In an attempt to ready myself for my trip to Mexico, I visited my lovely local bikini waxer yesterday. I figured it was time to get things in order down there and as I told my mother yesterday, “She has her work cut out for her”. Darren, are you feelin’ my pain on this topic as well? Let’s just say I haven’t paid much attention to my nether regions since the baby was born. I guess I’ve been preoccupied with diaper changes, nursing, and oh you know, having the sole responsibility of keeping a tiny defenseless human ALIVE. No biggie.

I don’t know if you all are aware of the differing bikini waxing techniques that take place in southern California. Around this country, there normally exists the “regular” bikini wax and the “brazilian” bikini wax. A regular bikini wax keeps things neat and tidy down there. Let’s call it the “Carol Brady” of bikini waxes. A little off the sides and you’re on your way.

As most know, the “brazilian” involves lots of waxing and wincing, leg contortions and generally results in an audition for a porno. I tend to shy away from this procedure due to my pain threshold and inability to be a true masochist.

But here’s the tricky part. Around here, it seems a “regular” bikini wax involves all things brazilian, and a “brazilian” involves pubic baldness. Not much of a choice, yo.

My personal waxer was very easy on me during the pregnancy due to the fact that the pain was similar to having my toenails ripped out one by one. Plus, the bruising. Let’s not go there. People, I got used to this sweet and gentle method. It was lovely and Carol Brady would be proud. Although, maybe Carol Brady rocked the full bush- it was the Seventies. The questions…

Anyhoo, Neat and tidy. Neat and tidy.

I guess I assumed this method would continue during our lovely partnership from the pregnancy forward.

I guess I was wrong.

Considering I hadn’t seen her since the birth, I wasn’t really paying attention to her sweet-and-gentle-“regular”-Carol-Brady waxing methods. I was jabbering away about the PITOCIN! (lifting left leg) 24 HOURS OF LABOR! (lifting right leg) PELVIS TOO SMALL! (lifting both legs to my ears) PUSHING FOR OVER 2 HOURS! (ouch) VACUUM ASSISTANCE! (should that very specific area be throbbing?) THE NICU! (I am now officially scared) THE DRAMA!

Let’s just say it sure is drafty down there. But hey! I’m now ready for Mexican porn!

  1. jonniker

    November 2, 2006 at 9:24 am

    Brazilian waxes are about the most traumatic thing in the universe. But oh! The DESCRIPTION YOU PUT FORTH. Yes, this is how it is.


  2. nabbalicious

    November 2, 2006 at 9:41 am

    After I hurt my knee, I didn’t get waxes from July until a few weeks ago, and it was like the first time all over again. YEEEOW.

    The first time I ever went, I knew I was in big trouble when my waxer told me to “take a deep breath” just before she ripped it off. (I go for the porny look because it feels nice. I mean, afterward. Definitely not during. Um, tmi?).

    But I actually find that if I keep up with it, it doesn’t hurt as much after awhile. Now it only feels like I’m jamming pencil lead up my fingernails, as opposed to ripping them straight out.

  3. Leanna

    November 2, 2006 at 9:55 am

    I have never posted a comment on your site but I have to tell you I look forward to your posts. You are quite entertaining. Seems you are somewhat of a “blogger celebrity” as you are linked on most of my friends sites. Thanks for keeping me laughing!
    Beautiful family btw.

  4. Jessie

    November 2, 2006 at 9:59 am

    You want an embarrassing confession? One time I tried to do the “Carol Brady” wax to myself, and, well, you could say it didn’t go well at all. I pulled the strip out instead of parallel to my body and ended up with the same amount of hair and an incredibly ugly bruise. Thankfully I was young enough to get away with being that stupid. Next waxing will be done by a professional, if I’m ever that brave.

  5. BeachMama

    November 2, 2006 at 10:09 am

    You are one brave woman!! I wax my legs all the time, had actually never shaved them until a few years ago (I finally got lazy). The one time I tried a bikini wax, the bruise was so bad, I never even entertained the idea again.

    Here’s a question for you, when it grows back in is it itchy like shaving or does it come in smoother, like waxing the legs?

  6. kimmer

    November 2, 2006 at 10:23 am

    Yeah, I signed myself up for the brazilian exactly one week before my scheduled c-section as I knew how hard it would be to make it in after sweet J was born. Try pulling your knees to your ears at 38 weeks. We do have some real waxing talent here in Larry, K. If you ever find yourself in need, I can direct you to a pro.

  7. whoorl

    November 2, 2006 at 10:43 am


    NO itching is involved as the hair grows back in. It really is worth the pain! Shaving gave me the most horrible, itchy razor burn every time, but not since I started the mexican porn waxes. ;)

  8. cocodrie

    November 2, 2006 at 12:20 pm

    Carol Brady…definitely the 70s. Need we say more?

    Also, it’s doubtful mexico porn will ever be the same. Can’t wait to hear stories and see pics of your adventure.

  9. Natalie

    November 2, 2006 at 12:50 pm

    totally off topic…I see Anders has found his hands and the mouth he can put them in! Every…picture…hands….in the mouth… :)

  10. Donovan

    November 2, 2006 at 1:01 pm

    I think I’m just going to leave this one alone.

  11. Emily

    November 2, 2006 at 1:06 pm

    my very first wax EVER was a Brazilian and because I was wearing a skirt, I only took my underwear off. Except that I left my knee-high boots on as well and during an interesting pose I clonked the waxer in the head with my heel.


  12. Amanda

    November 2, 2006 at 1:48 pm

    “rocking the full bush”…that made me laugh!

  13. Heather

    November 2, 2006 at 1:51 pm

    Well when you are auditioning for the Mexican porn be sure there are no farm animals involved.

  14. Vicki

    November 2, 2006 at 4:05 pm

    You = Funny!

  15. rebecca

    November 2, 2006 at 4:19 pm

    Feeling guilty about lack of waxing. Gahhhhhh