In an attempt to ready myself for my trip to Mexico, I visited my lovely local bikini waxer yesterday. I figured it was time to get things in order down there and as I told my mother yesterday, “She has her work cut out for her”. Darren, are you feelin’ my pain on this topic as well? Let’s just say I haven’t paid much attention to my nether regions since the baby was born. I guess I’ve been preoccupied with diaper changes, nursing, and oh you know, having the sole responsibility of keeping a tiny defenseless human ALIVE. No biggie.

I don’t know if you all are aware of the differing bikini waxing techniques that take place in southern California. Around this country, there normally exists the “regular” bikini wax and the “brazilian” bikini wax. A regular bikini wax keeps things neat and tidy down there. Let’s call it the “Carol Brady” of bikini waxes. A little off the sides and you’re on your way.

As most know, the “brazilian” involves lots of waxing and wincing, leg contortions and generally results in an audition for a porno. I tend to shy away from this procedure due to my pain threshold and inability to be a true masochist.

But here’s the tricky part. Around here, it seems a “regular” bikini wax involves all things brazilian, and a “brazilian” involves pubic baldness. Not much of a choice, yo.

My personal waxer was very easy on me during the pregnancy due to the fact that the pain was similar to having my toenails ripped out one by one. Plus, the bruising. Let’s not go there. People, I got used to this sweet and gentle method. It was lovely and Carol Brady would be proud. Although, maybe Carol Brady rocked the full bush- it was the Seventies. The questions…

Anyhoo, Neat and tidy. Neat and tidy.

I guess I assumed this method would continue during our lovely partnership from the pregnancy forward.

I guess I was wrong.

Considering I hadn’t seen her since the birth, I wasn’t really paying attention to her sweet-and-gentle-“regular”-Carol-Brady waxing methods. I was jabbering away about the PITOCIN! (lifting left leg) 24 HOURS OF LABOR! (lifting right leg) PELVIS TOO SMALL! (lifting both legs to my ears) PUSHING FOR OVER 2 HOURS! (ouch) VACUUM ASSISTANCE! (should that very specific area be throbbing?) THE NICU! (I am now officially scared) THE DRAMA!

Let’s just say it sure is drafty down there. But hey! I’m now ready for Mexican porn!

  1. don't call me ma'am

    November 2, 2006 at 6:41 pm


  2. Rachel

    November 2, 2006 at 7:00 pm

    I second that OW. I had my eyebrows waxed exactly twice and that was enough pain for me. I don’t think I’m going to let anyone go downtown with the wax anytime soon. Fortunately, I’ve got the husband trained to not mind the hairy legs, armpits, et al. If he even thinks about maybe perhaps mentioning that I should think about maybe doing some hair removal, I gently remind him that it’s a good day when I put on socks that match. Ha.

  3. Sarcomical

    November 2, 2006 at 7:27 pm

    never had one, NEVER WILL.

    especially after that. oh boy.

  4. Lyndsay

    November 2, 2006 at 2:23 pm

    Well, your last blog was titled “Maybe I need some fresh air.” I just assumed you meant in your lungs, not down below.

  5. Obabe

    November 3, 2006 at 6:27 am

    This summer I took the plunge and went Brazilian – the funniest thing the waxer said to me, when I told her I was married, is “oooh. Husband like, like a lot.”

    And, he did.

  6. Jessica

    November 3, 2006 at 7:27 am

    Haven’t tried the full brazilian. I get trimmed up, then take care of the rest myself so I don’t have the full bush. I am scared to do the full b, but someday, with enough cocktails (heh. COCKtails and bush) I might get up the courage.

  7. Jessica

    November 3, 2006 at 7:30 am

    Funny story too… one of my husband’s good friends met this girl at a bar, went back to her place, and was fooling around. Things progressed and they were both almost naked. So he is down *there* and he takes off her undies and the guy said this whole bush came flying out at him, with NO warning. He couldn’t go through with the um, activities he was about to partake in, so instead faked he was getting sick and LEFT.

    I mean, it is 2006! WHO HAS A FULL BUSH ANYMORE?

  8. ms. sizzle

    November 3, 2006 at 8:11 am

    what’s that i hear?

    oh yes, the sound of mexican porn music. :)

  9. Audrey

    November 3, 2006 at 2:37 pm

    My waxer cancelled my last appointment and I’m dreading rescheduling b/c of the “build-up” and the extra pregnancy sensitivity right now…maybe I’ll go Carol Brady instead of Mexican Porn for the next few months and start fresh after Baby comes.

  10. Darren

    November 3, 2006 at 11:23 am

    Oh, don’t even get me started on waxing! I feel ya, sister. I feel ya.