3. Be a loving, funny and “in-touch” mother.
4. Paint.
5. Be an excellent cook.
6. Host dinner parties with all sorts of interesting guests.
7. Tell my grandchildren stories that completely captivate their attention.

Seven Things I Cannot Do:
1. Get on a plane without touching the outside of it while boarding.
2. Sleep late.
3. Drive leisurely.
4. Watch television for more than 12 minutes at a time.
5. Stay away from the internet for more than 2 hours at a time.
6. Talk on the phone without pacing the house.
7. Surf. And I live 5 minutes from the ocean. Gah!

Seven Things That Attract Me to Blogging:
1. Keeping an online account of my life experiences. Bonus if people find it entertaining.
2. Meeting Friendternets (© Sarcomical).
3. It’s a great way to clear my jumbled thoughts.
4. This.
5. And That.
6. And That.
7. And That.

Seven Things I Say Most Often:
1. Gaawwwddddd (while exhaling loudly and rolling eyes).
2. I don’t feel well (thanks Dad for the reminder).
3. You rock!
4. I’m freezing.
5. I’m hungry.
6. This sucks donkey balls.
7. I can’t believe (insert random fact).

Seven Books I Love:
1. The Pregnancy Journal – Christine Harris
2. The Witching Hour – Anne Rice
3. Cry to Heaven – Anne Rice
4. The Time Traveler’s Wife – Audrey Niffenegger
4. The Baby Name Wizard – Laura Wattenberg
5. 501 Italian Verbs – John Colaneri
6. Do periodicals count?
7. Who do you think I am? Jurgen Nation? Shit.

Seven Movies/DVDs That I Watch Over and Over Again:
1. Dream For An Insomniac
2. Cinema Paradiso
3. Secretary
4. The Royal Tenenbaums
5. Down With Love
6. Sex and the City (except season 5…boooring)
7. Like Water For Chocolate

Seven People I Want To Join In (unless you’ve already done it, in which I apologize profusely for not paying attention to your fabulous entries):
1. Shana
2. Kris
3. Stacy
4. Alicat
5. Sizzle
6. Molly
7. Nabbalicious

19

Post Office Blues

in Life

D forced me to accompany him to the neighborhood post office this weekend. I almost died a thousand deaths. I despise our neighborhood post office. It smells of mothballs and Polident, and you have to take a fucking PAPER TICKET with a number printed on it and wait your turn like in the 1950’s or something. No line, no organization, just a trillion absent-minded peeps waiting around for their number to be called. Total bullshit.

Why am I so passionate about being forced to visit our crappy post office? Well, mainly because if you drive an extra 5 minutes from our home, you can experience the NEW FABULOUS Post Office, which doesn’t smell like Polident! And has an AUTOMATED POSTAL MACHINE! As Ferris would say, it is sooo choice. I can walk in, walk up to a machine, place my package on the scale and do all of my business with an automated teller. Need insurance or delivery confirmation? No problem. Oversized package? Bring it on. This machine does everything a postal worker could do minus the stinky postal worker breath in my face. Just me and the machine. And the best part? Everyone is scared to use it! Like it’s going to sprout teeth and eat them in one big munch. Over the holidays, I would shimmy past thirty to forty people standing in line, straight up to my shiny automated friend and get down to business. The people in line would look at me, and then at each other, thinking, “What is she doing over there?”, “Can I do that?”, “Oh, I’m afraid. It might sprout monster teeth and eat me”. I would finish in about 3 minutes, turn around, look at the line that hadn’t moved one inch, and smirk. Yes, I am the smirky girl at the post office, but C’MON! How could you not smirk at forty oblivious suckahs standing in line with their packages for days on end!

One day, an older gentleman summoned the courage to saunter over and check out what I was doing. He said something to the effect of “Oh, you youngins and your computers…I wish I could do that.”

Um, it’s a fucking touch screen, not a complex code of software engineering. Good God.

Hey, not that I’m complaining. I hope the majority of Americans never learn how to use the automated teller, thus ensuring many more pleasant days at the United States Post Office. Peace.

16

Just a Few Things

in Odds and Ends

1) I’m so happy American Idol is finally down to 24 contestants. The auditioning process was so. very. tiring. to. watch.

2) Speaking of American Idol, my husband’s hair temporarily looks like Simon Cowell. It is very unfortunate. We both got haircuts yesterday, in which he had a fair amount cut off. His hair literally did not know which way to lie, so it just stood straight up in perfect Simon Cowell squared-off fashion. Sexy.

3) Have I mentioned that Whoorlito will most likely break the world record for the most hair? The thickness factor between D and I is insane- it’s very possible that Whoorlito might look like this.

4) So many of my daily blog reads have been in my dreams lately. Jurgen Nation, Something So Clever, Sarcomical, and some sort of Sarcastic Journalist and Secret Agent Josephine hybrid. Maybe I need a break from all the reading.

5) My belly is starting to pop.

6) Chipotle for lunch! Wiping the drool off my keyboard.