Nice To Meet You, I’m Your Wife

My husband has morphed into a new person when it comes to eating.

Have I told you that D is a vegetarian? Going on 13 years now…no meat, pork or chicken. It’s pretty impressive, considering he grew up in a major red-meat-eating state. I’m not a vegetarian, but I probably eat less meat than most due to the fact that we eat the same dinner almost every night.

I have to admit, when the weather gets a little cooler, I secretly wish I could make yummy pot roast and all things crock pot. We have one, but it has been gathering dust since we received it as a gift two years ago.

My wish may come true very soon.

One night while in Cabo, my family decided to cook steaks out by the pool. I, of course, wasn’t part of this lovely dinner. No, I was stuck inside while E. Coli bacteria shot out of my ass and mouth simultaneously. Good times.

When Dustin checked on me in my personal temple of doom, he told me he was thinking about trying some steak. “EXCUSE ME? Did I hear you right or has the dehydration caused me to hallucinate? You want to eat STEAK? The bloody carcass of a cow? That gave you such digestive problems? Huh?”

He told me yes and disappeared into the mexican night. Of course, I had nothing better to do than over-analyze this sudden change of behavior while sitting on the pot.

Possible causes:
1) He is now a father, and fathers eat beef ’cause they’re manly men.
2) Since his wife was spewing all day, he figured he could make himself ill and spend some quality time together in the john.
3) He was feeling left out considering my family LOVES the beefs.
4) This is the start of early-onset dementia.

I don’t know what it was, but he came into the room after dinner, plopped on the bed and described in vivid detail how amazing his palm-sized steak (PALM-SIZED! NOT JUST ONE BITE! LIKE 6 OR 7 BITES!) was.

And no gastric distress was involved. I was forced to cry in the temple of doom all by myself.

Last night, we ordered pizza and a salad from CPK. I did my normal ordering, pepperoni for me, cheese for him, salad with the bacon on the side, blahblahblah. As I sat on the couch eating my salad, D sauntered in with a handful of bacon- just munching away. And then, for the kicker, he ate a piece of pepperoni pizza.

Let’s tally this up- steak, bacon AND pepperoni in less than two weeks. And we’re planning on a Rachael Ray Bacon Wrapped Tenderloin soon.

Anybody got any non-vegetarian crock pot recipes?

  1. bishOp stu tu

    November 21, 2006 at 4:05 pm

    Let’s celebrate and buy some cattle….D would make a damn fine rancher. oil, land, cattle…and fine, hand-crafted leather goods.

    da bishOp is mighty prOUd!

  2. Leah

    November 21, 2006 at 4:51 pm

    Bacon = gateway meat.

  3. Torrie

    November 21, 2006 at 8:15 pm

    Sad to hear we lost a member of our team.

  4. Diana

    November 21, 2006 at 8:56 pm

    Fish are human too, ya know. He wasn’t a vegetarian before anyhow (neither am I, but it hurts).

  5. metalia

    November 21, 2006 at 6:53 pm

    If you’re doing anything with a crock pot, I’d definitely suggest buying these:

    Disposable crock pot liners; they alleviate the temptation to just throw out the entire crock pot and buy a new one instead of cleaning it :)

  6. Amy

    November 22, 2006 at 6:49 am

    I think I’m balancing out the scale. I cooked my turkey on Monday (I have no relatives coming and it was a free bird.) Just doing that about grossed me out. Then a co-worker suggested I make soup by boiling the carcass and letting the bits of meat fall off. After picking bones out of the broth for an hour I’m officially too grossed out to ever actually eat the soup. I might never eat meat again. Well, until someone cooks me some steak.

  7. cocodrie

    November 22, 2006 at 9:33 am

    i knew it was only a matter of time before he came over to the dark side!

  8. Darren

    November 22, 2006 at 9:19 am

    Awesome! D, welcome to the real world. I mean, how can you NOT eat meat? It’s delicious!

    I just got us a crockpot from Target (stainless steel job for $30 — can’t beat it!), and you better believe we’re filling that mo-fo with some meat!

  9. Bethany Coffey

    November 22, 2006 at 7:55 pm

    Awe-some! I tried the veggie thing (mostly due to my veggie boyfriend at the time) for awhile. I totally cheated though. I found myself drooling in the meat isle at the supermarket so anytime we were at a party where a buffet or snacks were provided, i’d totally grab a handfull of lil wieners or pepperonies and stealthly pop em. So does he have any guilt yet. I can’t believe he didn’t have any bowel erruptions.

  10. s@bd

    November 22, 2006 at 8:04 pm

    what I love is that he’s not even remotely gradually entering the world of meat. I mean, a little bit of white fish, I could understand. Perhaps a chicken breast.

    Steak, followed by pork and more pork?!

  11. dana

    November 22, 2006 at 7:04 pm

    Good for him! And for you too! I was a vegetarian once upon a time, and filet mignon turned the tables for me…

  12. nila

    November 22, 2006 at 10:43 pm

    Mmmmmmm, steak.

    Here’s one of my favorite recipes. You take beef, I’m not good at this because we don’t eat a lot of red meat, but some type of roast. Chuck roast, or whatever it’s called, then you take a jar of peppercinni peppers, packet of dry italian dressing. Throw it all in there, peppercinnis and all. Sit back and enjoy the smells. It’s so good. There’s no way to mess this up. The meat shreds nicely and in a hoagie roll, it makes a great sandwich. Even better leftovers.

  13. kate

    November 23, 2006 at 8:10 am

    ok…this post made me feel a little less guilty about the chicken
    morsels i recently ate after being vegetarian for the last 6 years!!
    i don’t know- i started craving it just a little and then i even blamed it on my blood type….. type O are supposedly the oldest carnivores or something. blood types ….such a funny thing. i have to say though my vegetarian husband definitely is not a fan of chicken morsels even being in his house! so i doubt he will accompany me
    to turners new zealand for an organic grass fed steak! oh the

  14. Jen W.

    November 24, 2006 at 5:37 pm

    WOW. I can’t believe he didn’t get sick from eating a whole steak after no red meat for so long. All the better though…cow carasses are gooooood.

  15. Sarcomical

    November 27, 2006 at 2:17 pm

    oh honey.


    i was red meatless for a few years, and then i had a filet that made me want to cry.