So You Think You Can Dance is the most riveting television program in the history of time.

There. I said it.

I said it so you don’t have to, people.

Wait. Why, you ask? Oh please, let me enlighten you.

1. Cat Deeley has great hair.

2. Mary Murphy is totally Paula Abdul’s older, more responsible sister. She’s the one trying to get little Paula off the druggos and it’s all about the positive reinforcement. Both women are carriers of the B463 (unnecessary bouts of waterworks) and the D387 (getting their middle-age groove on) genes. They both make no sense, need serious cosmetic intervention and use words that are way too young for them. Were his moves really “wicked”, Mary? Because, um, last time I checked, you were the ballroom dancer judge. The show already has a hip-hop judge, and I don’t think he’s appreciating you getting all up in his shiznit, yo.

Most importantly, how does Ms. Murphy have an overbite and an underbite at the same time? Is that anatomically possible?

3. I am so pleasantly baffled by the Benji family. Benji, Benji’s sister, Benji’s cousin Heidi…what is going on in this troupe? They are unbelievable.

4. Travis from Season 2. Travis, I’ll drop everything for you, regardless if your MySpace profile name happens to be “hardassbitch“.

5. The interesting apparel choices by the ladies. Several times, I’ve found myself covering one eye, fully confident that the tiny piece of spandex covering their mons pubis is going to roll downward to the knee area, thus displaying dancer coochie to all of America.

6. Many more reasons, but it’s starting RIGHT. NOW.

*The opinions expressed herein are those of Whoorl, proud owner of the Center Stage DVD.