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Mindful Monday: Happiness Hygiene

by whoorl

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Let’s talk about happiness for a second. Holbrook Jackson said that “happiness is a form of courage,” and I wholeheartedly agree. It takes a lot of courage to be happy – to make the big (and sometimes scary) changes necessary to become a happier person. Hey, I would like to be happier. I would like to stop feeling like dog poo. I would like to be okay with where I am in life. (By the way, I hope you know that my Mindful Monday posts aren’t coming to you from the other side of strife, like I’ve transcended life’s shitstorms and am meditating over here in Pleasantville. Trust me, I am trudging through the mud with you. I am SO SICK of being sick. I want to punch sick in the nut sack. BUT. These posts are part of MY practice to make myself a happier person and be content with the here and now. Part of my path is summoning up the courage to write about this messy stuff and try to be an example of creating positive change. Annnnd some days are better than others.)

So, what’s the deal? Why are some people able to make positive change (and be happier) while others remain stuck in the same ol’ same ol’?

Shawn Achor says because before we can be happy or successful, we need to first develop the ability to see that positive change is possible. 

Okay, I totally had a lightbulb moment when I heard that for the first time. That’s it. When we are dealing with an issue, and we get that first glimpse that things are turning around for the positive, we develop that ability. And then our perception starts to shift, and it’s like a positivity snowball. For example, say you have been dealing with low back pain forever and ever, and after a visit to the acupuncturist, the pain diminishes, and you’re like, “WOOHOO I’M GETTING BETTER,” and the synapses start firing in your brain and it’s like a happiness partay, and in turn, the healing process kicks in big time. And it’s not just dealing with physical illness…this same cascade happens with all sorts of relationship and personal issues too.

So, is there a way to help develop that ability? I mean, we do sit ups to strengthen our abs…how can we strengthen our ability to see that positive change is possible?

Lucky for us, there are some ways to finesse that part of our psyche, thanks to smarty pants, Mr. Achor. He says we need to create a single, positive change in our life that shows us that our behavior actually matters in regards to happiness. And! The cool thing is that these exercises have been scientifically proven to trump genes and environment. So, if you were born sad to a sad mom and a sad dad, it don’t mattah. You can still change, my friend. These exercises had 85-year-old pessimists turning into, gasp, dare I say, slight optimists!

Are you ready? It’s a 21-day challenge. There are 5 things you can do – try them all or just try one, but the key is that you need to be consistent for 21 days. Don’t do it for 3 days, and be allllll “that was lame…it didn’t work, NOTHING WILL EVER WORK.” If you have that attitude, then yes, you are absolutely right, nothing will ever work. (And honestly I’m being a stickler because I’m the queen of quitting way too early. I am writing this post as a reminder to myself.)

There will be no quitting. NOT TODAY, FRIENDS. Or, you know, for the next 3 weeks. Deal? Deal.

1. Every morning when you wake up, say 3 things for which you are grateful. They have to be new every day – no repeats. Gratitude changes your vibrational frequency, and you will start to notice an abundance of good around you.

Are you sitting there, already doubting this? It’s okay – I felt the same way, but then I told myself that I can’t knock it until I try it. 21 days, here I come. FEEL MY GOOD VIBRATION.

2. Once a day, write down a meaningful experience that you’ve had over the past 24 hours. It doesn’t need to be some dramatic exchange – just something that happened that made you feel happy. You see, our brains aren’t so good at telling the difference between something that is actually happening to us and something that we are recalling or perceiving, so when you write down the meaningful experience, your brain assumes it’s happening for real again, so it’s like double the goodness.

3. Exercise! Once again, yet another expert talks about exercise. Just 15 minutes of cardio per day teaches your brain to believe that behavior does matter, and then that positivity snowball will start rolling.

4. Meditation – Nope, you don’t need to go all transcendental for 30 minutes. Just 2 minutes of slowly breathing in and out a day. This exercise trains your brain to do one thing at a time. Research suggests that a multitasking brain has a harder time falling asleep, is more stressed, and has lower energy. By taking time to relax the brain has a chance to undo the negative effects of trying to manage everything at once.

5. This is my favorite one. For the next 21 days, send a thank you to someone. It can be face-to-face, a phone call, an email, via social media, whatever. Just thank someone for something they’ve done for you. So, in addition to thanking people in my life face-to-face, I’m actually going to do this one on my blog too…I thought about it, and worried that it would be annoying to some of you, but hell, I’m doing it anyway. Starting on June 21st, I am going to write a short post every day thanking someone in the online space for inspiring me. I think I shall call it 21 Days of Praise. #21daysofpraise HASHTAAAAAG

I think you should do it too. How could this be a bad thing? It could be the happiest-making event ever! Can you imagine how you would feel to be on the receiving end of such a gift? Amazing! Adored! Loved beyond all means! I’m possibly going over the top.

I hope some of you will consider sharing praise to the people that inspire you too. Maybe we can do a link-up or something. I have absolutely no idea how to do that, but yeah, 21 Days of Praise. Let’s spread the happy, peeps.

Mindful Monday: Overcoming Pain. Loss, and Grief

by whoorl

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A few weeks ago, I received a comment on this post in regards to my belief that God/the universal life force is inherently good, but you must commit to the practice of seeking that force out. Here it is:

I have always really wanted to believe that there are forces in the universe that are beyond our understanding, but never beyond our faith. I want to see signs in the universe that point us all towards the good. However, I just can’t believe any of it.

My brother, the kindest human and best father I know, has been going through a terrible divorce. He has spent the last ten years sleeping in a gardening shed in his own backyard (his wife could not stand having him in the bedroom), and for years his wife only spoke to him when she demanded that he give her more money. He told his wife he wanted a divorce, so she threw my brother out of his own home. She has kept his children from him, slandered him to his employer, and waged a campaign of hatred and anger against my brother that has spread to the children’s school. I asked for the universe–or whoever may be out there–to show my brother kindness and compassion, to not let him be destroyed and left with nothing. Today was his divorce trial, and he found out that he gets no money from his house, he has to pay thousands a month in alimony, and he will only see his kids two days a week, regardless of the fact that his children have told him time and time again that they want to live with him and not their mother.

I am sorry, but there is no god or being or spirit or anything at all in this or any other universe that would allow this to happen to such a hardworking, kind, and loving person. Not only was I shown that my prayers and good thoughts will under no circumstances be answered, but I was also shown that being kind and compassionate means absolutely nothing. It’s the cruelest among us who benefit the most, as they stop at nothing to hurt and destroy the good.

I am sorry for being so emotional and forceful about this, but I just can’t see how anyone can believe in “good forces” being at work.

First off, I absolutely understand feeling incredibly emotional and forceful in regards to this situation, so no apologies are needed. This comment just breaks my heart. For the pain that this woman and her brother are experiencing, but also because I can feel her heart closing up. It’s hard to read those last two paragraphs – to truly feel that being kind and compassionate means absolutely nothing in this world has to feel utterly hopeless.

I have come to believe that we don’t have much (if any) control over the events that happen to us, but I do believe that we can reframe the way we see those events. Craptastic stuff happens to all of us, but we CAN choose to see the light in dark situations. We CAN choose love over hate and hope over despair.

I am so blessed to have a cousin who is a living embodiment of the above paragraph. Over the course of four years, my cousin Collie went through a painful divorce, lost his only sibling (my beautiful cousin Lauren at the tender age of 26), and then lost his little girl, Maddie.

Stop. Just take a moment to fully absorb what I just wrote. Can you even imagine dealing with that level of grief?

After reading the above comment, I knew that I wanted Collie to share his story with you all, and I am thrilled that he agreed. His outlook on life despite tremendous, seemingly unsurmountable hurdles is a true testament to the power of love and hope, and a beautiful lesson for us all. Thank you, Collie, for sharing part of yourself with us.

May 14, 2014

My life ended on a golf course on a sunny southern California Saturday afternoon in January three years ago.  The last thing I heard was the ping my phone makes when a new text arrives.

“Something is wrong with Maddie.  She’s slurring her words and is having problems walking.  I’m taking her to the ER.  Meet me there.”

Maddie was my five year old daughter.  The text was from my ex-wife.  A quick Google search while my friends sped me away did not reveal a single reassuring explanation.

The next morning, in a small room at Children’s Hospital of Orange County, I learned that my little girl was going to die.  An inoperable and malignant brain tumor was growing at the base of her brain stem.  Modern medicine could at best slow its growth, but it would provide no happy ending.

Less than two months later, on March 13, 2011, Maddie’s mom and I kissed our little girl goodnight for the last time.  Moments after we thanked her for letting us be her mommy and daddy and told her we would be ok, she became an angel.

In the preceding four years, my sister and only sibling died unexpectedly from a post-operative infection, I went through a painful divorce, and my career stagnated.  I had just turned forty.  As I curled into a ball and sobbed in my mother’s lap while Maddie’s little body was taken away, it was impossible to even imagine a way out of this ruined existence.

What do you do the day after your only child dies?  How do you get out of bed the next morning when your whole world has ended?

I’ve spent the last thirty-eight months trying to answer those questions and suspect that I will continue to face them every day I have left on this earth.

This is what I have learned so far.  This is how I have survived.

Instinctively, I realized that I had a decision to make.  I could, very understandably, allow grief to be my constant companion and the marker for every experience that followed.  Or I could try to overcome it.

I chose the latter.

The first thing I knew I had to do it was to honestly face what had just happened to me.  I promised myself that I would cry every tear that needed to be shed, unashamedly and unabashedly, for as long as those tears needed to flow.  There may be honor in stoicism, but there’s no relief.  I also believed that if I was going to truly confront my loss, I needed to speak the words that encompassed the entirety of that emotion.  My daughter didn’t “pass away” or “cross over”; she died.  For me – and I speak only for myself here – I needed to use that harsh word, with all of its abrupt and brutal finality, in place of the euphemisms we construct to soften our experience.

At the same time, I chose to never forget the absolute wonder of my daughter, her life, and the developing and ongoing lives of her friends.  I didn’t want her name to be the proverbial record scratch on any conversation, so I took every opportunity to tell stories about Maddie, just as any parent would do.  I had loved children since my sister was born and treasured being a father.  I didn’t want that part of me to die, so as painful as it was, I forced myself to go to her school and all the other special places we shared, the hardest of which was Disneyland.  I also made an active decision to see her friends.  Over time, to my surprise and relief, I grew to love running into them at Costco or seeing their pictures on Facebook. I adore seeing them grow. It’s astounding to me that Maddie would be turning nine next month and it breaks my heart to know she never saw her sixth birthday, but watching her Kindergarten classmates become young men and women is the closest I will ever come to seeing her achieve those same heights.  I choose to enjoy that.

I also opened myself to exploring other avenues to healing, even if they fell outside of my comfort zone.  When Maddie was sick, I watched her go through some experiences that defied all rational explanation.  Her dreams, her ability to understand what was happening to her even though we chose not to fully explain the ramifications of her diagnosis, and, perhaps most of all, her sublimity as her body failed her. Each of these led me to believe that there really is more to this world than we can feel and touch.  I grew up going to church and consider myself a person of faith, but this was a new experience.  It showed me the fullness of spiritual concepts that, in my mind, are diminished when limited simply to the ideas of heaven and hell.

Part of that process was being introduced to meditation and energy work.  Now, I am a Texas boy, the child of several generations of straight thinking, God-fearing people.  I am not naturally inclined to any of this California fruits and nuts hokum.  During Maddie’s illness and after her death, however, I began to develop myriad physical problems ranging from debilitating plantar fasciitis in both feet to an excruciatingly painful case of golfer’s elbow in my non-dominant arm.  I initially explained these away to being active and getting old, but after months of rest and unsuccessful physical therapy, my wife (then girlfriend) suggested I see her accupuncturist.  Through her, I learned how many of our physical ailments can be traced to mental and emotional issues.  My feet reflected the loss of stability I had experienced in the wake of a painful divorce.  The right elbow is part of the heart meridian, and the pain there reflected my grief over my daughter.  Treating those areas and those emotions finally healed these and other physical problems.  I’ve found similar benefits from Reiki and other types of energy healing.  I’m still not sure if I believe in it, and I certainly don’t understand it, but I figure either one of two things (and maybe both) is true:  it’s real or it shows the incredible healing power of our own minds.  Regardless of the answer, it was transformative and accomplished what traditional medicine alone was wholly unable to achieve.

In the end, I grew to believe that we possess significant control over our own happiness and or own health if we are willing to honestly face our own pain, commit ourselves to seeking health, and being open to whatever path leads us there.  Life sucks sometimes.  It knocks you down, steals your lunch money, and rips your favorite shirt.  You have to get up.  You CAN get up.  You possess within yourself greater reserves of strength than you can even imagine.

My path back to happiness and health was not a direct route.  Far from it.  Today, I am married to the woman of my dreams, and we have two beautiful, perfect, healthy little boys.  My career has revived and, at forty-three, I can genuinely say that I am happier and healthier than I ever have been in my life.  Yet there are still days when I am reduced to a blubbery mess of tears.  But I took that first, frightened step toward health the morning after Maddie died.  As I lay there, contemplating everything that I was facing, I knew pain and fear was there and it wasn’t going to go away any time soon.  I had to start small.  I made a promise to myself that I would find one thing from that day that was good and give thanks for it.  I knew I had to find room in my heart for the good, even if it was just to acknowledge a pretty cloud or uncommonly light traffic on the way to work.  As the months passed, it became easier and easier to see all the beauty that this world holds, even in the midst of all its horror. Each of our lives hangs in the balance between the terrible and the sublime, and the only protection we have is to stubbornly look toward the sublime.

We all cry out for miracles.  Countless times, I got on my hands and knees and prayed that Maddie would somehow become the first child ever to survive DIPG.  That miracle didn’t come.  But even though we don’t always get the miracles we ask for, miracles are all around us.  My daughter died, but the last two months of her life were filled with joy.  She never suffered any pain worse than a minor headache, and she passed away peacefully several days after slipping into a coma.  Those are miracles.  In the wake of her death, thousands of people around the world generously donated money to fund the construction of a new facility at the Ocean Institute in Dana Point which bears her name and that will educate thousands of children over the next several decades.  That, too, was a miracle.  And I am, for all my pain, a better man, a better husband, and a better father because of that little girl.  She was my miracle.

The pain of losing my daughter will never go away and will never diminish.  I have a dark hole in me that I can never fill.

And that’s ok.  I’ve learned that recovery does not mean eliminating that hole.  The best I can do – what I strive for – is to plant beautiful flowers around the rim of that hole and to keep expanding that circle until the field of my life is a patchwork of beauty, sown of hard work, hopeful remembrance, and love.  I’m getting there.

Mindful Monday: The Open Secret

by whoorl

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Happy Monday! How was your weekend? It was a good one over here with Mother’s Day and all – Wita kept screaming “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM!” to me in public spaces all day. (I appreciate her holiday fervor, even though my birthday is in November.) It was a gorgeous day, and my husband even managed to snap this Mother’s Day photo. All three of us looking in the direction of the camera and smiling? Now, that’s a miracle.

On Saturday, I did a little reading, and happened upon the most eye-opening passage in Broken Open. I thought about how I would draw from it in a blog post, but quickly realized it was too perfect to paraphrase. Have a look.

“One of the greatest enigmas of human behavior is the way we isolate ourselves from each other. In our misguided perception of separation, we assume that others are not sharing a similar experience of life. We imagine that we are unique in our eccentricities or failures or longings. And so we try to appear as happy and consistent as we think others are, and we feel shame when we stumble and fall. When difficulties come our way, we don’t readily seek out help and compassion because we think others might not understand, or would judge us harshly or take advantage of our weakness. And so we hide out, and we miss out.

Just like you, I can be a jerk sometimes. I do unkind, cowardly things, harbor unmerciful thoughts, and mope around when I should be doing something constructive. Just like you, I wonder if life has meaning; I worry and fret over things I can’t control; and I often feel overcome with a longing for something that I cannot even name. For all of my strengths and gifts, I am also a vulnerable and insecure person, in need of connection and reassurance. This is the secret I try to keep from you, and you from me, and in doing so we do each other a grave disservice. Rumi tells us that moment we accept what troubles we’ve been given, the door will open. Sounds easy, sounds attractive, but it is difficult, and most of us pound on the door to freedom and happiness with every manipulative ploy save the one that actually works. If you’re interested in opening the door to the heavens, start with the door to your own secret self. See what happens when you offer to another a glimpse of who you really are. Start slowly. Without getting dramatic, share the simple dignity of yourself in each moment—your triumphs and your failures, your satisfaction and your sorrow. Face your embarrassment at being human, and you’ll uncover a deep well of passion and compassion. It’s a great power, your Open Secret. When your heart is undefended, you make it safe for whomever you meet to put down his burden of hiding, and then you both can walk through the open door.”  – Elizabeth Lesser

I can confidently say that opening up about my struggles in this space has been one of the best things I’ve ever done. I feel a deeper connection to so many of you, and honestly, I feel more connected to this blog than I have for years. It’s simple, really. When it comes down to it, we all have different circumstances, but the resulting core feelings from our circumstances are shared by all of us. We’ve all felt fear and hopelessness and longing at some point. It’s what makes us human. It is our core connection.

If you sometimes feel devoid of real, true connections, would it be so scary to let your guard down a little bit in your day-to-day interactions?  Just a little bit – I’m not saying you need to break down in hysterics to a coworker over an unfulfilled longing or anything (WHHYYYYYYYY GOD WHHYYYYYYY), but like Elizabeth said, just share the simple dignity of yourself in the moment. It would be an interesting little experiment…take off your “everything’s perfectly fine!” mask for a bit and open your heart to someone. I suspect you’ll find others are feeling the same way, and watch what happens. Maybe you can try it this week, and if face-to-face seems too daunting at first, you can start here. You know I’ll be rooting you on.

Mindful Monday: Be Willing

by whoorl

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Last week, I got some disappointing news. The latest Lyme test results came back showing the worst numbers yet – this after plowing through the past few months on three simultaneous high-powered antibiotics. I can’t even begin to tell you how this news made me feel. Disappointed, angry, fearful, sad, but most of all, hopeless.

I’ve physically felt crummy this entire week. And why shouldn’t I? We’ve talked about this before – the way our thoughts shape our reality…how our fears and anger and resentment can physically make us feel worse. These are the times when we truly must be willing to look at the bigger picture – to realize that God has our back, and our job is to enjoy the moments we have right this very minute. To be willing to see all of the wonderful right in front of our eyes, even during struggle. That is the practice, you guys. To be willing. To accept the gifts and signs that the universe puts in front of us every minute of the day.

Yesterday, I spoke at a luncheon about the business of blogging and speaking your truth. The weekend leading up to it wasn’t super great – like I said, I was tired and defeated and in pain. I woke up yesterday morning and asked myself how I was going to get up in front of a roomful of women with grace and enthusiasm. I was in the midst of a giant pity party in my bed when D walked in with a package. It was in Saturday’s mail, and when I opened it, everything changed in the moment.

It was a necklace custom-made by Melissa de la Fuente that I had ordered a few weeks prior. A gold triangle with three dots representing the intersection of the mind, body, and spirit, and three arrows (representing my husband and kids) pointing upward to remind me to never give up and forge forward with joy, gratitude, and the willingness to see all the good being offered up to me. It couldn’t have arrived at a more perfect time.

I proudly wore the necklace yesterday during my talk, and I’d like to think I did it with the grace and enthusiasm I had hoped to convey to everyone in the room. Although I’m not sure “graceful” would be the adjective used to describe the photo I chose to use during my introduction.

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When speaking to a roomful of people, some might introduce themselves with a professional headshot. I, however, chose a selfie from the morning I woke up with bed head reminiscent of the flying nun. I woke up with that hairstyle, people. TALK ABOUT AN AWESOME MIRACLE.

It was a wonderful day spent with old and new friends, and I enjoyed every minute of it. So I ask you – would you be willing to see the good in today and tomorrow and the next? Because it’s right there waiting for you.

Mindful Monday: God Was On My iPhone

by whoorl

The question is, “Are you spiritual or are you not?” The truth is you are. The reality is you don’t believe it. – Yogi Bhajan

How does a person start on a path to spiritual enlightenment and awareness?

OH NO SHE DIDN’T.

Yes, yes I did. I just put that question out there.

But relax – this is not over-the-top woo woo, I swear. I think we see the words “spiritual” and “enlightenment” and immediately think of white robes and chanting and monasteries, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

My answer to that question? I would imagine it’s different for everyone, but I do think the search for an awareness of something bigger than us arises out of a certain level of suffering, don’t you? I mean, you hear it time and time again, people saying that their most difficult, darkest, and challenging times ended up being the catalyst for a much richer, fuller, and happier life.

And it makes sense, right? When you’re not suffering, you pleasantly continue going through the motions of life. Good days, bad days, lots of first world problems (OMG I spent THREE HOURS at the Genius Bar this morning), so you know, why look deeper? Everything is fine! I like life. (Kind of.) I like my job. (Kind of.) I like me. (Kind of.) It’s all good. (Kind of.) And then, BAM. Something happens that rattles you to the core, and the mind starts up with those damn thoughts. “Why is this happening? What is going on? Why do I deserve this? I must not be a good person. What does it all mean? I’m so scared. What does it all meeeaaaaan?”

(Oh, that’s just me? Huh.)

Well, that’s how it started with me. I explained of lot of what was going on here, so I won’t bore you with the details again, but in a nutshell, the shit was hitting the fan. However, during this time, I kept experiencing these (very rare) fleeting moments of quiet when my intuition would speak to me, telling me to press on with my budding “investigation” of how our thoughts could shape our reality. To push beyond my current grasp of what I thought this world was all about, and see where it led.

Now, let me tell you what. There were several times, standing at Barnes & Noble, immersed in my own self-help bender, when I asked myself, “Why? Why open myself up to all of these theories and ideas and self-worth crap and Super Soul Sunday episodes – it’s just SO EXHAUSTING. It would be so much easier to squeeze my eyes shut and go on with life as I know it.”

It’s like I knew that making the conscious decision to open my mind to the possibilities of God (the universe/life force/prana/love/whatever you want to call it) was making a declaration to a lifelong commitment of learning. And let’s face it, that sure seemed like a lot of work. I mean, can’t we just go shoe shopping and call it a day?

At that point, I wasn’t sure what I believed in. I wanted to believe in something bigger than us, but how vague can you get? Vague-o-rama. And me? I like black and white. I like concrete, tangible facts. So I picked up the book, E Squared: Nine Do-It-Yourself Energy Experiments That Prove Your Thoughts Create Your Reality. I figured, hey, I like science. I like experiments. Let’s do this thing. I decided to try Experiment #1, and told myself that if it rocked my world, I would never question or turn away from this path. Hoo boy, talk about making a promise.

The premise of Experiment #1 was very simple. You were to ask God (or the energetic life force around us – again, whatever you want to call it) to show itself to you through an unexpected blessing or gift within 48 hours. Something that couldn’t be written off as a coincidence – just a completely unexpected blessing that would prove an invisible energy force is available to us. All I had to do was make the intention, write it on a piece of paper, and put aside all skepticism for the next two days. Expect it with my whole heart. With every ounce of my soul. (That’s the crucial part – you must believe with every fiber of your being.)

So I did it. I wrote down my intention to receive a blessing. I expected a sign.

Within 30 minutes, D called me from work to tell me that we had unexpectedly received $3,000. Long story short, our refrigerator was a lemon and leaked underneath our wood floors, causing all sorts of damage.  Unbeknownst to us, the appliance repairman had submitted a claim, and the insurance company agreed to fix all the damage done to our cabinetry and floors. Hello, unexpected blessing.

Here’s the best (worst) part, though. Although I was so happy to hear the news, I questioned if that was actually my “blessing.” YOU GUYS, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? There I stood, with the completely surprising knowledge of all this extra money coming our way, and I was like, “Hmmm, I just don’t know if that’s it.” Seriously, I know. Sometimes, I want to smack myself upside the head. And I felt horrible about it! I mean, look at this great situation, and I’m totally questioning it. What kind of a believer am I? Get with the program, Sarah.

The issue was that deep down, I truly believed that a deeply personal, take-my-breath-away moment was coming my way. I expected it. With my heart and soul.

Well, I got it.

The next morning, upon waking, I did what I always do. I rolled over, picked up my iPhone, and looked at the screen. (Obviously, I have a long way to go in regards to enlightenment considering that’s the first thing I do in the morning!) There was a notification on my lock screen – I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, put on my glasses, and read it.

“Keep up the good work.”

That’s all it said. And once I swiped to unlock the screen, it was gone. I figured someone had texted me, or maybe it was a message via Facebook, or something along those lines so I sat up and tried to figure out the source. Except I couldn’t find it. You guys, I spent over an hour trying to find the source of that message. I scoured my notifications, checked all my apps, texts, I even googled for quite some time. Nothing. And I was dead set on finding the source. To prove that it couldn’t possibly be a message from…I don’t know, the life force I’d been seeking?

I never found the source. But I know where it came from, and I believe it wholeheartedly.

Call me crazy, but this whole lifelong spiritual journey thing? I’m fully committed. I mean, I can’t turn back now. GOD WAS ON MY IPHONE, PEOPLE. Feel free to back away slowly.

I invite you to try out the experiment for yourself. What do you have to lose? Just see what happens! I’ve even made a little intention sheet for you to fill out. (You know how much I love organization and lists.)

Do share your experiences!

Mindful Monday: Be The Lighthouse

by whoorl

I hope to make Mondays a time when I can write about what I’m reading, learning and experiencing in regards to spirituality and mindfulness. There’s much to discuss.

For the majority of my life, I didn’t really think much about spirituality. It’s not that I pushed it away, but just was consumed with the day-to-day grind. Last year, when I started feeling physically and emotionally unwell, I picked the book Mind Over Medicine by Lissa Rankin. I really credit that book with starting me on my journey. The book itself wasn’t super spiritual in nature, but it got the ball rolling, so to speak. I was fascinated by the notion that our minds and thoughts could make us physically ill, and I started wondering about our mind and thoughts in general. What are thoughts anyway? (Just thoughts.) And could something as simple as a thought truly change the way we perceive the world around us? (Hell yes.) And if that’s true, could we create the life we want by becoming more aware of our self-limiting thoughts and beliefs and making positive change through affirmations, mindfulness, and awareness? (Yep. But MAN it’s a constant practice.)

At some point, I just opened my heart to the possibilities of the universe. I pretty much declared that I was ready to receive what was out there for me – I was ready and willing to learn and most importantly, do my part to share with others. (Pre-2013 Sarah would be aghast at this woo-woo development.) And, you guys, that’s when things just started unfolding right in front of my eyes. Books, emails, quotes, random conversations…it was like the answers I had been searching for were all falling into my lap. Now, were these things always out there, right in my line of sight? Probably, but my narrow-minded scope of reality wasn’t allowing me to see.

So. I was taking it all in. Reading the books, attending the workshops, meeting with different practitioners in the fields of energy medicine, hypnotherapy, and holistic healing – really not knowing exactly what it would lead to, but just coming from a place of yes and checking it all out. Some of it was just plain over-the-top (um, hello, angelic clairvoyant healing), but most of it was very eye-opening. I was learning new ways of thinking and living that were definitely helping and healing me, but I wasn’t sure if that was supposed to be the end point. How could I help others with this information? Should I blog about it?

This past Saturday, I attended Gabby Bernstein’s Miracles Now book launch in LA. I’m a fan of Gabrielle’s for many reasons, but mainly because she’s a student of A Course in Miracles, and does a great job breaking down the lessons into manageable tools to apply to your daily life. (Have you read A Course? It’s no easy task.) The evening was a Kundalini yoga workshop followed with some Q&A, and she shared lots of advice from her book.

One thing she mentioned was to let the book guide you – when you have a question, just open the book to a random page and let it speak to you. As you can guess, I’m down with this kind of method – staying open to all possibilities. As I mentioned above, I’ve felt a little strange about my role in all of this in regards to this blog. Do I write about what I’ve learned? Will I turn people away? Will you think I’m cuckoo? Maybe. So I thought about all of this, and opened the book. This is what I saw.

bethelighthouse

Be the lighthouse. That’s it. My role is to be a lighthouse for someone. So, I will be here, hoping to share love and light with you guys, with the hopes of speaking to your heart. Even if it’s one person, I’m so good with that.

I am not the victim. I am the lighthouse.

Since writing about my struggles, I’ve had a lot of people reach out about their personal challenges, and one thing comes up again and again.

“Do/did you ever get a little angry that most of the people around you are just living their life well and any way they please?”

I think anyone who is dealing with pain – whether it be emotional or physical, has asked this question. I know I have – in fact, last fall and winter, when I was really feeling like complete crap, I found myself asking that question over and over. Every afternoon, I would sit in my car in Wito’s school pickup line and watch all the moms congregate and chat. They all looked healthy and happy, and I would feel so angry and upset that I was in so much pain. Why the anxiety and physical discomfort? Why me, God? What did I do to deserve this struggle? Everyone else looks SO HAPPY. It’s not fair. It’s simply not fair.

Wow. SOMEONE was playing the victim card big time. Wowza.

I have two things to say about this.

First off, we are ALL struggling. Most of those moms I watched in the parking lot? They are fighting a battle too. And they might have been looking at me thinking the same thing I thought about them. I know lots of you mentioned that you thought my life was just peachy keen, not knowing that I had been struggling so much. We all struggle. Keep that in mind in your day-to-day interactions.

Secondly, playing the victim, whether outwardly or just in your head, is no way to live. I promise you. Feeling self-pity due to an illness or being wronged or a shitty childhood or a specific trauma DOES NOT SERVE YOU. At all. Not a bit. Holding onto negativity and stewing in resentment is slowly killing you. It’s not helping you at all. It’s not making things better or right or punishing the person or thing that hurt you. You are just hurting yourself. You are. Yes, you are causing your own pain. Right now. Big time.

As Queen Elsa would say, LET IT GO. Let it go, peeps.

Oh, I know what you’re thinking. “Sure, Sarah. I’ll just let decades of resentment release right now. Oh, it’s gone! Look at it floating away! I’m freeeeeeeeee as a biiiirrrrd. I’m totally cool with cancer/being raped/emotional abuse!” *huge eye roll*

It’s not easy. In fact, it might the be the biggest challenge you’ll ever face, but you can change the way you view your circumstances. You are not your thoughts. You are not your thoughts. You are a radiant, energy-filled, intuitive, happy being that is currently being controlled by your negative thoughts. Your bitterness, anxiety, sadness, fear etc…it’s all a loop, circling in your brain, not allowing you to see what’s really in front of you.

What if you make the choice to see things differently? What if you could start to see the separation between your true self and your thoughts? How do you this? Well, you seek out help. Whether it be a doctor or a therapist or a spiritual leader or a book or a friend. You reach out, make a connection, and start your journey.

When I am feeling stuck in fear and victimhood, I address it in several different ways.

1. Practice gratitude. (“Uggggghhhh, I’m so sick of hearing about gratitude.” Hey, I hear you over there.) Do you know why people keep telling you to practice gratitude? Because it works. And it’s cumulative, I promise you. It slowly changes your mental framework over time. Every day, think of what you have. Are you sitting in a structure that is providing you shelter? Pretty cool. Are you reading this on a laptop? Kind of amazing. Is there one person in the world who loves and cares for you? You’ve hit the jackpot. More than one person? You are such a blessed individual. Truly. Be thankful, but most of all, be thankful that you are on this planet. You were given a life. A LIFE. To live. Happily.

2. Practice meditation. (You don’t need to be all buddha on the mountaintop with this. 5-10 minutes a day. Hey, 1 minute is better than nothing.) You know, it’s sad, but most people will never be able to separate their thoughts from true inner self. They will live their entire lives in their head, letting their thoughts run the show. I will address this phenomenon of your “inner roommate” soon (because it’s fascinating to me), but the gist is – if you were to imagine that all of your thoughts were being said to you by an external person, you would think that person was CRAZY. Seriously, you would be running for the hills, screaming. So WHY do you give those thoughts the time of day when they pass through your brain? Why do you engage them and let them take over? Maybe because, I don’t know…it’s always been that way?  Well, it doesn’t have to be. By quieting your mind and being still, you will start to witness your own thoughts, and learn to not engage them and let them pass right through. A thought is just that. A thought. It’s not a fact. It’s not true. I think Headspace is the best way for beginners to start meditating. I wrote about it here.

3. Practice being the lighthouse. Use your circumstances to help others. I feel my happiest when I’m doing something of service. When I receive a comment, email or hug after writing a post like this, it feels me with elation that someone relates to what I’m saying, and that it might helpful. I want to help, and I think we all want to help and love each other. The world needs you to be a lighthouse. Reach out to a friend or a stranger. Spread your love.

4. Practice affirmations. You can counteract all of that negative self-talk with positive affirmations. Tell your brain what’s up. You create your reality. Louise Hay is the master of affirmations, and I highly recommend her books, The Power is Within You and 21 Days to Master Affirmations.

5. Practice opening your mind to new ways of thinking. Read a book. Look at this list. And this one. Don’t think too much, just pick a book, and go with it. It might be exactly what you need. It’s funny how the universe just works that way sometimes.

6. Practice kindness to others AND yourself. This is a lifelong journey we’re on – learning the entire way. We all make mistakes, and sometimes our mistakes are our greatest teachers. I still berate myself over my shortcomings (A common one is “why am I still allowing myself to focus on the fearful thoughts? I know that I am causing my own pain, but I can’t stop, therefore I must be a bad person and not worthy.” RINSE AND REPEAT.), but the truth of the matter is that I am growing and succeeding every day. Just stepping back and noticing my thought patterns is a step in the right direction. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Keep your chin up. Focus on the here and now, and the fact that you are growing as a kinder, wiser, more empathetic person every day.

Most importantly, there is one common thread in all of the above tips. Practice. Practice, practice, practice. Like anything else, you will not see any benefits if you don’t practice regularly. You can’t read a book, nod your head in agreement, and go right back to your old habits. You have to forge forward with your new knowledge and utilize it every day. Trust me, I struggle. We all have bad days. The physical pain thing still gets me all worked up, but when it does, I make the conscious decision to practice one of the above 6 things. You’ve just got to commit.

Make the commitment. This is it, you guys. Make it happen. I’ll be here to support you every step of the way.