In an attempt to ready myself for my trip to Mexico, I visited my lovely local bikini waxer yesterday. I figured it was time to get things in order down there and as I told my mother yesterday, “She has her work cut out for her”. Darren, are you feelin’ my pain on this topic as well? Let’s just say I haven’t paid much attention to my nether regions since the baby was born. I guess I’ve been preoccupied with diaper changes, nursing, and oh you know, having the sole responsibility of keeping a tiny defenseless human ALIVE. No biggie.
I don’t know if you all are aware of the differing bikini waxing techniques that take place in southern California. Around this country, there normally exists the “regular” bikini wax and the “brazilian” bikini wax. A regular bikini wax keeps things neat and tidy down there. Let’s call it the “Carol Brady” of bikini waxes. A little off the sides and you’re on your way.
As most know, the “brazilian” involves lots of waxing and wincing, leg contortions and generally results in an audition for a porno. I tend to shy away from this procedure due to my pain threshold and inability to be a true masochist.
But here’s the tricky part. Around here, it seems a “regular” bikini wax involves all things brazilian, and a “brazilian” involves pubic baldness. Not much of a choice, yo.
My personal waxer was very easy on me during the pregnancy due to the fact that the pain was similar to having my toenails ripped out one by one. Plus, the bruising. Let’s not go there. People, I got used to this sweet and gentle method. It was lovely and Carol Brady would be proud. Although, maybe Carol Brady rocked the full bush- it was the Seventies. The questions…
Anyhoo, Neat and tidy. Neat and tidy.
I guess I assumed this method would continue during our lovely partnership from the pregnancy forward.
I guess I was wrong.
Considering I hadn’t seen her since the birth, I wasn’t really paying attention to her sweet-and-gentle-“regular”-Carol-Brady waxing methods. I was jabbering away about the PITOCIN! (lifting left leg) 24 HOURS OF LABOR! (lifting right leg) PELVIS TOO SMALL! (lifting both legs to my ears) PUSHING FOR OVER 2 HOURS! (ouch) VACUUM ASSISTANCE! (should that very specific area be throbbing?) THE NICU! (I am now officially scared) THE DRAMA!
Let’s just say it sure is drafty down there. But hey! I’m now ready for Mexican porn!