8

Olympic Opening Ceremony or Rousing Tribute to Disco?

You decide.

Did you see the Parade of Athletes last night? I tried my hardest to focus on the individual athletes and comradery, but my brain couldn’t get past the music. Why the American Disco? Are these songs just becoming popular in Torino? Did the Olympic Committee brainstorm for months, only to decide that American disco music could bring the world back together? Many, many questions…

Not that I’m complaining, Olympic Committee. I’m sure the athletes enjoyed walking to the likes of YMCA, Hot Stuff, Disco Inferno and Shake Your Booty. I’m sure Iran very much relished strutting their stuff to Funkytown. I even think I may have heard a little Video Killed The Radio Star while Mongolia made their appearance. Video Killed The Radio Star? Way to think outside of the box, Torino! I can just envision the committee’s heated discussions…”We won’t be pigeon-holed by 1970’s disco! Hell no! We’re modern citizens! We will include mid-80’s music just to throw the world citizens for a loop. Take that!”

And their plan worked. I almost lost my shit when I heard Dreams by Van Halen. I mean, that’s 1986, people! How’d that one slip in?

Those crazy Italians.

23

Sinus Infections Are Fun

sinus.jpg

Welcome to my world. Put up your feet and watch the Food Network with me! Don’t be afraid of the productive coughing, the humidifier, snotty tissues and bad attitude. It’s fun here! I promise!

– photo by the miserable husband who desperately wants to escape

11

PPD

I had a bizarro dream last night. I blame my raging sinus infection. The pressure in my cranium is so intense, it is forcing neuron synapses in my dream sector, resulting in Rawwwrrr, PPD (Pregnancy Porn Dreams)! Oh, the google searches that will ensue!

Ok, it really wasn’t a porn dream, but it was beyond strange. D and I were at a bar, where we hit it off with Uma Thurman and some short Asian man. So, the four of us decide to go back this huge bustling hotel. Like this kind of behavior was totally normal, or something? CLEARLY, this three-week long battle with my sinuses has turned me into a freaky-dream sicko.

We got back to the hotel room and all hopped in the sack in our skivvies. I noticed Uma was getting all of D’s attention! I yelled “HELLOOOO, I’m over here, assholes!”, which made the short Asian man give me quite the lusting look. Come to think of it, it was Long Duk Dong from Sixteen Candles. I was very much NOT into the Donger, so I pretended to be asleep. Well, would you want to get with this? Then, all of the sudden, Uma was professing her love to me and I had to bail. I got up to leave the room and noticed around 100 people staring at us through a huge window.

What in the hell?

The good news is that I officially have been put on antibiotics to help fight the infection, and don’t worry, it’s Pregnancy Category B, my doctor said it is perfectly safe and my internet searches consisting of

Amoxicillin
Amoxicillin Sinus Infections
Amoxicillin Birth Defects
Amoxicillin Pregnancy
Amoxicillin Placenta
Amoxicillin Teratogenic Effects
Amoxicillin Dosing
Amoxicillin Pregnancy Issues
Amoxicillin Pregnancy Complaints

haven’t scared me into my normal hypochondriac mania. Here’s to feeling better in the near future. Cheers!