Haiku #2

Oh, this week was chock full of fun. Enjoy.

ER 1 am
Oh stomach issues, why do
you make my life suck?

After six hours of
CAT scans/ ultrasounds, it’s not

Now I must dabble
in the world of stool samples
I think I might hork

What you are telling
me is that I need to shit
in that plastic cup?

And put it in the
freezer? Should I place it next
to the chicken strips?

My pants are falling
off my hips, this girl needs some
down-home good cooking

Heather B, our phone
conversation was a mere
glimpse at my mania

Am I Bea Arthur?
Sis called me geriatric
while at Bloomingdales

Are these underwear
granny panties? Am I not
bringing sexy back?

Well, her sales pitch worked
I now own the Cadillac
of thongs
, lots of them

I could not decide
amidst the pretty colors
so I bought a lot

Whoa, is that a breeze
on my ass cheeks? Awkward, yo
Husband sure likes them

Mind has certainly
been in the gutter lately
Maybe it’s the thongs?

If you think some blogs
are sellouts, then quit fucking
reading them, simple

The best mascara
is sitting on drugstore shelves
LashExact, trust me

And no, I was not
compensated to say that
Peace be with you

I mentioned before
The Carpenters make me cringe
My personal hell

If I hear one more
Carpenters Christmas song, I
will off myself soon

It’s confession time
I enjoy writing haikus
Have a great weekend!

  1. Rachel

    December 12, 2008 at 6:48 pm

    I’m in my early thirties and had never heard of Hanky Panky thongs either. Then again, I don’t really have, uh, a thong-friendly figure. But it’s good to where to go if that changes!

  2. cartoongoddess

    December 12, 2008 at 7:50 pm

    Sorry to hear about your tummy troubles, but that is one of the funniest haikus I have read in a while.


  3. Courtney

    December 12, 2008 at 10:07 pm

    The haiku’s crack me up. Thongs are comfortable, if a bit breezy. :)

  4. Miss Virginia

    December 13, 2008 at 8:38 am

    I love hanky panky’s. Try the middle rise ones w/ the, um, cotton underpart. You’ll love em!

  5. Angella

    December 13, 2008 at 9:31 am

    LashExact, you say?
    You ARE the queen of products
    And beauty advice

    I have been loving
    But will check it out

    I agree with you
    The Carpernters should be banned
    They’re of the debbil

  6. Carrie

    December 14, 2008 at 6:03 pm

    Your many haikus
    Fun to read, and inspire
    the poet in me