The HT theme of the week is Do It Yourself. Why am I sitting here typing this when I could be watching Gossip Girl? You all don’t need me!
Like Shawna, for instance.
Shawna’s hair:
Very thin and baby fine
Likes chin-length
Natural color is mousy brown, but has a front section with no pigment (white), so she highlights to blend
Hair gets oily by the day’s end
Shawna sent an email, as well as discussed her ongoing hair drama over here. In a nutshell, Shawna’s hair is extremely fine and thin, she can’t grow it too much longer without it looking stringy, and needs to highlight due to the pigment issue in the front. She just didn’t know how to remedy the situation.
Or did she?
Looking at her before photo, I thought her highlights looked lovely with her complexion. Beyond color, I was going to suggest keeping the bangs, trimming the ends about an inch, and keeping the layers. However, I wanted to suggest cutting back on the texturizing and/or side layers to give a fuller appearance.
I sent her an email asking if she needed to send an updated photo due to her submission from the days of yore, and she replied that she had just gotten her haircut.
And voila!
Bangs? Check.
Trimmed ends? Check.
Less texturizing? Check.
Quite lovely AND alleviating all of her concerns? Check.
Once again, WHY AM I HERE?
Don’t let the door smack your fine asses on the way out, ladies.
(Second participant coming tomorrow, but I really need to spend some quality time vapidly staring at my television screen tonight. Peace.)
Friday, December 28th, 2007. The day that altered my life forever.
Picture this. A chilly day spent on my grandmother’s ranch in Oklahoma. After a fairly uneventful drive from Oklahoma City, we arrive with gifts in tow. Why, here we are, relaxing on (read: breaking) my grandma’s Lazy Boy.
Christmas at my grandmother’s home is a very relaxed affair. A down home meal, homemade pies, sweetened tea and some football. Usually, I end up sitting on the above chair for most of the 5-hour visit.
Except for this particular day- I heard my father and grandmother talking about some fantastic, life-altering ham and how he just HAD to have one to take back to the city. Some shuffling and jingling of keys ensued, and before I knew it, my dad was heading out the door.
Normally, this wouldn’t have phased me- I mean, it takes a lot to get my ass out of that fine leather chair, but for some reason, I found myself yelling, “Dad! I wanna go! Hold up!” He inquired incredulously, “You want to go pick up a HAM with me?”
“YesIwannagosomeonewatchmybabyokayfinebah”
Thus began our adventure to secure The Miracle Ham. Through two small towns and a very desolate 2-lane highway, the entire time listening to my father boast about a damn ham. “It isn’t injected with ANYTHING! Such smoky flavor! Hung to dry! Natural! The best flavor you’ve ever tasted!”
Luckily, I had his new iPhone to play with, thus counterbalancing the ham sermon. However, I was very careful to interject a well-placed “uh-huh…you don’t say…mmm, smoky” along the way.
I guess, in my mind, I assumed we were heading to a retail operation, such as a Honeybaked Ham store (although, YOU HAVE NOTHING ON THE MIRACLE HAM, FOOLS!) Little did I know that we were going to spend some quality time here:
The iPhone came in quite handy, you see.
I looked at my father and asked, “Is this, like, a meat production plant-type establishment?”
To which he replied, “I do reckon, little lady, now git over yonder!”
(My extremely suave and well-spoken father hasn’t lived in a small town since 1967, yet transforms into Smiley Burnette within a 20-mile radius of his old stomping grounds.)
We walked up to the door, me skittishly standing in my father’s new-found cowboy shadow, and what I saw next was marvelous.
A smoky office about the size of an elevator with what looked to be a 113-year-old woman sitting at a desk, smoking some Kool Menthols. Across the cluttered desk sat her grandson and great-grandkids, looking at us as if we were just transported from Mars.
Keep in mind, the Miracle Ham Establishment isn’t even located in a town. It is in the middle of nowhere, and I’m guessing the owner/operators of the MHE do not have daily run-ins with people donning winter white peacoats and iPhones. It was a little awkward on my part.
However, Smiley was having a ball.
“Well, HOWDY, Miss Jones! It’s me, Ronny! Arlene’s boy! How ya doing? I was hopin’ I could buy one of those deeelicious hams of yours. I’m fixin’ to head out to the big city, and I sure would like a taste!”
*insert overdramatic eye-rolling on my part*
However, my eye-rolling was cut short when I noticed the young great-grandson (10 years old, tops!) eyeing me like I was a juicy ham myself. People, he licked his lips and with great (and unnecessary) fervor.
Let’s see – Smiley Burnette in one corner, Kool Menthol Elder and 10-Year-Old Pervert in the other. Things couldn’t get much more uncomfortable when, all of the sudden, the front door busted open. As I peered through the thick smoke, I saw the silhouette of a Very Large Man yelling, “Give me my hooves! I need my hooves!”
Kool Menthol Elder – “Well, why on earth would you need some hooves?”
Very Large Man – “Because I’m building my GUN RACK! DO YA RECKON?”
10-Year-Old Pervert – *licking lips*
At this point, I was trying to silently delineate if pigs even had hooves, and if not, what kind of hooves did he mean? More importantly, WHY WAS I IN THIS SITUATION IN THE FIRST PLACE.
I quickly decided I was going to turn around and face the wall. Sure, it might look strange, but trust me, it was my best option.
I turned around, expecting a wall, when I realized it was a glass window. A glass window looking into the meat production “area”. Holy hell. May I just use a few words?
Pig. Parts. Blood. Rust. Raw. Machines.
I’ll let you take that for what it’s worth. I looked at my father and mouthed, “Halp.”
Thank God, at this point, a lovely lady (wearing the world’s bloodiest apron and a poorly-bandaged thumb) appeared with our Miracle Ham. Fantastic.
We said our goodbyes and made our way back to car, feeling much dirtier than before we left. (Well, at least on my part. Smiley was singing about billy goats or something.)
We returned to my grandmother’s house just in time for the big meal. And you know what? I ate two slices of The Miracle Ham.
Now, I’m not really a ham person, but that Miracle Ham? It was damn good.
Welcome to Hair Thursday 2008! Let’s start this year with lovely Mary Beth.
I love how Mary Beth sent me two photos, labeled “Done” and “Not done”. God, I love that second photo.
MB’s hair:
Medium to dark brown, with some gray threads coming in
Dry condition
Bastardly thick and wavy
Would like to go to shoulder length
Uses a big round brush, a hair dryer, and a tourmaline flat iron when styling
Uses Suave shampoo and Biosilk conditioner on a daily basis
Hair is “One big, mushroomy layer”
Well, speaking from experience (bastardly thick and wavy hair), MB needs to ride that mushroomy layer for a little longer and keep growing it out. Which, for HT purposes, is super boring, but trust me. I know that hair, as it is very similar to my own, and it needs to be longer to avoid the puffball effect.
I would recommend some additional texturizing in the meantime to keep the mushroom effect under control, and as it grows longer, adding some light layers around the front.
I added Option #1 because it might be something fun for now – to change up the look while she’s patiently waiting for growth. This was achieved with a curling iron – you know, similar to the way I’ve shown before. Kind of like a modern version of a 40’s bob, and fun for a night out without the kids.
Option #2 is what I would like to see as her hair grows out. Continuously taking the bulk of the weight out during her trims and adding long layers in the front (cheekbone-length) will be key. I think the face-framing layers will be a nice change to the all one-length look.
Since these photos are more of a “Now and Later” look, how about we vote on Mary Beth’s length. Do you think she should grow it out or keep it short?
Our next participant is Pam.
Pam’s Hair:
Naturally brown, with blondish-to-light brown highlights; doesn’t want to deal with upkeep
Normal condition
Naturally wavy/curly
Preference is shoulder-length or longer
Uses a large-tooth comb and hairdryer with diffuser attachment
Uses Ouidad products (GREAT for curly hair, BTW)
No layers in hair
All Pam has to do to change the overall look of her hair is to cut layers all over. Option #1 is what she should show her stylist. I would describe Pam’s hair as wavy, and when wavy hair is shoulder-length without layers, it has the tendency to just layyyyyyyy theeerrrre. It’s too heavy – the curls can’t show their full bouncy potential! Think of an old school phone cord, pull it taut and it’s straight, release it and it’s a spiral.
The greatest thing about layering wavy hair is that the layers will be virtually invisible. All she will notice is the vitality of her new curls, I promise.
(Wow. Vitality and old school phones. Where’s my Centrum Silver?)
So, get to it!
Option #1 is the cut. Pam can leave it a little longer than the photo, but the overall shape is what we’re going for here. Option #2 is the color – Pam should go with her natural light/medium color as the base and add highlights sparingly, nothing with too much upkeep. From the looks of her natural growth at the roots, a quick romp in a sunny locale might give her the natural highlights she’s looking for OR she could buy a semi-permanent rinse with a golden-toned color to add a little oomph.
It’s time to tell Pam what you think. Should she cut layers?
