How Do New Moms Find Time To Blog?

Seriously. And how are they so damn witty? I can’t seem to find the time to sit and write, and even if I did, my brain is the equivalent of rice pudding.

And I really want to tell you about the funny (funny-peculiar, not funny-haha) things I’ve been doing lately. Like when I thought it would be fun to read a book to Whoorlito, stuck a big colorful page right in his face, and experienced my baby’s first scared-out-of-his-mind freak out.

Note to self- do NOT stick big colorful busy objects in infant’s face. It apparently is very disturbing to infant.

Y’all. A nine-pound being is running my life. I can’t even go to the bathroom without wondering if he is going to fuss while I’m peeing. And he’s not even that fussy! He’s just got a wicked internal radar that alerts him when I start to leave the room. It never fails.

My mother left this morning after helping me for a week and a half. It was so fabulous and helpful and I’m so sad she’s gone because today it’s just me and the super pooper.

SHIT…he DOES have internal radar super powers! Everytime I start writing an entry he wakes up from his nap. Is he emitting a hunger fuss/grunt or is he relieving himself of some mustard custard (thanks Caroline)? Who knows…it’s all a crapshoot around here. Literally.

Wait, he’s back to sleep. Okay, now he’s smiling. Crying now. Face is turning very red. Furrowing his brows. Annnndddd, back to sleep.

What the fuck.

All in all, how could you be mad at this sweet thing?