5 years ago, I had some anxiety issues while living in Chicago. I’m not sure if it was a result of the gloomy winter weather, living in an “up-and-coming” neighborhood (prostitutes behind our flat and generalized crazy) or just that specific time in my life, but it was a little frightening. I was underweight, had trouble staying calm in public places, wasn’t sleeping worth a damn due to my pounding heart and was convinced I was losing my mind. Thinking I was going crazy led to more anxiety which led to thinking I was crazy annnnnd we’re back to the anxiety. It’s a cycle, isn’t it?

I’m not the type to take the pharmaceutical route (said the retired pharma sales rep), so with the help of an amazing therapist and subtle changes in my day-to-day life, I pretty much eliminated it from my life. And since I’ve been in California, I haven’t had issues with it. (KNOCK ON WOOD, PLEASE DON’T JINX IT)

One of the most important changes I made was cutting out all caffeine in my diet. As my physician told me, I am naturally caffeinated as it is. No need for any of it in my body.

So for the past 5 years, I haven’t consumed caffeine.

Seriously.

In fact, I am the person at Starbucks checking and re-checking with the barista that my drink, in fact, does NOT contain caffeine. Like I will surely die if any espresso touches my lips. I will SUE you, Barista! Give me my DECAF vanilla latte! Don’t try to trick me! Are you trying to mess with me? Hello?

Since Wito was born, I have slowly introduced a teeny bit of caffeine into my life. You know, due to the fact that Babies = No Sleep. No Sleep = Tired. Tired = Baby Sent To Orphanage. Orphanage = Guilt (but some sleep!)

Where am I going with this? Oh yeah, I just consumed 2 cups of coffee. TWO! CUPS! COFFEE! My perfect sleeper Wito, woke up every hour screaming last night. EVERY! HOUR! I ended up putting him in my bed at 3 am. IN! MY! BED! I was a co-sleeper last night! And I’m drinking caffeine! And I am experiencing heart palpitations!

DON’T WORRY! I’M NOT CRAZY! I’m a new person! A new, yet haggard person dancing to Sesame Street! Singing “YOU MUST TAKE CARE OF YOUR HAIRRRRRRRRRRR”?! Do you know an entire episode of Sesame Street is about hair? Has anyone seen this?

I think I have to leave now.

UPDATE: After endless hysterical bouts this morning and a trip to the doctor, ear infection it is. BOO.