I recently listened to the most fascinating talk by Dr. Joan Borysenko (a powerhouse with three post-doctoral Harvard fellowships in cell biology, behavioral medicine, and psychoneuroimmunology…um, she’s just kind of smart) on the subject of resilience.
What is resilience? Well, the dictionary says it’s “the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.” I like to think of it as getting hit and getting back up again, but also becoming a wiser person in the process. I think most of us can relate to the concept of resilience, as we all have our own struggles, whether they be health, relationships, past traumas, toxic friendships, etc. Dr. Borysenko’s research is incredibly enlightening, and her tips on becoming more resilient are simple, yet tremendously helpful. (We like simple, right?)
(For the record, I can’t stop misspelling
resileince resilance resilience. Every. Time. GAH.)
First off, let’s look at what happens when you experience a difficulty.
1. You experience a separation from life as you know it. Something happens, and suddenly, your life has changed from the way it used to be. Now, there is definitely a sliding scale ranging from “my life as I know it is OVER” to something much less severe. The specifics don’t really matter, though.
2. You are stuck in the space between the “no longer” and the “not yet,” which means you can’t go back to what was. It’s gone. Um, this is usually a very squirmy, uncomfortable time. (Yoo-hoo! Waving to you from it right now!)
3. You return to life on the other side a much deeper, wiser person.
#2 can happen multiple times in a lifetime, and take a very long time to process. In fact, I would wager that many of you are in #2 right now. (Heh, potty humor. I can’t help myself.) And the sad thing is that, unfortunately, some folks never get to #3. And that is where resilience comes into play.
Dr. Borysenko has studied resilience for years, and the studies she cites prove that resilient people share some similar traits.
So, what makes people resilient?
1. Resilient people are realists, not optimists. This one totally surprised me, but when thinking about it, realists usually have a grasp on the situation on hand and adapt to the changes before them. The problem with blind optimism is that sometimes rose-colored glasses induce a false sense of hope, and guess what, when that hope is dashed, it causes a host of problems inside the mind and body. For instance, hopelessness –> depression –> weakening of the immune system. Blech.
2. Resilient people have faith. Faith in a solution, and definitely not allowing themselves to give into fear.
3. Resilient people are radically creative. They find ways to express themselves and work towards being happy, fulfilled people.
4. Resilient people have support of friends. This one is huge. Isolation is bad, bad, bad. Finding people who truly support you and your growth is paramount.
5. Resilient people have a sense of humor. (Hey, potty humor totally counts.)
Do you possess most of those traits?
Okay, let’s (very briefly) dive into the science of resilience and our brains. I swear I’ll keep it short and non-cricket inducing. Place two fingers on the middle center of your forehead. Run your fingers from the middle to right above your temples. That area right there is your prefrontal cortex, peeps. The basic activity of the prefrontal cortex is considered to be orchestration of thoughts and actions in accordance with internal goals. Yep, and it’s really good at noticing and judging emotions and anxiety. For example, when you are repeatedly thinking something anxiety-inducing and you realize this about yourself (“Hey! I’ve been going in mental what-if circles about tomorrow’s meeting for at least 45 minutes!), that’s your prefrontal cortex.
(Personally, my prefrontal cortex would enjoy a break.)
Now, place your fingers just above the left temple. That part of your prefrontal cortex controls happiness and, you guessed it, resilience.
And guess what? There are very simple exercises that have been scientifically proven to improve the left prefrontal cortex’s ability to increase personal resilience. Dr. Borysenko calls it making a “left shift.”
Are you ready? Let’s hit it.
1. Meditation. 20 minutes/3 times a week. This practice makes physical, concrete changes in the prefrontal cortex, and after just 3 weeks, you will witness a huge shift in resilience. Dr. Borysnko also mentioned that it doesn’t need to be a specific formal meditation, either. Just time to quiet your mind – whether it be through mala beads, yoga, or something like Qi Gong. If the blanketed concept of meditation still scares/annoys/bores you, try doing something that enables you to lose track of time – some people garden, some people do crosswords, some people draw with their kids…whatever floats your boat.
2. Exercise. 30 minutes/5 days a week. This is crucial, and as a side note, I must say that in all of my research on physical and mental healing over the past year, exercise has been the one constant mentioned by every single expert. Exercise is key in improving all aspects of life. Have I done it this year? Barely. Do I want to bonk myself on the top of my head repeatedly over this fact? Yes. Am I starting an exercise regime of brisk walking for 30 minutes a day, 5 times a week? Absolutely. No excuses.
3. Affirmations. The caveat is that they have to mean something to you. You can’t mentally repeat, “I trust the life process” over and over if that particular statement doesn’t ring true for you. Find a slogan or affirmation that fires you up, and say it to yourself all the time, not just when the fear starts to creep in. In the shower, while cooking dinner, while putting on makeup…whenever and wherever. (If you have a Kindle, this is an awesome, no-frills program on mastering affirmations for only $3.)
4. Breathing exercises. All it takes is a simple slow inhale and exhale for 2-3 minutes to calm down the fear circuitry in your brain and release soothing, calming GABA. That’s it. 2-3 minutes.
Four things, you guys. So simple, yet so effective. It’s about to get all
RESILIANT RESILENT RESILIENT up in here, am I right?
lisaJune 9, 2014 at 7:11 am
Love this post! Thank you!!! Ordered my mala beads and I’m gonna purchase the affirmations book on my kindle! Your so amazing thank you for being a lighthouse :-) light and love sent your way!
whoorlJune 9, 2014 at 8:36 am
EmilyJune 9, 2014 at 7:28 am
I’ve found myself thinking about this word–resilience–as well. Great post and thank you for the reminders. I seemed to have lost myself in the past few weeks. Not sure where I am, just kind of floating along.
I may have asked you this before–but have you tried Jazzercise? It’s SO fun and I know that you like to shake your hips in addition to quietly centering yourself. :)
It just so happens to be free all week this week–so maybe you should check it out! Having my workout also be my own personal dance party = lots of lovely endorphins and complete joy for me!
Love Mindful Monday. Thanks for helping me to focus my week!
whoorlJune 9, 2014 at 8:34 am
Thank you, Emily. I’ll check it out!
MeganJune 9, 2014 at 7:49 am
I’d love to listen to the actual talk – is it available online?
whoorlJune 9, 2014 at 8:36 am
It was part of the Hay House World Summit, which ends today. :( I wonder if she has similar talks online – I would google her name and resilience and see what comes up. She is a great speaker!
KatePJune 9, 2014 at 8:26 am
Sarah…Thank you so much for being a lighthouse. I have found in my life that the exact right thing gets put in my path and the exact right moment. You have been a huge part of this the past few months! <3
whoorlJune 9, 2014 at 8:36 am
Love to read that. You’re welcome!
StaceyJune 9, 2014 at 1:44 pm
This is so interesting. I’ve done a lot of research on resilience and some people just have more than others, but I really appreciate the tips you mention for becoming more resilient. And speaking of exercise, I still think of it as a necessary evil, but I need to remember how much better I feel every single time its over:)
Practical MamaJune 9, 2014 at 2:03 pm
Thank you for this post. Interesting enough, I have been focusing on these 4 practices to improve my productivity and focus. I workout 30 minutes every day (I highly recommend P90X3 or T25, great workouts that can be done at home). I try to do #1,3,and 4 all together using audio tracks from iPhone apps or podcasts. I sometimes listen to subliminal audio for health, productivity, procrastination etc at bedtime and fall asleep listening and breathing in corpse pose ;). I also try to pay attention my breathing during the day, sit properly and breathe properly. My work requires me to sit in front of a computer all day. So I really need to do these for other outcomes as well. If it also helps resiliency, bonus points. :)
KristiinaJune 10, 2014 at 6:47 pm
I’ve got exercise and breathing down…it’s the meditation and affirmations I need to work on. I think the affirmation goal is more in my reach than meditation. (I tried to do deepak chopra’s guided meditation a year or two ago, but it didn’t take.). I loved the inexpensive affirmation book recommendation–I’ll be downloading that one, for sure :). Thanks!
AlysaJune 13, 2014 at 6:33 pm
This spoke to me. I am exactly in that between time. My baby was just diagnosed with a rare brain condition a month ago and for the moment, they just say, “Go home and be normal. He’s a normal newborn for now. He will start missing milestones later.” Lovely. We’ve been doing a lot of talk about acceptance and bouncing back. I have definitely let myself slide on exercise and actual relaxation time. I’ve actually started my blog partially to help deal with this new normal. But you’ve given me a good reminder, which I’ll be linking out to today. Thank you.
LynJune 14, 2014 at 3:40 pm
Thank you for putting into words the feelings I have had for the past year. Many times in my 60 years I have been in a position to need the resilience to hold me, but a year ago when a stroke changed my normal I had to dig deep. I am blessed that I have the ability to do most everything, but it takes thought and will. Being strong willed is what I have called it, but resilient is so much more accurate. Now my daughter, from “west of grey” above is having to live through her second born child’s disability with a resilience that no mom should have to. I am thankful she found your blog, check her’s out, it amazes me each time she shares about our little Oliver. We all have our moments of need and have to dig deep to walk on through. Thanks for sharing yours.