Oh, this week was chock full of fun. Enjoy.
ER 1 am
Oh stomach issues, why do
you make my life suck?
After six hours of
CAT scans/ ultrasounds, it’s not
appendicitis
Now I must dabble
in the world of stool samples
I think I might hork
What you are telling
me is that I need to shit
in that plastic cup?
And put it in the
freezer? Should I place it next
to the chicken strips?
My pants are falling
off my hips, this girl needs some
down-home good cooking
Heather B, our phone
conversation was a mere
glimpse at my mania
Am I Bea Arthur?
Sis called me geriatric
while at Bloomingdales
Are these underwear
granny panties? Am I not
bringing sexy back?
Well, her sales pitch worked
I now own the Cadillac
of thongs, lots of them
I could not decide
amidst the pretty colors
so I bought a lot
Whoa, is that a breeze
on my ass cheeks? Awkward, yo
Husband sure likes them
Mind has certainly
been in the gutter lately
Maybe it’s the thongs?
If you think some blogs
are sellouts, then quit fucking
reading them, simple
The best mascara
is sitting on drugstore shelves
LashExact, trust me
And no, I was not
compensated to say that
Peace be with you
I mentioned before
The Carpenters make me cringe
My personal hell
If I hear one more
Carpenters Christmas song, I
will off myself soon
It’s confession time
I enjoy writing haikus
Have a great weekend!
the sassy kathy
December 12, 2008 at 11:49 amteehee. awesome. love the haikus. sometimes short and sweet is all you need.
(hope the stomach issues improve :/ eek!)
abbersnail
December 12, 2008 at 12:22 pmThose underoos are super cute. I’m realizing it might be time to “upgrade” that genre of my wardrobe. Good times.
Rachel
December 12, 2008 at 12:24 pmI hope those aren’t considered granny panties! Those are from Gap Body, right? I love those. But I also own The Cadillac of Thongs, too, so I guess it balances out.
Kerri Anne
December 12, 2008 at 12:30 pmAny mascara
endorsed by you and Drew must
be rad. I am sold.
I like to win things.
Especially from my friends.
Giveaways? Yes, please.
We made biscuits and
gravy last night: dinner for
breakfast. Long run time.
Kaleigha
December 12, 2008 at 12:39 pmThat is my very favorite mascara ever. And I am GLAD Your stomch is better. There is nothing worse. Well, probably some things, but it sucks!
Ariel
December 12, 2008 at 2:26 pmI’m glad someone else isn’t a fan of the Carpenters. Cause every time I’ve ever mentioned I don’t care for them I get dirty looks.
Every mascara I’ve tried for the last year makes my eyes itch. Will this mascara help with that?
Jora
December 12, 2008 at 2:32 pmLOVE the hanky pankys!
Mary
December 12, 2008 at 2:51 pmWhile I haven’t heard that sales pitch, I bought my first Hanky Panky thong two years ago and haven’t bought any other brand since. As a longtime thong-wearer, I can wholeheartedly state that they are the best.
Also…as far as stool samples go, I hope you don’t need this new procedure (also recently featured on Grey’s Anatomy): http://www.startribune.com/lifestyle/health/31234449.html?elr=KArksUUUU
andrea
December 12, 2008 at 3:40 pmLoving the Friday Haiku’s.
Long ago when there was something called sexy in my life I wore Hanky Panky’s, they are the best!
Once after a trip to Mexico I had a stomach ailment and had to do the stool samples. The worst part for me was leaving them in a box outside the Dr. office door for someone else to come and pick up. It just felt like my shit shouldn’t spend that much time traveling around, just weird.
ali
December 12, 2008 at 4:14 pmwhile i like the cadillac of thongs (oh yes, i do!) i am partial to victoria’s secret v-strings…or nothing at all!
regan
December 12, 2008 at 4:44 pmI love LashExact. My Target has a “holiday gift” 2 packs right now, for a decent price. You should go stock up so I’m not the only one hording it.
whoorl
December 12, 2008 at 4:51 pmDude, I’m there. Beauty Horders unite!
Momo Fali
December 12, 2008 at 5:09 pmHoly crap. I’m totally geriatric.
Jennifer
December 12, 2008 at 6:26 pmI am SO not trying to freak you out, but a friend of mine had the exact same gastrointestinal issues and it was determined he’d picked up some parasite from a cloud of fecal mist on the subway and that there was NOTHING THAT COULD BE DONE to rid him of it. it was just something that had to work its way out of his system.
Merry Christmas!
(seriously, I hope you feel better soon!)
alison
December 12, 2008 at 6:45 pmoh my god, i love lashexact so much. every single makeup artist i know seems to love great lash, but i never really thought it was that great. then a friend recommended lashexact and for the first time in my life i actually bought a mascara more than once. i will definitely be heading to target this weekend…