12

Whoorlito is a Genius

Most mothers out there would probably agree that feeling the baby’s first movements in the womb can be a tad confusing. According to the experts, a pregnant woman will start to feel her baby’s first movements somewhere in between 16 and 20 weeks. These movements are often described as a “quickening”, “fluttering” or “popcorn popping”. For first-time moms, it can take a little longer to recognize these movements because they can feel extremely similar to gas bubbles or generalized tummy rumbling. When learning this information, I came to the speedy realization that I was screwed in the “feeling the baby move” department. As a diagnosed IBS sufferer, I have a LOT of “tummy rumbling”. In fact, if my stomach isn’t making weird noises or “shifting gears” (as I like to call it), something is off.

A couple of weeks ago (around my 16-week point), I started to pay closer attention to the sensations in my stomach. Quite frankly, it was maddening trying to distinguish what in the hell was going on down there. Is that gas? Is my Chipotle burrito digesting? Or could that be the baby? WHO THE HELL KNOWS!! I resigned myself to the “When it happens, it happens” mantra and gave up.

Well, this week I have definitely felt the fluttering and I must admit it is so exciting/strange/bizarrorama. But nothing prepared me for the flash of genius I experienced last night. As I plopped down on the couch to watch American Idol, the television volume was pretty loud. Has anyone else noticed that FOX is SO MUCH LOUDER than other channels? IS it just AI? Whatever. Anyway, the AI theme song came on and HIIIII YA! Whoorlito kicked! And it felt exactly like the whole “popcorn popping” sensation I had read about. Holy hell, my child has exceptional taste when it comes to television programming.

D and I are off to an ultrasound appointment, but check out some of the goodies Whoorlito’s fabulous grandmother bought him on our shopping bonanza. Spoiled rotten, I must admit.

WhoorlitoGoodies.jpg

11

Rain Rain Go Away

It’s pouring in Southern California. I guess winter finally made an appearance. I personally don’t mind the rain- it’s the only weather change we experience around here. Well wait, maybe I mean I don’t mind the rain when I’m lying in my bed, eating bonbons and watching Ellen. I DO mind the rain when I have to join society and drive on the streets with Californians. Good God, are they scared of the rain! Total shit-for-brains. It’s not sleet, people. It’s rain.

My mom left this morning. We had a great mother/daughter weekend, except it wasn’t a mother/daughter weekend. It was a mother/daughter/son-in-law weekend. Yes, D was supposed to be in Las Vegas for a bachelor party ensuring our fabulous all-girls rendezvous, but those plans were scrapped when he woke up hurling from food poisoning on Friday morning. When my mother called to tell my father the situation, he casually asked her if I had poisoned D’s food to keep him from frequenting the titty bars, to which she replied, “Probably”.

OH, THANKS FOR THE VOTE OF CONFIDENCE. Although, seriously, why didn’t I think of that? Kidding, people. I kid. Or maybe not. Hahaha, MWAHHAHAAAA!

He was in some pretty disgusting form all weekend. Our toilet was working overtime in the most heinous way. How fun for my mom!! But did that stop the shopping bonanza? HELL NO! And I plan on showing you all my new baby gear when I get my ass out of my comfy bed and take photos (which isn’t going to be until tomorrow).

Until then, I will ponder why Goldfish crackers leave such a shitty taste in my mouth.

12

Queen Bee Arrives Soon

This is a quick post because my mom will be arriving in Orange County in less than 2 hours. I am seriously jazzed. It’s a bonafide mom/daughter weekend free of any men. Do you know what that means?

SHOPPING BONANZA.

Not only is my mom fantastic in every way possible, but she is already spoiling the shit out of whoorlito. Every week while chatting on the phone, she will mention oh-so-casually “I think the baby is going to get a present today…”

Within an hour or two, the UPS man is knocking on my door with things like this

frog.jpg

Um yeah, it has fucking darling froggies on it.

froggie.jpg

And she doesn’t discriminate against other animals, such as ducks.

duck.jpg

Calling geisha services…

kimono.jpg

I’m not sure what animal this is, but HELL it’s a cute bath wrap.

bathwrap.jpg

The softest blanket ever.

blanket.jpg

Are you catching my drift? The woman has gone BABY CRAZY. And she is about to experience the Baby Boutique Mecca of the West Coast. Hell yes.